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Today, my husband missed the toilet again. I would have been less disgusted if he'd peed this time. FML

#21411283
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29422) - you deserved it (2273)

On 05/17/2015 at 1:10am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

tbear4prez's comment : I think you actually have to try to miss when pooping...

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Today, I went to a domestic violence counseling group. I was the only male there, and I explained that my girlfriend punches me in the face in front of my kids. Everyone started laughing. FML

JuliaaNoelle's comment : I hate double standards. Abuse is abuse no matter what gender you are. Sorry OP :/

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Today, a couple asked me donate my eggs so they could start a family. When I refused, I was called heartless by my ex-husband and the woman he cheated on me with for over two years. FML

#21410986
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36231) - you deserved it (2068)

On 05/16/2015 at 1:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Southampton)

BananaCoconutty's comment : Just buy him some eggs from the grocery store! Lol

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Today, not thinking and being pissed off, I threw my phone in the car, making a decent sized crack in the windshield. FML

Today, I had the most excitement I have felt in the last two months when I went to a drugstore and they had my favourite bandaids. FML

#21410948
69 comments

Today, I got my driver's license. My dad made multiple copies of his insurance cards for me to give to people when I inevitably hit them. Because "Let's face it." FML

Today, while mowing my backyard, I messily discovered that a family of rabbits has been living out there in the tall grass. FML

#21410882
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32688) - you deserved it (5148)

On 05/16/2015 at 7:47am - animals - by yif2 (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to suddenly stop in the middle of sex, just as I was actually starting to enjoy myself, just to bear hug me and exclaim, "Crikey, she's angry!" in the voice of Steve Irwin. He laughed so hard at his own joke that he went soft and couldn't continue. FML

#21410853
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30552) - you deserved it (2787)

On 05/16/2015 at 5:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Aberdeen City)

Today, I was supporting my aunt as she gave birth. She was getting tired during the pushing stage, so I tried to encourage her by making a show of pushing as well with each contraction. I got a little too into it and accidentally gave birth to a little turd of my own. FML

Today, I had to slowly explain to my brother that spooning has nothing to do with using a spoon to clean out a woman's vagina after sex. FML

#21410748
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32713) - you deserved it (2390)

On 05/15/2015 at 10:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I caught my ex trying to slash my car tires with a knife. She actually had the balls to claim she was testing my tire pressure, before power-walking off into the distance like nothing had happened. FML

#21410715
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27735) - you deserved it (2359)

On 05/15/2015 at 9:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my overly-clean mum decided to drop by and surprise me by cleaning my house while I was out jogging. She used half a bottle of bleach, and now it hurts to blink, let alone breathe. FML

#21410694
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27716) - you deserved it (2653)

On 05/15/2015 at 8:51pm - misc - by pasha - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 14-year-old daughter told me she's pregnant and plans on dropping out of school to live a life on the road with her boyfriend. FML

#21410693
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39611) - you deserved it (6459)

On 05/15/2015 at 8:50pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States



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