Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I sent a guy that I like a lot a picture of myself, I got all dressed up sexy and did my make-up. He sent me a reply saying "your cat is fat". FML

#5809
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23795) - you deserved it (5874)

On 02/02/2009 at 9:36pm - love - by Noname - United States (California)

Today, I woke from last night after meeting the most amazing man, and after giving him a good morning kiss, roll out of bed to use his bathroom. After using his toothbrush, I go to replace it in his holder only to find not one, but several prescriptions for herpes in his unzipped toiletry bag. FML

#5784
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18289) - you deserved it (38577)

On 02/02/2009 at 8:42pm - love - by screwed. - United States (District of Columbia)

Haelous's comment : Use condoms. Don't use other peoples toothbrushes. Get some common sense.

See all the comments →

Today, I am going to an event where I will be meeting quite a few people who will be excellent contacts in my future career. Since I wanted to make a good impression, I did the whole makeup and grooming thing before setting out, I accidentally removed about half my left eyebrow. FML

#5776
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18579) - you deserved it (7034)

On 02/02/2009 at 8:10pm - work - by wiseoldone - United States (New York)

Today, I asked a guy out on a coffee date, and we started talking about our mutual careers. At the end of the date he asked me if I had any more questions about job opportunities or any more advice, then shook my hand and gave me his contact card. FML

#5748
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22929) - you deserved it (3122)

On 02/02/2009 at 7:54pm - love - by myrie (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to a fast food restaurant. The guy behind me was a pretty hot latin guy. When I went to pay, my purse fell off the counter. My birth control pills, a condom, 3 super plus tampons and an extra pair of underwear I keep in there for emergencies fell out at his feet. FML

#5739
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23081) - you deserved it (9906)

On 02/02/2009 at 7:42pm - misc - by houdini - United States (California)

Today, I bit into a cereal bar and thought the inside was oddly damp. I took a look at it and saw a maggot worm wriggling around. Its friend was in my mouth. FML

#5588
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44810) - you deserved it (2664)

On 02/02/2009 at 5:00pm - work - by Rachel (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got stuck in an elevator for 2 hours with my boyfriend and the guy that I have been secretly having an affair with for 6 months. FML

#5470
319 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42090) - you deserved it (346155)

On 02/02/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (Maryland)

HAnkYPoo's comment : I just hope your boyfriend is banging someone else.

See all the comments →

Today, I was having sex with a girl. After we finish, she tells me she already has a boyfriend, and that his penis is larger than mine. FML

#5431
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53309) - you deserved it (9205)

On 02/02/2009 at 1:27pm - intimacy - by FML (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom slept all day. But when she got out of bed for five minutes, she told me I was a worthless piece of shit. Then she went back to bed. FML

#5419
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40718) - you deserved it (2274)

On 02/02/2009 at 1:07pm - misc - by asdf - United States (Washington)

Today, I went out on a date with a girl for the first time. I opened her car door for her and then slammed her leg in it upon closing. She will be in a cast for 6 weeks. FML

#5393
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28758) - you deserved it (8825)

On 02/02/2009 at 12:23pm - love - by JD (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend asked if her friend Alex from high school could join in with us and we could have an amazing threesome. As a horny dude how could I say no? Turns out Alex is also a guys name. FML

#5350
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14692) - you deserved it (61857)

On 02/02/2009 at 11:29am - intimacy - by Randy Savage (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I realized that the dog humping my leg was the most action I've gotten in months. FML

#5320
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41593) - you deserved it (7480)

On 02/02/2009 at 10:57am - intimacy - by a-non (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend went into great detail over the Tiffany's jewelry he painstakingly selected for his previous girlfriends on their birthday. I got hand towels. In powder blue. From Target. FML

#5208
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30307) - you deserved it (2074)

On 02/02/2009 at 8:25am - love - by bewitched and bothered - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Matteor's illustrated FML #2
  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: