Today, I was written up. Too many customers complained that I don't wear makeup or do my hair. I got written up for being ugly. FML

by LoadingMeows / 09/22/2016 at 9:17pm / United States / Work

RinoaHeartilly's comment : Are they stupid? There's no way that's legal.

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Today, my mom told me she wouldn't be able to leave my middle-aged brother at home for Christmas in order to meet her first grandchild. FML

by sweet pea / 09/22/2016 at 5:48pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, and for the past two weeks, the people living directly above me have decided to add rearranging their furniture to their daily routines. Not only that but apparently, 6 a.m. is the most optimal time for them. FML

by Yellowsmellow / 09/22/2016 at 1:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my boyfriend gave me a teddy bear keyring. I had to explain that although many grown women like cuddly toys, I don't. And even if I did, a filthy, soaking wet bear he found in a puddle on the street is not a nice gesture, despite his suggestion I can just wash it in the machine. FML

by NoTeddies / 09/21/2016 at 6:48pm / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Love

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. When he slid his penis in, he felt my NuvaRing, and with the most excitement I've ever seen a man muster, said, "Oh my god! You have your clit pierced! I can't believe I actually get to have sex with a girl who has her clit pierced!" FML

by ArsonistsLullaby / 09/21/2016 at 5:02pm / United States / Intimacy

WCARlover's comment : I think the real FML is that you guys apparently didn't do any foreplay

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Today, I called maintenance for the fifth time about our sink, which leaks as much water from under the handle as comes out the spout. Apparently, they'd rather come up and tighten it every week than replace the washer. FML

by KillerChipmunk / 10/10/2016 at 7:54pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out this isn't what my boss meant when he said I had to be flexible at work. FML

On 10/14/2016 at 9:03am
© DR

Today, I just received the king-sized bed I'd ordered. My boyfriend moved out two days ago when we broke up. FML

by Miss_Whipped / 10/14/2016 at 2:04am / United States (Texas) / Love

kaitlyn520's comment : Sorry about the boyfriend :(... But all I'm thinking is "King size bed to myself!!!" All the room to spread out and eat all your food in... I know it's not the same as having someone there to share it with you. I hope you're okay <3

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Today, I was babysitting, and the family dog was unable to move, so I had texted the mother about it. We put the small dog on the couch to make it comfortable while the mother was on her way to get the dog and take it to the vet. Turns out, we sat with a dead dog for about ten minutes. FML

by anonymous / 10/13/2016 at 11:46pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I checked in at a hotel, got the keys and went up to my room. However, there seemed to be a problem, so I went back to the front desk. “Excuse me, but there’s already someone in my room!” The reply I got was, “So, what’s the problem?” FML

by Quelestvotreprobleme? / 03/29/2013 at 5:14am / Turquie (Ankara)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated. We were having a lot of fun until I decided I wanted to be on top. He instantly got soft. FML

by MulticoloredSlug / 10/13/2016 at 6:57am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I skipped class and went to back my apartment early. I found that my roommate had broken into my room and was laying in my bed wearing my underwear, taking pictures of herself. Apparently, she's been doing it all semester. FML

by NewRoommateNeededASAP / 10/12/2016 at 9:29pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my sixteen-year-old daughter put her soda in the microwave to “cool it down by making the ice cubes melt faster”. FML

by Bapt82 / 08/07/2016 at 10:35am / Switzerland (Luzern)