Today, at my school, we had the opening night of our production in which I act. None of my family or friends came. Basically, after 3 long months of hard work, the only person to "congratulate" to me after the show was the head of the theater department, who just wanted to tell me I was doing it wrong. FML

by drama_queen / 12/04/2009 at 12:40am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent 30 minutes trying to find my glasses. I don't know whats worse, the fact that I was wearing them the whole time, or that my girlfriend played along and helped me look for them. FML

by wobbles / 12/04/2009 at 12:28am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my father asked my best friend to marry him. He's 38 and we're 18. She said yes. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2009 at 12:12am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her birthday is tomorrow so she sent her new boyfriend to pick up her birthday present. FML

by holla1787 / 12/03/2009 at 10:11pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my mom admitted that her story about my dad leaving us for his current wife was a lie. He left when he caught her with a coworker. She blocked his number and got a restraining order to keep him from telling his side of the story. I haven't talked to my dad for six years because of this. FML

by Anonymous / 12/03/2009 at 9:17pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

TheTruth1428's comment : FYL. Hopefully you call your dad and try to build a relationship with him and get away from your mom. She's the kind of woman that will rot your life if you don't get away as soon as you can.

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Today, I introduced my girlfriend to a female friend of mine, because I thought they would get along. Apparently they get along better than I expected; she dumped me for the other girl. FML

by Sub / 12/03/2009 at 8:14pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I asked my mom if she could include mashed potatoes and gravy with dinner. She then went on to yell at me about my "unhealthy eating habits" and how I've "gained a lot of weight in the past few months". I'm pregnant. FML

by preggo / 12/03/2009 at 7:02pm / United States / Health

Today, I hired a professional makeup artist to apply my makeup for a wedding. After paying her $500 for the excellent job she does, and getting dressed, I grabbed the invitation to check out the address, and it said the wedding was on December 2. Today is December 3. FML

by DidntCheckTheCalendar / 12/03/2009 at 5:29pm / Kuwait / Money

my_fml_account's comment : You spend 500 bucks to look good on the wedding of a (I'm assuming) friend? YDI for trying to out-shine the bride.

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Today, I heard a loud crashing noise. I ran into the kitchen to see what it was. My cat had knocked over my fish bowl and had my Beta in her mouth. After scolding her and rescuing it, I decided to clean its bowl. When I went to dump some of the water in the sink, my fish went down the drain. FML

by Sassers / 12/03/2009 at 4:08pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I called my wife to tell her I finally found a job after 6 months. A man answered the phone claiming to be the cable guy. We cut our cable off when I was laid off 6 months ago. FML

by SatelliteUser / 12/03/2009 at 3:13pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Love

Today, I posted a note on Facebook about a weird dream I had about my ex-boyfriend, where I made out with him, then it transitioned into a vampires vs. werewolves battle. My ex private messages me and says there's a better chance of a vampires vs. werewolves battle than us ever making out again. FML

by ohiochibi / 12/03/2009 at 2:34pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, we had my school musical. The girls have to wear long skirts. I had a thong on, and while we were dancing the guy behind me stepped on my skirt. It fell to my ankles... the whole audience saw my ass. FML

by NoName / 12/03/2009 at 2:20pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a girl walking to class by herself. I thought she was weird for not having any friends to walk with. Thats when I realized I was eating lunch by myself. In my car. FML

by Anonymous / 12/03/2009 at 1:13pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

perstephane's comment : Wow, walking to class by herself. How horrible. I mean, it couldn't at all be that her friends have a different class and that she meets up with them after. And it couldn't be that the people she's friends with in her class are coming from the opposite direction so it wouldn't be practical. Obviously she just has no friends at all. I mean, it's the only conclusion.

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