Today, I've just moved into a new apartment. It's also the day my big baby of a dog stepped on a rock and began yelping when I tried to touch his paw. He "suddenly" felt better after I carried him inside. Now everyone thinks I'm beating my dog. FML

by DogBeater / 06/20/2016 at 9:21pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I returned home from college. I found out that my dad ran over my cat months ago and tried to cover it up by having her stuffed. I found it "her" on my bed when I got home. They think that it's sweet that they stuffed the cat they killed. FML

by sadblufly / 06/18/2016 at 11:19pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I felt cold while driving, so I blasted the heat. The one thing I didn't expect was a load of tiny spiders spilling out of the vents and writhing all over my dash. FML

by Anonymous / 06/18/2016 at 1:43pm / Animals

Today, I fell down the stairs of my apartment building because I thought my cat was a ghost. FML

by Austin / 06/17/2016 at 1:57am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML

by inveralaska / 06/16/2016 at 5:22pm / United Kingdom / Animals

Today, a few weeks after moving in with my boyfriend, I borrowed his phone to Google something because mine was dead. His most recent searches? "How kill cat", "Kill cat laws", "Cat + poison". I thought he was ok with my cat when I moved in. FML

by Kitty Lover / 06/11/2016 at 3:04pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I went to my father's house to get my dog, since I had left it with him while I was on a business trip. When I got there, my dad said the dog pooped on the floor a few days ago, and so he took him to the pound. FML

by Anonymous / 06/10/2016 at 5:29pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals

Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. My wife came in and thought I was jerking him off. She wouldn't believe my explanation. FML

by Anonymous / 06/10/2016 at 10:28am / Canada (Quebec) / Animals

Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML

by Anonymous / 06/09/2016 at 3:39pm / Germany (Bayern) / Animals

Today, my sister asked me to let her dog out of the kennel when I got home. I did only to have the little beast bite me. She then ate the entire content of the cat's litter box, which she couldn't keep down. FML

by ginya / 06/06/2016 at 9:58pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, the strange cat that has adopted me inexplicably made its way into my house and curled up next to my head while I slept. I'm horribly allergic. FML

by anonymous / 06/06/2016 at 12:51pm / United States (Arizona) / Animals

Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML

by eebie jeebies / 05/30/2016 at 11:31am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, my house key jammed inside the lock, which would've been annoying even if I hadn't been desperately running from my neighbor's psycho pitbull at the time. FML

by jnp414 / 05/28/2016 at 9:11pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Animals