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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I left my dog alone while I went to work, like usual. He usually hangs out in the big bay window that faces the street. Today he decided to steal my vibrator and chew it while sitting in the window. I can only imagine how many people walked by and saw it. FML

#21295699
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30125) - you deserved it (6220)

On 11/09/2014 at 8:12pm - animals - by dogdays (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML

#21293677
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29438) - you deserved it (13286)

On 11/06/2014 at 8:55pm - animals - by dwood08 - United States (New York)

Today, I burned my hand while making breakfast. As I staggered around the kitchen in agony, looking for some burn cream, my cat figured he'd latch onto said hand and drag his claws through the burn. FML

Today, as I was walking home from work, I got chased halfway home by a wolf. Yes, a wolf. I live in central Norway. FML

#21288944
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33747) - you deserved it (2553)

On 10/31/2014 at 8:31am - animals - by noxiffic (man) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, my boss asked about the mass of deep scratches on my arm. I lied and told him it happened while I was trying to save my cat from a tree. Truth is, my cat is a sadistic asshole who stalks me and mauls me whenever he can. FML

#21286814
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31383) - you deserved it (4963)

On 10/28/2014 at 3:40am - animals - by thewrittenrebel - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, my mother locked me out of the house. Why? The dog and her needed some time to talk. FML

#21285216
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31315) - you deserved it (2370)

On 10/25/2014 at 8:51pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I met my neighbors for the first time, as they helped me carry my dead cat off the road. FML

#21284997
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31305) - you deserved it (2610)

On 10/25/2014 at 1:32pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after emptying the dishwasher, I noticed something in the back by the drain. It looked like a turkey bone. Upon closer inspection, it was a mouse carcass. I have no idea how many loads of dishes have gone through with it in there. FML

#21283044
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33445) - you deserved it (3663)

On 10/22/2014 at 10:47am - animals - by MouserMan - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decided to leave the poop-filled bags in my driveway. I confronted her about this and she claimed it's never happened. I've watched her multiple times from my front window. FML

#21281417
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29270) - you deserved it (2342)

On 10/19/2014 at 11:00pm - animals - by Why Me - United States (Indiana)

Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML

#21280619
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28076) - you deserved it (11123)

On 10/18/2014 at 7:05pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I learned that if you give a squirrel a cookie, he'll climb up your pants in search of more cookies. FML

Today, it's my mom's birthday. Got the perfect gift, the perfect card and of course the perfect cake. Well, it was the perfect cake until my dog's ass crushed it. FML

Today, I was boxing up all my brother's old stuff to take to the attic. I came across a box, and without checking what was inside, I took it up, just to have it fall on my head, to then find out it was filled with dead baby hamsters. FML

#21276741
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34609) - you deserved it (3224)

On 10/13/2014 at 4:13am - animals - by MissBeyoncé - Namibia (Windhoek)



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