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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I decided to ride my bike to the bus stop to go to school. I wasn't even half way and the last bus had already left. I figured I would loop around instead of going back the way I came and ended up riding 16 miles before I got home. FML

#1325
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5664) - you deserved it (15192)

On 01/16/2009 at 4:40am - misc - by Alex - United States (Arizona)

Today, I realized that instead of actually trying to get a job, save money, lose weight, and get thin so I could maybe attempt to date again; I'd rather spend my money on a Fleshlight. FML

#1321
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8365) - you deserved it (35672)

On 01/16/2009 at 3:34am - intimacy - by horny bastard - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was late for work and took a taxi. The driver tells me he tried to commit suicide recently. I listen to him for 20mins, sat outside my workplace with the meter off. He charges me £5.80 and my boss gives me a warning for being late. FML

#1315
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16963) - you deserved it (2644)

On 01/16/2009 at 2:27am - work - by hapless - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I reached for my beer and took a huge swallow before I realized that I had picked up my friend's tobacco spit cup. "Vomit" is not a strong enough word to describe what happened next. FML

#1314
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21564) - you deserved it (5046)

On 01/15/2009 at 11:57pm - misc - by blegh - Switzerland (Ticino)

Today, I daringly tried that fish-bath thing, where all these fish come and eat all of your skin's dead cells. I got into it, and after 15 minutes of being a human buffet, at least 20 of the fish died. FML

#1305
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30998) - you deserved it (5697)

On 01/15/2009 at 8:25pm - health - by anx133 - China (Shanghai)

Today, I was hanging out with a couple of friends and one of them tells a funny story about how he filled a condom with syrup and put it in his friend's mouth while he was asleep. Me with my big mouth starts to say, "Condoms taste na--" and stopped myself as everyone started laughing at me. FML

#1302
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5478) - you deserved it (22192)

On 01/15/2009 at 7:39pm - misc - by jen - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I found my car completely vandalized when I came home from work. A paper on the seat read "That's for what you did to Hannah you fuck". Hannah? FML

#1295
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31889) - you deserved it (1591)

On 01/15/2009 at 6:32pm - love - by Camm. - United States (New York)

Today, I spent four hours practicing funny voices. I have literally nothing better to do all day. FML

#1292
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14333) - you deserved it (7163)

On 01/15/2009 at 6:26pm - misc - by Mystery LeRale - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was at Target with my mom. After 10 minutes of my mom walking around looking confused, I said, "Mom, what are you looking for? I worked at this place for 4 years, I know where everything is." My mom was looking for KY. FML

#1288
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18196) - you deserved it (2106)

On 01/15/2009 at 6:08pm - misc - by kallens - United States (Minnesota)

juicebahx's comment : The real FML here is that you worked at Target for four years.

See all the comments →

Today, the only girl I really loved said to me: I want you to be the father of my child, but I don't want to be your girlfriend. FML

#1230
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25357) - you deserved it (1655)

On 01/15/2009 at 11:12am - love - by J.Smith - Sent from mobile version

Today, wanting to change from the usual pizza/coca cola menu, I decide to cook. After spending 1h30 making a "beef chili with ancho, mole, and cumin" I sprinkle a bit of salt on top of it. The top came off the salt. I think it's back to pizzas for me. FML

#1229
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18644) - you deserved it (3091)

On 01/15/2009 at 11:00am - health - by j0j0 - France (Aquitaine)

Today, I had lunch with a couple of my friends and a guy I like. Another guy I have a crush on came and ate with us too. After lunch, one of the guys I have a crush on told me the other guy I like is sexy. FML

#1220
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18548) - you deserved it (3898)

On 01/15/2009 at 10:07am - love - by dexter - United States (California)

Today, I'm flying out of the country in a few hours. A plane from the same airline just crashed into the Hudson River and is now floating in it. FML

#1219
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19902) - you deserved it (2130)

On 01/15/2009 at 10:05am - misc - by Tom - United States (New Jersey)



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