Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML

by obsessed / 11/27/2009 at 12:12am / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

staymonkey's comment : thats pretty pathetic.

See all the comments

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML

by fartlover / 11/27/2009 at 12:10am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I wanted to take a nice hot relaxing bath. A wasp somehow got in, and stung me on the nuts. FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2009 at 11:26pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie where a girl proposed to a guy. He said "I would hate it if that happened to me, obviously I don't want to get married if I haven't proposed myself." I was planning on proposing later. FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2009 at 10:23pm / United States (Virginia) / Money

Stunt's comment : No man wants his girl to propose to him. Period.

See all the comments

Today, I spent the entire day at the hospital and was sent home attached to an obnoxious and somewhat painful heart monitor. I felt fine and decided to go to a bonfire with a few friends. I thought everyone was being nice until I overheard the guys referring to me as an unattractive xbox. FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2009 at 9:13pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw an old man who needed help crossing the street. I went over to him and helped him across the street. When he thanked me, I said, "No problem, sir." They responded by hitting me in the happy sacks and screaming that they were a woman. FML

by anniecook / 11/26/2009 at 7:26pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to make myself a nice meal. I bought expensive pasta and sauce etc. It looked delicious, I decided the finishing touch would be some parmesan cheese. I grabbed the bag and threw a handful of cheese on my meal. The cheese was about 98% mould. FML

by garlicbread / 11/26/2009 at 5:11pm / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML

by smellsofeggs / 11/26/2009 at 4:13pm / United Kingdom (Brent) / Animals

Today, I left my new iphone in a taxi I was sharing with a friend. Apparently when I got out she looked at it, told the driver some one had left it and gave it to him. FML

by hockey / 11/26/2009 at 3:47pm / United Kingdom (London) / Transportation

Today, I had six friends round for pizza. When I went to answer the door to the delivery, my friends turned off the lights and pretended they weren't there when I shouted for help carrying all the food. Not only does the cute delivery guy think I'm greedy, but also that I have imaginary friends. FML

by has-evil-friends / 11/26/2009 at 3:30pm / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Miscellaneous

Today, I hit a deer. The worst part? Papa deer saw me hit mama deer, and proceded to ram into my car. FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2009 at 2:11pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Transportation

Today, I was walking in rain. I had my hands in my pants pockets, so that the front of the jacket was pointing down. Halfway to Taco Bell, my crotch felt exceptionally wet. I looked down to see a wet spot. The rain on my jacket was channeled to my crotch. FML

by jaeilssanguh / 11/26/2009 at 1:49pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went out to lunch with a girl I like and her best friend. We had a good time, even talked for a few hours at the restaurant, but after we left, she stopped talking to me. Her friend told her that I kept staring at her chest; I was trying to see what her pendant was. FML

by LonelyLoner / 11/26/2009 at 1:19pm / United States (California) / Love