Today, I was running to my car, slipped, and slammed my head on the car door. I started driving to the hospital because it was bleeding profusely and I was dizzy, I called my mom to tell her what had happened. She said I was grounded for "goofing off" and that she was "sick of my shit". FML
I agree, your life sucks (90119) - you deserved it (7059)
On 03/20/2009 at 2:11am - misc - by itsgotime (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I was pulled over by my father who is a police officer. He was training a rookie and gave me a breathalyzer test to show his trainee how to do it. I blew a .15 and was taken to jail. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33716) - you deserved it (135862)
On 03/20/2009 at 1:48am - misc - by Jesse (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, after sex with my girlfriend, I thought it would be sexy to wear her underwear until we saw each other again. I found a pair in her bathroom, but they definitely weren't her sexy ones. Her mom walked in on me to collect the laundry and screeched "What are you doing with my panties!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (14621) - you deserved it (94412)
On 03/20/2009 at 1:37am - intimacy - by HughGorgy (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my girlfriend was driving me to her house against my will when I said, "Sometimes it's annoying that you always decide where we go because you drive." She replied, "Yeah, I wish I could be more of the girl in this relationship." FML
I agree, your life sucks (11651) - you deserved it (74909)
On 03/20/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by lukey_G (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went to the dentist. He asked me to lean my head closer to him so he could get a better look at my teeth. He was hard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (100455) - you deserved it (5628)
On 03/20/2009 at 12:33am - misc - by rmb131 (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (387416) - you deserved it (57898)
On 03/20/2009 at 12:15am - kids - by ScoobieDoo (woman) - United States (Washington)
↑ olivejuice's comment : Isn't it a little inappropriate to ask what turns on your 4 year old?
Today, driving some friends back from a party I said, "Did everyone see Lisa totally hanging off of Pat tonight?! It was hilarious!!". There was a long silence, then one of my friends said "...you know Lisa is in the car, right?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (17112) - you deserved it (96620)
On 03/19/2009 at 11:41pm - misc - by StephD (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I went to confession. I told the priest that I had an intimate relationship with a woman that I'm not married to. He chuckled and said, "You know, lying is a sin too." I wasn't lying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64250) - you deserved it (8800)
On 03/19/2009 at 11:34pm - misc - by churchgoer (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I got the courage to ask my mom if I could go to the movies alone on my first date with my new boyfriend. She said ok, which was surprising because she never lets me go anywhere alone. When I got to the theatre with him I saw my mom. She had saved seats for us. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69356) - you deserved it (4024)
On 03/19/2009 at 8:07pm - misc - by shelteredchild (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I decided to have sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pockets. Turns out, he had written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML
I agree, your life sucks (128316) - you deserved it (13072)
On 03/19/2009 at 7:31pm - intimacy - by ufhdafuhds (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)
↑ alex_vik's comment : LOL, that's a first. I wonder what it said.. 1. Finger her. 2. Put on condom 3. Insert penis 4. ???? 5. Profit!
Today, I was enjoying my last day of Spring Break in Panama City. I got up to dance on the stage at the Holiday Inn in front of hundreds of college kids. I tried to be sexy by turning around and bending over. My friends took pictures and my bloody tampon string was hanging out the whole time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33521) - you deserved it (88065)
On 03/19/2009 at 5:10pm - intimacy - by LindseyS (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, at 4:00 a.m., I woke up and realized that I had thrown an expensive gift certificate for a friend in the garbage. Since it was garbage day, I ran out in the rain in my pajamas and rifled through all three bags of garbage. Twice. I found the gift certificate. It was in my pocket. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24866) - you deserved it (54230)
On 03/19/2009 at 4:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, when I was at the gynecologist my dr told me that I was really tense and the exam would be impossible if I didnt relax. So I started thinking about my boyfriend to relax and my mind went back to our last sex session. I started getting wet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20509) - you deserved it (64469)
On 03/19/2009 at 3:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Thursday 22 January 2015
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↑ amirn86's comment : Wait... did he pull you over by chance or was it that he told you he was going to? And you are a total douchebag if you were driving with a .15 and you deserve to go to jail. DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE PERIOD
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