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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

#2899
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32018) - you deserved it (9497)

On 01/27/2009 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by ottawaaa - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at work, the Disney Store. A little boy was crying so I went over to him. After talking to him for a little while I found out he couldn't find his mother. When he became comfortable I went to help him stand up, he choked back his tears and then puked all over me from the waist down. FML

#2866
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22469) - you deserved it (1738)

On 01/27/2009 at 3:02pm - work - by Ren - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found the family's pet hamster under my mattress, he's been missing for six months. FML

#2862
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27663) - you deserved it (2671)

On 01/27/2009 at 2:42pm - kids - by Noname - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I got a text from my roommate asking me if it was cool that my ex was coming over to console him because he's sick. FML

#2860
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20047) - you deserved it (1589)

On 01/27/2009 at 2:41pm - love - by dammed - United States (New York)

Today, at the mall my brother and I went to look at a vendor's items when my mom said not to touch anything. Thinking my brother was standing next to me, I saw him touching stuff so I smacked him in the arm and told him to stop. I turn to see that the old lady to my side was giving me a mean look. FML

#2857
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5722) - you deserved it (18142)

On 01/27/2009 at 2:36pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend for an hour listening to him talk about his new truck and his final exams. I literally did not say a single word. Just as I said, "Hey baby, guess what happened to me today?", he says, "Can I go to sleep? I'm too tired to guess. Night." FML

#2840
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27005) - you deserved it (3661)

On 01/27/2009 at 12:58pm - love - by fthis - United States (Colorado)

Today, I picked up my cat and it went wild because I didn't know he was sleeping. I ended with with several cuts, and one on my wrist. Later a kid in my high school saw my wrist and told my guidance counselor who told my parents. Now everyone thinks I'm either a liar, attention whore, or emo. FML

#2835
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24697) - you deserved it (2530)

On 01/27/2009 at 12:44pm - animals - by Anizzaf - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I realised I like Britney Spears. FML

#2831
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11654) - you deserved it (28969)

On 01/27/2009 at 12:33pm - misc - by embaressed - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I hid my credit card from myself so I wouldn't use it. Now I can't find it. FML

#2823
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7018) - you deserved it (42615)

On 01/27/2009 at 11:47am - money - by dannij08 - United States (California)

Today, I was on a conference call in my office with the door closed. I let out some loud farts and felt liberated. Forgot my phone was NOT on mute. There were only 3 people on the conference call - including me. FML

#2805
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5124) - you deserved it (17799)

On 01/27/2009 at 9:25am - work - by workerbee - United States (Illinois)

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I had bad stomach cramps so I asked if I could use the bathroom. After half an hour, I flushed the toilet, it backs up and floods the bathroom. To make things worse, when I opened the door, I slipped on the wet tiles. FML

#2804
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20845) - you deserved it (2176)

On 01/27/2009 at 9:23am - misc - by impatient amy - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I finally broke my two year dry spell, but as she was putting on the condom, I came. She laughed from the time she was putting on her clothes to when she walked out the door. I don't think she's going to call back. FML

#2792
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39134) - you deserved it (7868)

On 01/27/2009 at 7:47am - intimacy - by theguy24 - United States (Nebraska)

Today, three girls introduced themselves to me. I had met all of them before. FML

#2788
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25028) - you deserved it (2305)

On 01/27/2009 at 7:24am - love - by aere - United States (California)



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