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Today, a friend sent me a song. I didn't have time to listen to it all, so I listened to the first 30 seconds of it to get a feel for it. It was nice and uplifting, so I sent it to my mom. Turns out, after the first 30 seconds, the singer brightens his day by singing about his enormous penis. FML

#21366785
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24365) - you deserved it (11852)

On 03/02/2015 at 7:48pm - misc - by Microtron - United States (Ohio)

WellHelloThere47's comment : and THAT ladies and gentlemen is why we ALWAYS screen what we show our parents first!

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Today, I noticed my ex was feeling down. We ended things on good terms and I've been wanting to start things up again, so I figured I'd bring him dinner to cheer him up and maybe hang out. Looks like he and his one night stand get to eat my home cooked food while I go home to Netflix. FML

airforce987's comment : Why'd you leave the food? I wouldn't have.

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Today, I was demoted as a bridesmaid in a wedding because I dyed my hair, and didn't ask permission from the bride to do so. The bride is my sister. FML

Dalboz's comment : well, I feel like we don't get the whole story here. I don't think she would have been mad if you dyed your hair black or blond. Rather dying it a preposterous colour like pink or green would make her mad. Which in that case, I'd have to agree with her. while it is your hair and your decision, when dying your hair with a bold colour (especially if you weren't seen with it before) takes attention from the people around you. It's her special day, and she'd like the attention to be focused on her and her husband. Plus if it isn't some crazy colour, I'm sure it's just nerves. If it was already all planned out, small changes like this tend to make the bride/groom nervous. It's really not uncommon and you should probably talk to her about it. I hope she'll calm down and you can make it up

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Today, while laughing at a jogger that fell down while running, I choked on my French fries. They had to give me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

#21366627
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13942) - you deserved it (48739)

On 03/02/2015 at 3:40pm - health - by teapotrevolt - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, after many tests and doctor visits, I finally found out the reason for my flu-like symptoms isn't a vitamin deficient or anything. The damn tea I drink every morning makes me feel sick. FML

Today, I realized I hate my boyfriend's little sister enough to break up with him. FML

#21366485
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28414) - you deserved it (6407)

On 03/02/2015 at 11:31am - love - by sorry... - United States (Delaware)

Today, my ex gave me a heartwarming speech about how much he wanted me back. After talking for hours and me finally wanting to get back together too, he started mentioning a date he has with a cute colleague. Conclusion: he wants to get back together, but still be able to fuck the entire world. FML

#21366438
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33979) - you deserved it (3343)

On 03/02/2015 at 9:04am - intimacy - by donotbelieveinsecondchances (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, I fell out of a window while trying to close it so no one would fall out. FML

#21366431
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30130) - you deserved it (4103)

On 03/02/2015 at 8:26am - misc - by meeeee! - United States (Delaware)

Today, I discovered that my fiancé consistently thinks about his fear of breaking his penis while we have sex. He's afraid to have sex with me. FML

#21366308
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30924) - you deserved it (2557)

On 03/02/2015 at 12:14am - intimacy - by dickofbrokendreams - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was turned down from the dream job that I was promised two years ago, once my chemo and radiation therapy was finished. His excuse? He never actually expected me to survive. FML

#21366066
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45903) - you deserved it (2109)

On 03/01/2015 at 6:36pm - work - by kysier (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I moved to a big city, alone, from a small town. After convincing myself it wasn't that scary, I hailed my first cab. The driver spent the 30 minute ride from the airport telling me about how "sometimes, you just gotta shoot a guy" because if they steal your shoes, they deserve it. FML

#21366058
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27992) - you deserved it (2481)

On 03/01/2015 at 6:22pm - misc - by smalltownkid - United States (Texas)

Today, after a 7 year dry spell, I finally got laid. The downside? It was in my dreams and involved a character from My Little Pony forcing itself on me. Now I hate that fucking stupid show more than ever. FML

#21365913
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30979) - you deserved it (6446)

On 03/01/2015 at 2:24pm - intimacy - by love and tolerape, apparently (man) - India (Jharkhand)

Today, my sister came out of the closet. By which I mean she came out as the pregnant mother of my boyfriend's child. FML

#21365896
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36569) - you deserved it (2399)

On 03/01/2015 at 2:03pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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