Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I am down to 3 euros. My mother just stole the last two euros from me. I asked what she needed them for? Condoms. My mother can have safe sex. I can't buy lunch tomorrow. FML

#1998
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28547) - you deserved it (1667)

On 01/21/2009 at 6:22am - intimacy - by theDiva - Malta

Today, I broke the glass of the photocopier trying to photocopy my ass. My boss will be here in five hours. She'll know it was me. I'm the only night guardian. FML

#1986
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5382) - you deserved it (40684)

On 01/21/2009 at 5:03am - work - by Wititipwitpwit - Sent from mobile version

Today, it's my birthday but I had to go to work. I catch the train and I am forced to sit next to this weird smelly dude who jumps off one stop before mine. A little old lady jumps on so I shuffle over so she can sit down with ease. Upon exiting the train i notice my pants are wet with smelly dude's piss. FML

#1978
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23883) - you deserved it (1700)

On 01/21/2009 at 2:25am - work - by fr1day - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I get home and there's a package waiting for me. I ordered something online 2 weeks ago for a girl I like. She's not available anymore. No refunds. FML

#1976
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16834) - you deserved it (4682)

On 01/21/2009 at 1:59am - love - by Dudeman5000 - Sent from mobile version

Today, me and my family watched the video of my birth. In the video, when my mother sees me for the first time, she says "God he's ugly!" FML

#1975
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27739) - you deserved it (2002)

On 01/21/2009 at 1:02am - misc - by mat - Sent from mobile version

Dr_Phil's comment : Am I the only who thinks watching the video of your birth with your entire family is kind of ... weird?

See all the comments →

Today, I sliced my arm open on the weekend, patched it with a fabric bandaid. Had an allergic reaction to the bandaid, arm now swollen, blistering and keeping-me-awake itchy. Pharmacist's advice? "Oooh, that looks bad. Better put a bandaid on that." FML

#1959
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24125) - you deserved it (1956)

On 01/20/2009 at 8:08pm - health - by sore - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend came to visit me for my birthday. Over dinner he handed me a blank card that had the words "I love you" hastily written on it. When the waiter came to take our order he informed him that we'd be paying separately. Happy Birthday. FML

#1942
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22955) - you deserved it (2068)

On 01/20/2009 at 5:47pm - love - by nicegirl08 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up with a hangover, but went to school anyway without showering, applying makeup, and still wearing my pajama bottoms. While taking the subway, I bumped into my ex-boyfriend who I hadn't seen a year. His new girlfriend looked at me and said, "You look... tired." FML

#1930
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9626) - you deserved it (18591)

On 01/20/2009 at 4:38pm - misc - by babygurl69 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went downstairs to grab a snack and a glass of Silk (you know, the soymilk). When I get back to my room, I go to throw the snack on my bed to shut the door, but I tossed with the wrong hand. FML

#1926
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10304) - you deserved it (18995)

On 01/20/2009 at 4:06pm - misc - by crystalwho - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my brother's girlfriend dumped him. I overheard my mom tell him "It could be worse. Your brother can't even get a girlfriend". FML

#1919
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23775) - you deserved it (1651)

On 01/20/2009 at 3:41pm - love - by Taylor - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my girlfriend farted in her sleep, woke me up because it was so damn loud, and my room smelt like rotten noodles for about an hour. FML

#1913
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23320) - you deserved it (3809)

On 01/20/2009 at 3:00pm - love - by pikachu - United States (Virginia)

Today, I've been dating a girl for a year and she's only touched my penis twice. Once by accident. FML

#1883
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23120) - you deserved it (10414)

On 01/20/2009 at 11:52am - love - by jobless - Sent from mobile version

infantrygirl's comment : Oh, shut up. If you can't stand to be with a girl who has morals, you don't deserve her.

See all the comments →

Today, while sitting next to me, my boyfriend sends a text to one of his "friends" saying "I'm thinking of you". FML

#1878
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20246) - you deserved it (1803)

On 01/20/2009 at 11:20am - love - by Wolf - Trinidad and Tobago (Saint George)



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: