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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I had a really cute waitress at lunch. I decided to leave my number and a $50 bill for a $15 check. When I left the restaurant I realized I still had the $50 but a $1 bill was missing from my wallet. I've been getting threatening text messages all day. FML

#829368
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15534) - you deserved it (58129)

On 04/06/2009 at 1:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I jokingly went over to a an attractive female co-worker and said "you look like you need a hug". She told me she wasn't feeling well and didn't want to be touched. No more than 30 seconds after our encounter she ran to give one of our more attractive male co-workers a hug. FML

#828756
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52294) - you deserved it (9602)

On 04/06/2009 at 12:39am - misc - by Lastsecondstand - United States (New York)

Today, my theatre teacher made me go on stage even though I had a violent stomach flu. My understudies were unreachable, and she threatened to fail me if I did not perform. Halfway through the first act, I vomited on the first row. She failed me for letting the cast down. FML

#828754
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (120492) - you deserved it (5514)

On 04/06/2009 at 12:39am - health - by juliet (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was walking out of a Starbucks and saw someone walking out behind me, thinking it would be the nice thing to do I held the door open. I was holding the door for about 30 seconds before realizing I was holding the door for my own shadow. FML

#828379
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17821) - you deserved it (59969)

On 04/06/2009 at 12:14am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was hungry and decided to nibble on some cheez-its I had in my room. After I had enjoyed some of them, I looked into the box to see how many I had left, where I noticed a lot of little black moving dots. Apparently I wasn't the only one enjoying the crackers. FML

#827222
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57467) - you deserved it (15711)

On 04/05/2009 at 11:19pm - misc - by hungry (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was ringing up a lady and her daughter at the shoe store I work at. The background on my nametag is a rainbow, and when the daughter saw it, she asked her mother why it was so. Her mother looks at my nametag, then me, then turns to her daughter and says "Because he hates God honey". FML

#827000
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65290) - you deserved it (4543)

On 04/05/2009 at 11:14pm - work - by maconda99 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to buy beer underage for a party to impress a girl. I picked up the case of beer and went to the cashier, he ran it through without asking for ID. I left the store with a smirk on my face, I arrived at the party and showed the case to the girl. It was non-alcoholic. FML

#825703
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10051) - you deserved it (92240)

On 04/05/2009 at 10:22pm - love - by Triedtobecool (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

alex_vik's comment : YDI for trying to buy beer underage AND YDI because you somehow thought that would impress a girl.

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Today, the 7 year old boy I was babysitting studied my upper lip and said "It's okay, my daddy won't let me shave yet either." I'm a girl. FML

#821314
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56298) - you deserved it (8222)

On 04/05/2009 at 6:04pm - misc - by YAABOIII (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, a car was waiting for me to cross the street so I thought it would be funny to slowly limp across the street. When I got to the end, I jumped as high as I could to show I was faking. Turns out I tripped and hit my head hard on the sidewalk. That car took me to the hospital. FML

#820879
368 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20143) - you deserved it (260635)

On 04/05/2009 at 5:39pm - misc - by funnyguyNOT (man) - United States

worb's comment : you're an idiot hurr durr let's hold up traffic!

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Today, I hired a babysitter, so my husband and I could spend some time together and work on our failing marriage. I dressed up. We went out. He got drunk and puked on me. FML

#820741
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82905) - you deserved it (6878)

On 04/05/2009 at 5:34pm - love - by IfuSeekAmyIdo (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was delivering packages to patients in the hospital for my job. My boss gave me a room to deliver to, and I drop it off as usual. But my boss gave me the wrong room number. I had to walk in, apologize, and take back balloons and a stuffed animal from a crying 6year old patient. FML

#819643
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (122374) - you deserved it (7506)

On 04/05/2009 at 4:17pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my parents came home after being out of town for the weekend. I stayed home, did homework and completely cleaned the house, thinking I could earn some brownie points with them. They saw how clean the house was and accused me of covering up a party. FML

#819596
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80294) - you deserved it (5747)

On 04/05/2009 at 4:15pm - misc - by brizzle (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was riding my bike and stopped at a street light. A little girl looked at me, then asked her mother, "Mommy, why does that girl have a ring through her nose?" Her mother then replied, "Because her parents don't love her." FML

#818828
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66350) - you deserved it (18224)

On 04/05/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)



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