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Man or woman?

Today, moments after leaving early, my boss emails me asking if I'm in the office. After an illegal U-turn, running a stop sign, parking in a visitor spot, and sneaking back to my desk, I find out she was locked out of the building but had since found her keys and let herself back in. FML

#1008
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12042) - you deserved it (8767)

On 01/12/2009 at 3:34pm - work - by Leaving Early Fail - United States (California)

Today, my man and I were having sex on edge of bed. We were using chocolate spread and I was riding him. When we were done, he got up and I noticed a long brown line on the edge of the bed. I knelt down to smell it. It was NOT chocolate. FML

#1001
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49916) - you deserved it (6947)

On 01/12/2009 at 11:19am - intimacy - by Poopy - United States (California)

Today, my coworker told me that the framed picture our boss put on her desk last week was not, as I originally thought, a picture of her father, but a picture of Rupert Murdoch. FML

#999
9 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11207) - you deserved it (2744)

On 01/12/2009 at 11:03am - work - by newscorp employee - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my mother bought me Mickey Mouse shaped burgers for my dinner. I'm 19. FML

#998
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14690) - you deserved it (5465)

On 01/12/2009 at 10:56am - misc - by ana9 - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking for our bubblegum flavored "numbing" lotion to have some morning fun. We couldnt find it anywhere. After about 10 minutes, my little nephew comes from my room crying and drool coming out of his mouth. He smelt like bubblegum, his mouth and tongue were all numb. FML

#997
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29727) - you deserved it (7872)

On 01/12/2009 at 10:37am - intimacy - by LiLGeek - United States (California)

Today, I have -$700 in my current account, $500 from overdraft fees because I spent money they told me I had. I don't get paid till the 15th and when I cash in my paycheck all of it will go to bringing me even. So the $9 I found in my wallet this morning will have to last me untill the 30th. FML

#984
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22576) - you deserved it (4446)

On 01/12/2009 at 4:55am - money - by Celina - United States (California)

Today, my 5 year old daughter watched me getting dressed in the bathroom and asked "mum, when my boobs grow, will they droop like yours?". FML

#983
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24680) - you deserved it (2829)

On 01/12/2009 at 4:37am - kids - by Lax - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was putting a new lightbulb in when my wife walks into the room and says "you can't see a thing, i'll turn the light on for you". And she did. FML

#981
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23694) - you deserved it (1855)

On 01/11/2009 at 11:35pm - misc - by Christoams - Sent from mobile version

Today, a woman at the crowded mall stopped me and told me loudly that if I bought her product it would get rid of my acne. FML

#974
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19060) - you deserved it (1837)

On 01/11/2009 at 3:59pm - health - by EpicFail - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got drunk and hooked up with some random chick. Later, I found out she's Facebook friends with my girlfriend. They used to be best friends when the girl was a senior. Small world. FML

#970
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5535) - you deserved it (49108)

On 01/11/2009 at 2:13pm - love - by Noname - United States (Virginia)

Today, I regret that break we took. I thought it would lead him to realize that he wanted to stop cheating and flirting with other girls and be with only me forever. Now I'm the girl he cheats on his girlfriend with. FML

#969
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7063) - you deserved it (32720)

On 01/11/2009 at 1:08pm - love - by Celina - United States (California)

Today, I have a degree in electrical engineering, my wife was doing a crossword and asked me what are the units of capacitance, I couldn't remember. FML

#967
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13583) - you deserved it (7661)

On 01/11/2009 at 11:46am - misc - by jibjab - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went shopping with this girl I like while my girlfriend was busy. We ended up going grocery shopping to make dinner together, and I ran into my girlfriend's parents. FML

#966
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5157) - you deserved it (63900)

On 01/11/2009 at 10:50am - love - by Wreet - United States (California)

Jason's comment : What the hell is up with all the cheaters on here acting trying to act like their lives suck? New flash morons, you are the idiot who chose to cheat, you deserve everything you get.

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