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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, as soon as I got home, my girlfriend was waiting for me at the door. She told me she was breaking up with me, the reason? She found a girl's shirt in my closet and that she didn't need a cheating boyfriend. That shirt was mine. FML

#1226975
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56309) - you deserved it (11457)

On 04/22/2009 at 4:15pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my son and I were on an airplane playing "I Spy" to pass the time. The game went back and forth a few times when my son said, "I spy something yellow." After pointing out numerous yellow objects on the plane I gave up. He said, "Daddy! It's your teeth!" FML

#1225856
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52284) - you deserved it (18241)

On 04/22/2009 at 3:46pm - kids - by WTF (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, was my birthday. I purposely didn't log onto facebook all day so that I could read all my birthday wishes at once. When I logged on at the end of the day I had one notification. My "friend" had commented on a picture of me, saying I looked like jabba the hut. FML

#1225689
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70519) - you deserved it (8798)

On 04/22/2009 at 3:42pm - misc - by happybirthday (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I hinted at getting it on towards my wife (it's been 2 weeks since we last did). She answered with "no I'm to tired", within 2 minutes she said, "I'm gonna go use the treadmill". She got all hot and sweaty for about 30 minutes, but it was with the treadmill. FML

#1224037
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53786) - you deserved it (5580)

On 04/22/2009 at 2:47pm - love - by tripb101 - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was the best man at a wedding and I was flirting with a cute bridesmaid. Then this old guy decides to give the newlyweds a toast. He made a crappy joke and barely anybody laughed. So I say to the girl, "Wow that sucked, who the hell does he think he is?" The girl replies, "That's my dad". FML

#1223520
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10607) - you deserved it (67019)

On 04/22/2009 at 2:24pm - misc - by derranged - China (Tianjin)

Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly "you need to work on that". We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said "you need to work on not farting in your sleep". FML

#1222534
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22000) - you deserved it (81909)

On 04/22/2009 at 1:46pm - intimacy - by Screwed (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was crocheting while watching television, and thinking to myself how proud I was that I taught myself to crochet. Then, an episode of Golden Girls came on, and I watched that while I crocheted. I'm 24. FML

#1221621
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26026) - you deserved it (37616)

On 04/22/2009 at 1:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend stopped making out with me to watch a thirty minute infomercial on the Topsy-Turvy upside down tomato planter. FML

#1221446
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55946) - you deserved it (6622)

On 04/22/2009 at 1:02pm - love - by T-Pain (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend saying she needed more phone credit, so I bought her more and got another message saying "Great, now I have enough credit for this..." as she spelled out a three page message breaking up with me. Yes, I paid for her to break up with me via text. FML

#1219528
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74838) - you deserved it (7548)

On 04/22/2009 at 11:26am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my mum and I were walking down a road where we met an old neighbour who recently got divorced. Her son who we hadn't seen for about 10 years was with her and he looked very handsome. I said, "oh wow ! your son has grown up so much !" The woman replied, "this is my boyfriend." FML

#1218205
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42502) - you deserved it (8265)

On 04/22/2009 at 10:09am - misc - by Anonymous - Hong Kong

Today, I was at a party. The girl I'm madly in love with referred to me as her 'Gay Friend.' She refused to kiss me in Spin-the-Bottle as 'She didn't want to do anything with anyone that night'. She then made out, and slept with, my 'best friend' whom she had never met before. FML

#1218026
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73134) - you deserved it (5926)

On 04/22/2009 at 9:50am - love - by Bo (man) - United Kingdom (Wigan)

Today, I was running the 100m sprint in a track meet. Me and another girl were tied for dead last. When we finished, she complained, "It's so embarrassing how slow I am today. I have shin splints. What happened to you?" I was actually running my hardest. FML

#1217695
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50931) - you deserved it (7100)

On 04/22/2009 at 9:20am - misc - by slowrunner (woman) - United States (Minnesota)



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