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Today, I slipped on the ice in front of my apartment, spraining my ankle and cracking a rib. While I laid on the ground immediately after, my neighbor chewed me out for saying "shit" in front of her 4-year-old on my way down. FML

#206067
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59068) - you deserved it (3037)

On 03/04/2009 at 12:03pm - misc - by stupidneighbor (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to give me a "hickey" with a vacuum cleaner while I was passed out drunk. Not only do I have to try and explain this to my girlfriend, but we're meeting her parents for lunch this afternoon. FML

#205894
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53549) - you deserved it (20750)

On 03/04/2009 at 11:24am - intimacy - by hoovered (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, at a red light, an old lady crossing the street fell right infront of my car. I got out of my car to help her. The light turned green and I was still helping the woman to her feet. An officer came by and ticketed me for "impeding the flow of traffic." FML

#205743
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70962) - you deserved it (2956)

On 03/04/2009 at 10:50am - misc - by VroomVroom (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, to remind myself to write a check for my speech and debate team (Lynbrook Speech and Debate), I wrote "LSD money" on the back of my hand. The Vice Principal saw it, dragged me to the office, and called my parents. FML

#204455
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48217) - you deserved it (13854)

On 03/04/2009 at 2:05am - money - by gonkc (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. Being the stud that I am, after a short time I turned to her and said "You think you're ready for a round two?" She replied "No, but I do think I'm ready for the rest of round one." FML

#204444
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22738) - you deserved it (103595)

On 03/04/2009 at 2:03am - intimacy - by saddude (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

jackaaa's comment : Hahaha. Clearly you are not a stud.

See all the comments →

Today, while getting off the bus, there was a lady in front of me wearing a dress and suddenly her phone dropped out of her bag. I picked up the phone for her which landed right beneath her dress and as she turned around she thought I was trying to take pictures of her panties and slapped me. FML

#204015
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44950) - you deserved it (4167)

On 03/04/2009 at 1:06am - misc - by AznKoreanGuy (man) - United States (California)

Today, my grandmother patched up my $300, vintage, limited edition, designer jeans because she thought I'd accidentally ripped them. FML

#203751
457 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37312) - you deserved it (83073)

On 03/04/2009 at 12:40am - money - by ch (woman) - United States (California)

fucking_eat_me's comment : well thats what you get for buying $300 jeans.

See all the comments →

Today, my wife told me that she wanted a divorce. It is also my 39th birthday today. For my birthday present, she gave me a subscription to match.com. FML

#203455
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (128878) - you deserved it (6822)

On 03/04/2009 at 12:15am - love - by you would (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking to my car tonight when I saw a large man walking behind me, I hurried to open my car as he was approaching quickly, my door wasn't unlocking and I panicked. It was then I noticed it wasnt even my car. As I walked away from the other car, he walked up and unlocked the door. FML

#202745
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9810) - you deserved it (43860)

On 03/03/2009 at 11:19pm - misc - by Fantastic (woman) - United States (California)

Today, in the fitting room at Old Navy, a customer asked me if we sold Calvin Klein jeans. I replied "no ma'am, this isn't a department store, we only sell Old Navy jeans." She left, and complained to my manager, who informed me that "the customer is always right." FML

#199047
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64573) - you deserved it (3390)

On 03/03/2009 at 7:18pm - work - by samantha (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, a guy who I've been on five dates with called me for the first time in 2 weeks. The first thing I said was, "Don't expect me to go out with you again after going AWOL on me." Then he told me his mom died. FML

#198130
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15339) - you deserved it (64683)

On 03/03/2009 at 6:08pm - love - by ouch (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was at a party and we were all playing Seven Minutes in Heaven. It was my crush's turn to spin the bottle so my heart started pounding. The bottle pointed towards me! Then my crush said, "With her it'd be 'Seven Minutes in Hell'. Just skip me." FML

#198031
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (109435) - you deserved it (7176)

On 03/03/2009 at 6:00pm - love - by ILTali (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to get my eyebrows waxed at a korean salon. I have never been there before and it's hard to understand their accents. The women asked me if I wanted "them all off". Not fully understanding what she said, I agreed. When she showed me the mirror, she had taken off my whole eyebrow. FML

#197849
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19397) - you deserved it (47779)

On 03/03/2009 at 5:47pm - misc - by brows (woman) - United States (Florida)



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