Today, I slipped as I was about to take a shower, knocking myself out cold. I woke up to someone banging on my door. It was a cop checking to see if I was okay. When I asked how he knew to come, he said he was notified by "a male neighbor who called anonymously." I guess I have a peeping Tom. FML

by ThatAintLogical / 12/18/2009 at 3:46pm / United States (Louisiana) / Health

Today, a woman pushed me at the bar and told me how much she's always hated me. She was my grade five teacher. FML

by flurina / 12/18/2009 at 3:44pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my best friend decided to admit to me that he and my girlfriend have been cheating behind my back for the past two months. The reason he finally admitted it? Because she is now cheating on him with another one of our friends. FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2009 at 3:33pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, my sister and I got into a fight. I came home to find everything in my room covered in ketchup. FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2009 at 3:27pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realised that the most kisses I ever get are in text messages from my Dad. FML

by lovesucks / 12/18/2009 at 3:26pm / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Love

Today, my wife entered in an ugliest sweater competition at her work. She wore a plain white sweater with a picture of my face printed on it. She came home with first prize. FML

by mclovin09 / 12/18/2009 at 2:52pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was talking to my aunt about my brother's recent arrest for drug possession. I proudly told her that I have never done drugs of any kind. Her response: "Well, actually you were born addicted to heroin, so you had a drug problem long before your brother." FML

by drugbaby / 12/18/2009 at 2:23pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health

Today, I got a Christmas present from my boss. It was an ab workout video. FML

by B / 12/18/2009 at 11:19am / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend when my dad opened the door. I thought I hadn't been seen because the door was only open a tiny bit. I then looked into the mirror by the door to see my dad's reflection, staring at mine, horrified. I was on top. FML

by eatmyshipoopie / 12/18/2009 at 10:20am / United Kingdom (Neath Port Talbot) / Intimacy

Today, I looked at my house in Google Street View for the first time and noticed an unfamiliar vehicle in the driveway. When I asked my wife about it, she admitted to have an ongoing affair. Apparently the entire world knew my wife was having an affair before I did. FML

by cheaters_should_die / 12/18/2009 at 9:31am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I found out that my ex-husband just had a baby with his new partner. We only split up a week ago. FML

by paula123 / 12/18/2009 at 8:02am / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Love

Today, I was at the cinema. There was a really tall woman in front of me and whenever I leaned to the right or left she would lean to the same side I do. Later, she started laughing. They guy next to her was telling her where I moved. FML

by Mogg / 12/18/2009 at 3:42am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were using our skype accounts for the first time. He went to the restroom and I thought that I'd surprise him with my clothes off for when he came back. I heard him walk back into the room so I got into position. It wasn't him. It was his mom. FML

by Jssceli09 / 12/18/2009 at 3:25am / United States (Mississippi) / Intimacy