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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Today, I noticed a little white ball in the corner of my bedroom ceiling. I guess it had been there for a while already, but the teeming mass of baby spiders crawling out made it a lot more conspicuous. FML

#19612564 (156)

I agree, your life sucks (5201) - you deserved it (617)

On 05/12/2012 at 4:48pm - animals - by aliqi (man) - United States

Today, a pigeon got into my apartment. After knocking over a very expensive vase, it panicked, rammed itself against a window, and shat all over the floor as it tried to get out. FML

#19611512 (56)

I agree, your life sucks (4427) - you deserved it (380)

On 05/12/2012 at 12:01pm - animals - by Eric Ngan - Singapore

Today, my pet mouse demonstrated that he has bigger balls than my boyfriend, by running across the dinner table and eating off his plate, all while he jumped out of his chair, screaming like a girl. FML

#19592070 (124)

I agree, your life sucks (4851) - you deserved it (1030)

On 05/08/2012 at 12:41pm - animals - by gl0b3suck0r (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML

#19578544 (221)

I agree, your life sucks (4184) - you deserved it (7038)

On 05/05/2012 at 7:07pm - animals - by doggone - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML

#19575645 (73)

I agree, your life sucks (1857) - you deserved it (6585)

On 05/05/2012 at 1:01am - animals - by lexii - United States

Today, it was confirmed that the "no pet rule" in my apartment complex is so strict that I'm not even allowed to have sea monkeys. FML

#19561558 (124)

I agree, your life sucks (5996) - you deserved it (646)

On 05/01/2012 at 11:59pm - animals - by Monkeyless (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my new dog unburied my old dog and chewed on his bones. FML

#19520416 (169)

I agree, your life sucks (11698) - you deserved it (885)

On 04/24/2012 at 1:42am - animals - by jessica071509 - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML

#19504984 (270)

I agree, your life sucks (7050) - you deserved it (792)

On 04/21/2012 at 4:36am - animals - by yikes - United States

Today, as I was washing my boyfriend's fishbowl, the fish did a Nemo and made an unholy leap down the drain. My immediate impulse was to flip the switch. Our kitchen now smells like mutilated fish and my boyfriend won't speak to me. FML

#19504619 (226)

I agree, your life sucks (1863) - you deserved it (7737)

On 04/21/2012 at 2:01am - animals - by gimmeasalad - United States (California)

Today, I visited my doctor upon coming home from University. I found out that I'm severely allergic to our pet bunny, which has resulted in a rash taking over my body. She suggested that we get rid of the bunny. I told my mom. She told me to come home less often. FML

#19481808 (110)

I agree, your life sucks (14685) - you deserved it (1570)

On 04/16/2012 at 11:47pm - animals - by booearns (woman) - United States

Today, while packing my luggage from vacation I thought I saw a penny drop into my bag. After looking everywhere I couldn't find it. Now that I am home I found out that I had mistaken a cockroach for a penny. I now have a family of cockroaches living in my luggage. FML

#19476471 (117)

I agree, your life sucks (16065) - you deserved it (1529)

On 04/16/2012 at 12:24am - animals - by penny-dropping - United States

Today, my mom started dipping into my college savings, just so she can continue throwing money away on visiting a medium who claims she can channel the spirit of our recently-deceased family dog. FML

#19472692 (128)

I agree, your life sucks (8344) - you deserved it (434)

On 04/15/2012 at 1:38pm - animals - by really mom (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while running in the park, I noticed some ducks in a pond. I stopped to look at them and began quacking at them, to see if they would react. This would have been OK had I not been wearing ear-buds, blasting music, making me unable to realize just how loud I was quacking. With people all around. FML

#19449312 (158)

I agree, your life sucks (1848) - you deserved it (8132)

On 04/11/2012 at 11:39am - animals - by Quackers (woman) - United States (Colorado)