Today, I decided to make myself a nice meal. I bought expensive pasta and sauce etc. It looked delicious, I decided the finishing touch would be some parmesan cheese. I grabbed the bag and threw a handful of cheese on my meal. The cheese was about 98% mould. FML

by garlicbread / 11/26/2009 at 5:11pm / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML

by smellsofeggs / 11/26/2009 at 4:13pm / United Kingdom (Brent) / Animals

Today, I left my new iphone in a taxi I was sharing with a friend. Apparently when I got out she looked at it, told the driver some one had left it and gave it to him. FML

by hockey / 11/26/2009 at 3:47pm / United Kingdom (London) / Transportation

Today, I had six friends round for pizza. When I went to answer the door to the delivery, my friends turned off the lights and pretended they weren't there when I shouted for help carrying all the food. Not only does the cute delivery guy think I'm greedy, but also that I have imaginary friends. FML

by has-evil-friends / 11/26/2009 at 3:30pm / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Miscellaneous

Today, I hit a deer. The worst part? Papa deer saw me hit mama deer, and proceded to ram into my car. FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2009 at 2:11pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Transportation

Today, I was walking in rain. I had my hands in my pants pockets, so that the front of the jacket was pointing down. Halfway to Taco Bell, my crotch felt exceptionally wet. I looked down to see a wet spot. The rain on my jacket was channeled to my crotch. FML

by jaeilssanguh / 11/26/2009 at 1:49pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went out to lunch with a girl I like and her best friend. We had a good time, even talked for a few hours at the restaurant, but after we left, she stopped talking to me. Her friend told her that I kept staring at her chest; I was trying to see what her pendant was. FML

by LonelyLoner / 11/26/2009 at 1:19pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I went on a blind double date with my friend. My date was actually blind. Not so bad, he seemed nice, until he told me I sound ugly and annoying. My friend laughed and agreed. FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2009 at 12:44pm / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Love

Today, I went to see the new Twilight movie, for the second time. The first time was at the midnight premiere. I would be "okay" with it if the person who had dragged me to see it both times hadn't been my boyfriend. FML

by HeSaysImNoBeard / 11/26/2009 at 11:47am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to Disneyworld. I fell and hit my head while jumping up and down to see Ariel. I'm a 35 year old man. FML

by disney / 11/26/2009 at 11:30am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into a liquor store and thought about inquiring for a job application. After seeing the cashier, I thought about inquiring if she was single. After accidentally breaking three bottles of liquor, I didn't do either. I left the store, still single and unemployed. FML

by Cup_of___ / 11/26/2009 at 11:23am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up early. As I was just about to fall back asleep, I was re-awoken to the sound of my parents doing it in the shower. FML

by whattheshit / 11/26/2009 at 9:19am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I found out there's a Harry Potter club at my school. My boyfriend is in it. FML

by harrypottermuch / 11/26/2009 at 6:50am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

badumdum's comment : I see no problem with this

See all the comments