Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, a customer brought his cat in to be euthanized. I told him to "have a nice day" as he was leaving. FML

#21525890
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3685) - you deserved it (647)

On 02/13/2016 at 5:56pm - animals - by FootInMyMouth - United States (Florida)

Today, I heard a noise in my garage so I grabbed a baseball bat and went to look. The skunk I stirred was actually better armed than me. FML

#21523316
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17969) - you deserved it (1778)

On 02/06/2016 at 6:42am - animals - by moosemay (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, my cat shoved his claw up my nose and got it stuck there. FML

#21523143
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19241) - you deserved it (1736)

On 02/05/2016 at 5:51pm - animals - by ReiracsNeve - United States (Florida)

Today, my parents called me to ask if I could drop my dog off to them on Sunday. They're having a Superbowl party and want to show her off to their guests. My dog is invited, but I'm not. FML

#21522725
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20744) - you deserved it (1552)

On 02/04/2016 at 10:16am - animals - by uninvited (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to my grandma's house to visit. She's an elderly woman, so I asked if there was anything I could do to help. She told me to take the dog out, so I did, but one thing she didn't tell me is that her dog loves to take explosive shits everywhere. FML

#21521987
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17893) - you deserved it (1494)

On 02/02/2016 at 12:37am - animals - by ReiracsNeve - United States (Colorado)

Today, I've been calling my pet snake "Mr. Snake" for two years now. I decided to look up the name, and boy do I regret it. It turns out Mr. Snake is a porn site. I've named my snake after porn and have been introducing him to family with that name for two years. FML

#21521480
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17030) - you deserved it (4108)

On 01/31/2016 at 2:32pm - animals - by GeeLoftus - United States (New Jersey)

Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML

#21520327
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23240) - you deserved it (1561)

On 01/28/2016 at 3:39am - animals - by sweetie808 - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my dog once again desperately tried to yank me straight into the path of a bus. FML

#21518472
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20271) - you deserved it (2098)

On 01/23/2016 at 6:26am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, my pubic hairs were poking into my wang, I went to scratch it. Something bit my hand. FML

#21518044
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20168) - you deserved it (7663)

On 01/22/2016 at 12:47am - animals - by swag papi - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I reached down to pet an elderly man's dog. It jumped up and utterly mauled my face, drawing blood. As I gasped in shock and pain, the man looked me straight in the eye and said: "Careful, he likes to scratch." FML

#21516156
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18503) - you deserved it (9711)

On 01/17/2016 at 5:02am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I woke up to fresh coffee, pancakes, and the sight of my dad digging a grave in the backyard for my dog. FML

#21515773
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21975) - you deserved it (1143)

On 01/16/2016 at 12:52am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took my labrador to the vet because he seemed really sick and wasn't acting like his usual self the past few weeks. The vet said nothing was physically wrong with him and that he's most likely suffering from depression. My own depression is why I got a dog in the first place. FML

#21515559
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20532) - you deserved it (1786)

On 01/15/2016 at 11:41am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I arrived at the kennels I work in to find the power disconnected and the water pump off. This meant I had to bucket water and carry it to keep over sixty assorted dogs and cats alive in temperatures over 90 degrees. The moment I finished, the power came back on. FML

#21514912
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20976) - you deserved it (1365)

On 01/13/2016 at 9:08pm - animals - by TooFlamingHot (man) - Australia (New South Wales)



FML's blog

  • Eni's illustrated FML
  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: