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Today, I was awarding medals to finalists in a school club. While putting one around someones neck, I ended up poking a girl in the eye. She tried to be a trooper by continuing to walk across stage but i guess her eyes got really watery because she missed the step and fell, breaking her ankle. FML

#10323
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22956) - you deserved it (7064)

On 02/05/2009 at 3:13pm - misc - by Craig (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I spent almost my entire English class turned on thinking that the hot girl next to me was playing footsie with me. That is until she stood up and I realized I had been rubbing my foot on her backpack. FML

#10022
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8301) - you deserved it (40958)

On 02/05/2009 at 1:04pm - misc - by Kevin (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I sent my best friend Mike the link to a porn site we were talking about at a party. Turns out the name "Mom" is right next to "Mike" in my contacts list. FML

#9718
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13282) - you deserved it (47104)

On 02/05/2009 at 10:39am - intimacy - by menerethrr - United States (Virginia)

Today, I discovered in my house a drawer full of chocolates, cookies and baked goods. When I asked my sister what the drawer was, she told me that my mom thought it would be a good idea to hide the fattening foods from me. My entire family had known about the food drawer except me. FML

#9673
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26655) - you deserved it (7355)

On 02/05/2009 at 10:24am - health - by Tori (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my phone rang for the first time in four days. It was my mom. She dialed the wrong number. FML

#9653
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39503) - you deserved it (2742)

On 02/05/2009 at 10:14am - love - by lonely (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidentally sent it to my dad and got a text back saying, "You definitely take after your mom." FML

#9520
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34069) - you deserved it (59511)

On 02/05/2009 at 9:09am - intimacy - by ruffrider (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I had just gotten over the flu and thought I was better. So me and my boyfriend decided to have sex. As I was about to orgasm, I puked all over his face. He was so disgusted that he ended up throwing up on me as well. FML

#9514
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63547) - you deserved it (24353)

On 02/05/2009 at 9:06am - intimacy - by Foxy (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

#9438
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46021) - you deserved it (13864)

On 02/05/2009 at 8:23am - animals - by #201 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got fired from my job. I worked for my parents. FML

#9285
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35484) - you deserved it (9197)

On 02/05/2009 at 6:41am - work - by fml (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I went to the doctor's office because I was sick. The male nurse led me back and when he weighed me, he said "Why do I get all the beefy girls today?". FML

#9160
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33466) - you deserved it (5012)

On 02/05/2009 at 5:05am - health - by makinascene (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my wife left me the following voicemail: “Alex, last night was amazing. You took me to places I’ve never been to before. I can’t wait to see you tonight after work.” My name is Rob. We haven’t had sex in two years. FML

#9051
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55185) - you deserved it (8248)

On 02/05/2009 at 2:57am - intimacy - by Barrel - United States (Missouri)

Today, I walked past a man handing out miniature Bibles on my way to class. He handed me one, commenting "here, you look like you need this." FML

#8842
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20985) - you deserved it (4167)

On 02/04/2009 at 8:18pm - misc - by Michigan (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

#8816
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47745) - you deserved it (16901)

On 02/04/2009 at 7:58pm - intimacy - by PlayTag (man) - United States (California)



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