Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML

by paidback / 12/24/2009 at 8:10pm / United States / Intimacy

caancoha's comment : How do you not deserve this? "Treat others as you would like to be treated." Go luck your wounded manhood.

See all the comments

Today, I decided I was going to do something nice for my parents for Christmas. So, I cleaned the entire house top to bottom, baked cookies, and made them both Christmas cards. What did I get in return? They asked me to wrap my four year old sister's presents, and let me know I got nothing. FML

by blkchkrm / 12/24/2009 at 7:37pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents were having a Christmas party. They went out to get the vodka in our garage fridge, only to find most of it was frozen. Knowing vodka doesn't freeze, they soon realized that I had been taking some and refilling it with water over the past two months. FML

by Sean / 12/24/2009 at 7:36pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my grandpa died. As I rushed home crying to comfort my parents, I got pulled over for speeding. The officer told me to cut out the "fake" tears". When I told him my grandpa just died he tacked on another $100 for lying to an officer. Worst. Christmas. Ever. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2009 at 7:18pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

russianspy1234's comment : so go to appeals court with the death certificate and at least get the 100 taken off

See all the comments

Today, my boyfriend got rejected by his dream college. In an effort to comfort him, I told him that he is incredibly smart and that it's their loss. He replied, "Of course you think so, you're an idiot!" FML

by imamonster1992 / 12/24/2009 at 6:41pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. I told her best friend the plan the day before. I got reservations to a restaurant on the beach, and we were going to arrive via boat. She never showed. Her parents called me asking why she left town to go to Paris. FML

by hoplessG / 12/24/2009 at 6:37pm / United States / Love

Today, I woke up to see that I had two black eyes from a cheerleading stunt gone wrong yesterday. I decided to curl my hair to distract from them. While curling my hair I accidentally burned my cheek. I now have two black eyes and a huge burn on my cheek. My extended family is coming tomorrow. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2009 at 6:35pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of Fight Club. I asked a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2009 at 3:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous

triciaharris1's comment : 1st RULE: You do not talk about FIGHT CLUB. 2nd RULE: You DO NOT talk about FIGHT CLUB. 3rd RULE: If someone says "stop" or goes limp, taps out the fight is over. 4th RULE: Only two guys to a fight. 5th RULE: One fight at a time. 6th RULE: No shirts, no shoes. 7th RULE: Fights will go on as long as they have to. 8th RULE: If this is your first night at FIGHT CLUB, you HAVE to fight.

See all the comments

Today, I found out my mom is getting rid of cable TV. My dad and I bought her a 700 dollar plasma screen TV for Christmas. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2009 at 2:45pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Money

Today, I learned just how much change a toddler can stuff in to a Nintendo Wii. I also learned that those things are put together with special screws. FML

by Gameless Guy / 12/24/2009 at 10:49am / United States / Kids

Today, I found out that I have to work Christmas Day. There's no public transport running and taxis are triple fare. It'll cost me more getting to work than I'll actually earn during the shift. FML

by Barstaff / 12/24/2009 at 6:20am / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Work

Today, I used the tanning booth for the first time. Not only was I so white that I received first-degree burns all over my body, but I also forgot to remove my knee-high socks. FML

by Ellowise / 12/24/2009 at 5:06am / Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest) / Health

Today, I saw the girl I had confessed my love to two years ago on the bus. We chatted for a few minutes and she got off on the first stop, saying that this is where she had to get off. Twenty minutes later, I see her in the bus next to mine. The bus number was 20. Like mine. FML

by busrides / 12/24/2009 at 4:35am / United States (California) / Transportation