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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was driving on the freeway in the back seat of my friends car. I looked over to the left and was greeted by a van full of adolescent boys waving and making the "call me" hand gesture. I then happened to looked down and realized that my right boob was completely out of my top. FML

#240249
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16109) - you deserved it (48762)

On 03/08/2009 at 3:11am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I bragged to a coworker that our boss compliments me constantly on my work performance, my fashion sense, and my trustworthiness. She then directed me to a "neighborhood watch" website. My boss is a registered sex offender. FML

#239569
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50681) - you deserved it (7270)

On 03/08/2009 at 12:47am - intimacy - by Kat (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was driving down the road when I got to a red light. I looked over and saw a hot chick in a convertible so I spoke to my window thinking she couldn't hear me "Hey girl, I may have a tiny dick but I make up for it in speed and stamina." She looked over. I forgot about the sunroof. FML

#239452
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8743) - you deserved it (80137)

On 03/08/2009 at 12:36am - intimacy - by Smash_Mouth - United States (Florida)

Esperantist's comment : This is where you point to your non-existent bluetooth headset on the side of your head facing away from her and say "Ha, this lady thought I was talking to her- Sorry Miss!"

See all the comments →

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for someone else. An hour earlier I had just gotten permission from her dad to propose. FML

#239413
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (141447) - you deserved it (6337)

On 03/08/2009 at 12:33am - love - by Brad (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I opened my birthday present from my grandfather. It was a map of the USA color coded by regional percentage of available men. FML

#238786
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54352) - you deserved it (3891)

On 03/07/2009 at 11:28pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was going to a Harry Potter convention since I love the books so much. On my drive there I got lost, and it only got worse when my car broke down. Since I forgot my cell phone I decided to try and hitch a ride. I stood on the side of a road for two hours dressed like Ron Weasley. FML

#238492
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27424) - you deserved it (53992)

On 03/07/2009 at 11:03pm - misc - by GrLifeusx (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I left my parents house to drive 90 minutes back to college. As I was getting off the exit for my school, I realized I left my bright pink vibrator sitting on my dresser back at home. FML

#236958
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20426) - you deserved it (68981)

On 03/07/2009 at 8:15pm - intimacy - by vibratorgirl (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, all of my friends and teachers asked me what was wrong because I looked sad and tired. One kid even said that I looked like "an abused housewife the day after." I was fine. It was the first time I went to school without wearing any makeup. FML

#234874
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56210) - you deserved it (8947)

On 03/07/2009 at 3:34pm - misc - by bu09 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was picking up my daughter from my ex-husband's house and his new girlfriend was there. I called to my daughter that it was time to leave and she clung to his girlfriend and said 'Mommy, I don't want to leave.' She wasn't talking to me. FML

#234756
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (137040) - you deserved it (9193)

On 03/07/2009 at 3:15pm - kids - by divorced (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were out to eat. The waiter came and asked what we wanted. My boyfriend said he wanted a cheeseburger and I told the waiter I'd have the same. My boyfriend looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't want a salad?" FML

#234150
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58930) - you deserved it (7521)

On 03/07/2009 at 1:36pm - love - by Kate (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was pushing my 4 year old on the swing. I did what we call our "under doggie push": I throw her up in the air while I run underneath her before she hits me coming back down. I walked away to get my water and she yelled across the park "Can we do it doggie-style again?" FML

#234103
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55526) - you deserved it (17749)

On 03/07/2009 at 1:28pm - kids - by Dang-ItsDanielle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I walked into the kitchen and accidentally broke my mother's vase. I said, "Accidents happen." She replied, "Yeah, like your birth." FML

#234028
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (96409) - you deserved it (19056)

On 03/07/2009 at 1:15pm - misc - by Cody (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my friend sent me an instant message, telling me how excited she was that she was accepted to a FIT Summer Program. I told her I was so proud, and that she can finally lose that excess weight. She told me that she meant Fashion Institute of Technology. FML

#233851
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15013) - you deserved it (65304)

On 03/07/2009 at 12:41pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)



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