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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my penis over my jeans and said "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

#364382
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (188558) - you deserved it (29704)

On 03/15/2009 at 11:20pm - intimacy - by illequipt - Canada (Ontario)

jackaaa's comment : Aww baby penis.

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Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

#361047
1257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (679093) - you deserved it (455945)

On 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by KAAALIS (woman) - United States (New York)

tastylipstick's comment : That is the nastiest thing I have ever heard. I am so sorry.

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Today, I was out with my friend. My six year old daughter was also with us. While we were walking through the parking lot, my daughter asked me in a very loud voice "Mommy, does a blow job taste bad?" FML

#360907
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73055) - you deserved it (16953)

On 03/15/2009 at 10:18pm - intimacy - by hala (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, a girl-scout asked me to buy cookies, in front of Giant. She looked nice, so I bought 5 boxes from her. She took the money and went home with her mom. I opened the boxes when I got home and realized that the boxes just had rocks in them. I got scammed by a girl-scout. FML

#357552
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (215280) - you deserved it (35299)

On 03/15/2009 at 9:14pm - money - by twit (man) - United States (Maryland)

lesman's comment : Hate to say it man, but if you can't tell a box of cookies from a box of rocks, you deserved it. :p

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Today, I heard back from my store management interview at Target. I was offered an overnight stock clerk position. When I called HR to find out if my application was in the wrong file I was told I lack the leadership qualities necessary for Target. I graduated with honors from a military school. FML

#357279
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77098) - you deserved it (5491)

On 03/15/2009 at 9:09pm - misc - by yanksbitethebig1 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I rode in the cab on the way back to my dorm from the airport. The taxi driver was on the phone and not really paying attention. I paid him and got out of the cab, but he drove away before I could get my luggage out of the trunk. FML

#355995
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70297) - you deserved it (4971)

On 03/15/2009 at 8:49pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML

#350139
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72927) - you deserved it (27279)

On 03/15/2009 at 6:45pm - intimacy - by Moanie (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML

#346119
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (113358) - you deserved it (15940)

On 03/15/2009 at 4:47pm - intimacy - by MarMar (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML

#343744
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17999) - you deserved it (73065)

On 03/15/2009 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML

#341783
543 comments

I agree, your life sucks (516934) - you deserved it (35260)

On 03/15/2009 at 2:29pm - love - by thankskimi (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got out of the shower and my 3 year old sister comes into the bathroom and says "I want big boobies like yours when I grow up." And from the other room I hear my dad go "Sweetie, you've already got bigger boobs than your sister." FML

#339773
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (122950) - you deserved it (8242)

On 03/15/2009 at 11:47am - misc - by Alexa23 (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I went to a birthday party for my friend's daughter. I picked up a gift for the girl and another for her parents. I got the mother a cute little garden stone that read "What our children see in the world depends on what we show them." Later, I found out her daughter is blind. FML

#334841
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64623) - you deserved it (15807)

On 03/15/2009 at 1:39am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was shopping with my friends and I got asked by a man if I could be in one of his commercials. I obviously said yes without thinking twice. I then found out that he wanted me to be the before picture for an acne control moisturizer. FML

#334298
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59192) - you deserved it (9283)

On 03/15/2009 at 1:09am - misc - by sad45 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)



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