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Man or woman?

Today, I was at the gym and as I was pulling out my earphones and getting off my treadmill, I heard the girl behind me say to her friend on the treadmill next to her, "Wow, there have no cute guys today." Her friend replied, "None at all. It's like everyone suddenly got gay or ugly." FML

#2709
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21080) - you deserved it (1838)

On 01/26/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by Rothaar - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to surprise my boyfriend in the shower. I opened the door and there was a giant shit in the open toilet. I pretended I was looking for my hairbrush. FML

#2705
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28452) - you deserved it (6765)

On 01/26/2009 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by bad surprise - United States (New York)

Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML

#2696
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15517) - you deserved it (67809)

On 01/26/2009 at 4:09pm - intimacy - by Boredom - United States

Today, one of the kids I was babysitting tried to hard boil eggs using the microwave. You cannot hard boil eggs using the microwave. It makes a mess. This we have learned. FML

#2695
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7625) - you deserved it (18050)

On 01/26/2009 at 4:08pm - misc - by Danana - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I bought a mini tracking device to attach to my wallet to keep me from losing it. Unfortunately, before I could put batteries in the tracking device, I lost it. FML

#2681
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15565) - you deserved it (7778)

On 01/26/2009 at 2:08pm - misc - by Jacobro - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my dad learned how to use the parental controls. I now have an 11 o'clock curfew. I am 17. FML

#2670
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17662) - you deserved it (5638)

On 01/26/2009 at 12:38pm - misc - by dangyo - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I met the girl who dumped me because the distance between us was too great. We're in the same city again. She's now dating a Marine in Iraq. FML

#2645
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26617) - you deserved it (2202)

On 01/26/2009 at 10:51am - love - by saywhat - United States (Indiana)

Today, I woke up and it was Monday. FML

#2635
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41106) - you deserved it (9805)

On 01/26/2009 at 9:58am - misc - by buddy - United States (Michigan)

jamiecakes's comment : ugh that happens to me like every week.

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Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML

#2620
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6625) - you deserved it (51290)

On 01/26/2009 at 8:28am - misc - by Timmy - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went shopping with my boyfriend. He tried on a pair of trousers which didn't fit, so he asked me to change them, so off I go. I then return with another pair for him to try on, and find him bent over and blurt out "What the hell's that terrible underwear?". The man turns around, revealing that I'd entered the wrong changing room. FML

#2607
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15225) - you deserved it (7933)

On 01/26/2009 at 5:09am - love - by Harmonia - Sent from mobile version

Today, I saw a homeless man asking for money for food. Not wanting to give him money so he'd spend it on booze, I decided to buy him a full big mac meal from McDonalds. When I went to hand it to him, he quickly waved his hand, denying it saying, "Thanks but I'm a vegetarian". FML

#2596
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22433) - you deserved it (4641)

On 01/25/2009 at 10:44pm - misc - by Michelle C - United States (California)

Today, while I was babysitting my nephews, the 7 year old boy walked up to me and asked if I was a lesbian. I laughed it off. An argument ensued about my sexuality for a good two hours. I lost. FML

#2591
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25060) - you deserved it (3730)

On 01/25/2009 at 9:51pm - kids - by ThatsNotRight - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I was in a hurry to get to work, and in my car I had two drinks settled down in my cup holder. One was my coffee, and the other was an unfinished cup of coffee where I ash and toss my cigarettes. FML

#2590
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4557) - you deserved it (24104)

On 01/25/2009 at 9:38pm - misc - by smoker - United States (California)

JennaWenna's comment : I think it's funny that you think it's a FML moment to drink from a cup that has your cigarette ashes in it, but yet you inhale that shit into your lungs multiple times a day. Just saying

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