Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, when I woke up, my dog excitedly came up to me and licked my face. A few minutes later, I find out he had thrown up twice before he licked my face. FML

#21446038
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20340) - you deserved it (2672)

On 07/23/2015 at 2:28pm - animals - by killjoyx - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had a dream about a giant spider crawling around in my mouth. I woke up to find that dreams sometimes do come true. FML

#21445902
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26918) - you deserved it (1641)

On 07/23/2015 at 9:05am - animals - by dirtbikeguy (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went out to inspect the backyard. There are now more than two dozen spiders hanging out and webs crossing from one side of the yard to the other. I have decided to surrender this territory. FML

#21445864
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22482) - you deserved it (2484)

On 07/23/2015 at 5:44am - animals - by Skoff (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found out my mom recently stopped taking her medication. I came home to find she'd shot my dog because she thought he was possessed by the devil. FML

#21442016
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37779) - you deserved it (1789)

On 07/15/2015 at 11:40am - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, whilst still trying to potty train my puppy and keep her from both peeing and pooping in the house, my lactose intolerance kicked in full fledge. Every time I pass gas, she smells poop and believes it's okay to immediately drop a deuce on the carpet. FML

#21441958
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25156) - you deserved it (3440)

On 07/15/2015 at 7:15am - animals - by gassy - United States (Florida)

Today, my cat thought it was appropriate to bring a bird into the house at 4am; the bird thought it was appropriate to attack my mom. FML

#21440806
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22394) - you deserved it (2059)

On 07/13/2015 at 12:39am - animals - by 4am blues - United States (Florida)

Today, my dog brought me a a dead rabbit. It so happened to be the rabbit a group of neighborhood kids were looking for after they lost it yesterday. I just had to hide a body for my dog. FML

Today, I got a nose piercing. I was asleep at the time in my backyard, and the piercer was a snake. FML

Today, while waiting the required 5 minutes for my hair removal cream to work, my cat rubbed all over my legs while I wasn't looking. After getting clawed to death throwing her in the bath to get the cream off, all her hair on that side fell off. I now have a half hairless cat. FML

#21438347
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22874) - you deserved it (3924)

On 07/08/2015 at 3:04am - animals - by coolcat10156 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out where my sister's pet lizard escaped to. I also found out that the little shit likes to hide in dark, cold places. I discovered this when I heard the bastard squeal as I started the lawnmower. FML

#21435132
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23419) - you deserved it (1949)

On 07/01/2015 at 11:10pm - animals - by Alex Andreas - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, a dog bit me on the bus. Instead of apologising, its owner said it was my fault because my hands "must smell of meat". I'm a vegetarian. FML

Today, my docile gerbil was startled by a car alarm. He dove into my tank top and bit straight through my nipple. FML

#21434340
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23865) - you deserved it (2278)

On 06/30/2015 at 12:02pm - animals - by piercednipple (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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