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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I took a friend out for what I thought was date. After dinner was over and I paid, she pulled the bill out and wrote her name phone number on it for the waiter. FML

#51117
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46807) - you deserved it (3102)

On 02/16/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I submitted my picture to a rating website. It was rejected because I didn't clarify which person I was. The picture was of my dog and me. FML

#50686
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46117) - you deserved it (6236)

On 02/16/2009 at 12:45am - animals - by Ugh - United States (California)

Today, at the gym, I see a person laying unconscious on the ground with people crowded around. Previously being a lifeguard, and knowing CPR, I ran over and asked a man what happened, preparing to check his vitals. I then realized that the body was a dummy and the employees were doing a drill. FML

#50610
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13997) - you deserved it (26829)

On 02/16/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by thedullard (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job, he was twitching and moving around and saying "oh yeah" then he said "take that bitch". I looked up to see he was only excited about how he is domination in Call of Duty 4. FML

#48381
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43356) - you deserved it (9516)

On 02/15/2009 at 7:33pm - intimacy - by Noname - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a card for my birthday and told me to open it 10 minutes after he'd gone; I waited for 5. In the card was written, "It's not working out, but here's $20." FML

#48184
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60927) - you deserved it (3358)

On 02/15/2009 at 6:57pm - misc - by blah (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML

#47954
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27761) - you deserved it (44926)

On 02/15/2009 at 6:15pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I was hooking up with a guy for the first time and he told me I was in luck. When I asked why he replied, "I like little boobs." FML

#47505
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50074) - you deserved it (5877)

On 02/15/2009 at 4:44pm - intimacy - by miapapaya (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to a fastfood restaurant to pick up food for my work party. I ordered 250 chicken fingers, 15 orders of fries, and 2 gallons of tea, and the guy behind the counter asked, "Is this for here or to go?" FML

Today, I was at a fraternity party, and one of the hosts said over the loudspeaker "turn to the person next to you and picture them naked, then drink a beer if the mental image disturbs you". I turned, only to be face-to-face with my ex-boyfriend. He drank two beers. FML

#47156
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35586) - you deserved it (4938)

On 02/15/2009 at 3:28pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was a host during kids' event. I did my job and started to do some funny moves to entertain the kids. I was wearing a top with a really low cut. Then noticed that all the children were pointing at me happily and adults looked surprised. Then I noticed that both my boobs had popped out. FML

#46183
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10470) - you deserved it (51123)

On 02/15/2009 at 10:49am - misc - by Nastiaa (woman) - Estonia (Harjumaa)

Today, I was playing musical chairs at a family reunion. It's a well known fact that I'm competitive and tend to hip check people to get that last chair. It came down to me and The Nana. I won. The Nana has a broken hip. FML

#46151
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7387) - you deserved it (64434)

On 02/15/2009 at 10:29am - misc - by nana. (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I accompanied some friends to sign up for a gym. When we got there, the guy handed me a form, too. I said, "Oh, I'm not signing up." He replied, "Out of all of you, you need it the most." He then said he was also a nutritionist, and offered a consultation. FML

#46035
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30381) - you deserved it (9784)

On 02/15/2009 at 8:56am - misc - by charpanda007 (man) - Hong Kong

Today, I ran over a beer bottle which popped my car tire, which then caused me to swerve into a police cruiser. FML

#46008
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55095) - you deserved it (3774)

On 02/15/2009 at 8:28am - misc - by andjusticeforall (man) - United States (Illinois)



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