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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

#7193
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38538) - you deserved it (1886)

On 02/04/2009 at 2:53am - animals - by RustyBulletHole - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realized that I know more about Paris Hilton's cervix than how my government is run. FML

#6894
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6437) - you deserved it (34675)

On 02/03/2009 at 7:11pm - misc - by parishiltonsbff (man) - United States (California)

Today, my friend's son asked me how much coke costs in this place. I told him "about a dollar?" He said "wow, that's really cheap for blow." He's 10. FML

#6869
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33101) - you deserved it (2564)

On 02/03/2009 at 6:55pm - kids - by Morgan (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while surfing facebook I noticed someone in my network had recently shifted his relationship status from undeclared to "single." We've been dating exclusively for nine months. FML

#6861
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27585) - you deserved it (2075)

On 02/03/2009 at 6:51pm - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML

#6850
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16009) - you deserved it (46480)

On 02/03/2009 at 6:47pm - intimacy - by thermos (man) - United States (California)

Today, a woman walked out of the Humane Society with a cat carrier. I said, "Oh did you adopt him?" She walked past and started crying. She had just brought her cat in to be euthanized. FML

#6800
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19241) - you deserved it (7402)

On 02/03/2009 at 6:19pm - animals - by Ves (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I walked in the snow and saw some kid slip. I laughed and felt good about myself. Then I fell. FML

#6753
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5568) - you deserved it (63750)

On 02/03/2009 at 5:56pm - misc - by WestboroBC (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found FML for the first time in class, and literally laughed out loud in the middle of the lecture in front of 200 classmates. Today's lecture? The cruelties of slavery. FML

#6752
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28697) - you deserved it (27758)

On 02/03/2009 at 5:55pm - work - by kprice6 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I showed my boyfriend a picture of me in what I thought was a sexy skintight dress. He responded by saying "it's ok, I went through a pudgy stage too". The picture was from Saturday night. FML

#6715
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26633) - you deserved it (3588)

On 02/03/2009 at 5:38pm - love - by Sam - United States (New York)

Today, when my boyfriend was about to orgasm, I suddenly sneezed all over his face. FML

#6669
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35361) - you deserved it (8226)

On 02/03/2009 at 5:16pm - intimacy - by Zippyzoo (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, the police called because someone had turned in my wallet that was stolen. I happily drove home only to find that my house had been robbed and ransacked. FML

#6627
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42569) - you deserved it (1687)

On 02/03/2009 at 4:46pm - money - by fire0fisis - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I walked in on my porn addicted roommate watching a gynecologist exam online. He asked me to watch it with him. FML

#6607
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42261) - you deserved it (3705)

On 02/03/2009 at 4:38pm - intimacy - by Escape! (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was taking the elevator down with a group of people. It stopped on the 2nd floor and I said "What asshole can't take the steps from the 2nd floor?" Then a kid in a wheelchair got on. FML

#6517
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6339) - you deserved it (45842)

On 02/03/2009 at 3:30pm - misc - by j0natron (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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