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Today, I was babysitting an eleven year old boy. He decided we should play with nerf guns with velcro tips. I shot him in the crotch accidentally, and the dart stuck on his pants wiggling for about a full minute before his dad walked in to find us both staring at his son's crotch, giggling. FML

#256188
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44741) - you deserved it (11980)

On 03/09/2009 at 10:04pm - kids - by xoVioLoveox (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was taking the subway to school. It was around 6:30am and I was listening to music and catching up on homework. When I took my headphones off to readjust them, I heard some grunting. I looked over at the man across from me to see he was masturbating. FML

#256186
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67386) - you deserved it (3229)

On 03/09/2009 at 10:04pm - intimacy - by danesy - United States (New York)

Today, as I was bagging groceries, I looked down to see a 6-year-old urinating on my shoes and the floor next to me. I told his mother that he should take her kid to the restroom, only to be told to "mind my own goddamn business." I was later fired for arguing with the customer. FML

#256127
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (139868) - you deserved it (6377)

On 03/09/2009 at 10:00pm - work - by unemployed (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was in my backyard scolding my cat. I yelled, "If you can't learn to use the bathroom correctly then I am going to leave your stupid butt out here in the snow until you figure it out!!" Later, my neighbor left me a nasty note about child abuse - she thought I was scolding my son. FML

#255521
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47914) - you deserved it (10906)

On 03/09/2009 at 9:16pm - kids - by flaggurl (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had my wisdom teeth pulled. There was a cyst behind one of them, and the dentist decided to extract it - except the Novocaine didn't reach that far back. I raised my hand like they said to do, and the dentist looked at me writing in pain and said, "No, you're fine." FML

#255362
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69988) - you deserved it (2882)

On 03/09/2009 at 9:03pm - health - by toothache (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was at a dance. I was griding with this guy when I felt something move in his pants. I stood up and stepped away. He replied with "Don't flatter yourself, it was my phone". FML

#254929
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20023) - you deserved it (50164)

On 03/09/2009 at 8:26pm - misc - by Joe (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was babysitting my co-workers son. He was eating jell-o and spilt it on his top, so I pulled off his pj's, and went in his room to grab a new pair. I heard a thunk and ran to find him out cold on the floor. His parents walked in on me trying to wake up their naked 3 year old. FML

#254366
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43192) - you deserved it (5240)

On 03/09/2009 at 7:36pm - misc - by Noname (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, these kids in my math class told me to ask this girl if I could lick her clit. I basically yelled 'what's a clit'? Everyone looked at me. I'm a senior in high school, no one has yet to explain it to me. I had to google it when i got home. FML

#254280
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35496) - you deserved it (77253)

On 03/09/2009 at 7:29pm - intimacy - by danmarino (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

skatingweasel's comment : Dude...you need to get laid.

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citylights's comment : hahahahahaha that is fucked

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Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML

#253900
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79415) - you deserved it (7769)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:54pm - misc - by missy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had a job interview. I stopped to take a pee in the lobby before I went in. I relaxed a bit too much at the urinal and accidentally farted. I chuckled about it like a 5-year old for a few seconds. The guy that had been next to me at the urinal was the interviewer. FML

#253814
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18755) - you deserved it (42440)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:45pm - work - by ADH2000 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was talking to my mom about who I wanted to ask to prom. I told her the names of the girls I was thinking of asking and she replied, "They'll say no, but you can always go with one of your cousins." FML

#252783
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58213) - you deserved it (2817)

On 03/09/2009 at 5:02pm - misc - by Tony (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my best friend resolved things with her boyfriend after he had admitted to cheating on her. I felt really guilty because I drunkenly hooked up with her boyfriend last month. She said, "I felt better when he told me that the girl was extremely ugly and bad in bed." FML

#252691
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14468) - you deserved it (101695)

On 03/09/2009 at 4:52pm - misc - by collegegirl90 - United States (Texas)



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