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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my friend and i thought it would be funny if we could both fit into her big sweatpants. When we tried to take a step, she fell on top of me. She started peeing uncontrollably. We had to cut ourselves out of the sweatpants. FML

#508489
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50119) - you deserved it (34395)

On 03/21/2009 at 12:11pm - misc - by emilyxoxoxo - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to sleep in the same room as my grandparents. They checked to see if I was asleep, so I pretended to be to avoid getting scolded for staying up. Turns out they were checking so that they could make love. I witnessed two 70-year-olds have sex in the bed next to me for 20 minutes. FML

#507959
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (220555) - you deserved it (28801)

On 03/21/2009 at 11:38am - intimacy - by Mike (man) - United States (Michigan)

Wittlestalker's comment : o_______o Get some therapy as soon as you can. I say that in the most respectful, concerned way I possibly can manage...

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Today, my parents yelled at me for coming home at 1am this morning from a friend's birthday party. I'm 30 years old. FML

#506231
385 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61740) - you deserved it (119911)

On 03/21/2009 at 5:35am - misc - by soliveyerlife (woman) - United States (California)

neonoodle's comment : Why are you still living with your parents? You live under their roof, you follow their rules.

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Today, I came out to my mom. I had an epic speech planned, and when I tried to tell her, it all fell apart and I started crying and just said, "I'm gay." After a few seconds silence, my mom sighs and says, "Duh." FML

#506180
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59054) - you deserved it (16316)

On 03/21/2009 at 5:13am - misc - by teriyaki124 - United States (California)

Today, I was playing Xbox live with my boyfriend. I was bored so I decided to mess around. So I put down my remote and unbuttoned his pants. Two minutes in he said, "Hurry up, we're getting killed without you. Besides you're way better at video games." FML

#505587
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71274) - you deserved it (11897)

On 03/21/2009 at 3:18am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

f_ckerdef_ck's comment : damn, that's a real FML

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Today, my parents saw my report card. Now, they refuse to buy me my the new computer I've always wanted because my grades had 'slipped'. I made honor roll for three terms, and was kept off for the fourth for a single bad grade. I failed gym. FML

#504973
307 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60559) - you deserved it (38668)

On 03/21/2009 at 2:22am - work - by MollyMo - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went over to surprise my girlfriend of two years with flowers and dinner at her apartment. After I knocked, a handsome young man answered the door. Thinking I had the wrong apartment, I apologized, only to hear my girlfriend's voice call from the background, "Baby, who's there?" FML

#504108
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (148618) - you deserved it (7139)

On 03/21/2009 at 1:33am - intimacy - by willywonks (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML

#503348
896 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62679) - you deserved it (646166)

On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I started Lifeguard Training and we had the fitness test you had to pass to continue. I work out everyday and I start on our football team. It's spring break and i've worked everyday (construction). I'm fit. Time comes to take the test, I finished last, beat by a 44 year old woman. FML

Today, my 13 year old sister had to explain the bases to me. Turns out, I have skipped first and second base and gone straight to third, without even realizing it. What makes it worse is that she told my mother, and now my whole family thinks I'm a slut. FML

#502307
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16496) - you deserved it (59744)

On 03/21/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by musik_ist_liebe (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got hypnotized in front of my entire school. Once I was hypnotized the guy told me that the hottest celebrity in the world was in the audience and then he told me to point out who I saw. I said I saw Mick Jagger. I'm a guy. FML

#500940
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65102) - you deserved it (9605)

On 03/20/2009 at 11:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my town had a carnival to raise money for cancer. I ran a kissing booth, when a really cute guy came up paid his $20, looked at me, and said "not even for cancer." He took his money and left. FML

#500122
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81859) - you deserved it (7493)

On 03/20/2009 at 10:39pm - love - by cancerfreak (woman) - United States (Iowa)



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