Today, the day of my 29th birthday and two weeks after our 10th wedding anniversary, the only thing my husband got me for my birthday was divorce papers. Happy birthday, bitch. FML

by Jeri / 02/12/2010 at 3:41am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2010 at 2:51am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was robbed at work. The guy stole my cell phone, bag, and laptop. Because of the robbery, I had to close the store two and a half hours early. My boss decided to dock my hours. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2010 at 2:44am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, I walked across my kitchen to go get my mom a blanket after she shoveled snow. I slipped and caught the kitchen chair with my side, landed on the floor and almost fracturing my knee cap. She then told me she wasn't cold. FML

by a / 02/12/2010 at 1:20am / United States (Maryland) / Health

Today, when setting up for a rehearsal, my eldest teacher was standing next to me. My music teacher announces that it will be a tight fit and hard for everyone to fit in the area. The old teacher next to me leans over and whispers, "I'd like to fit in your tight area." FML

by pinky / 02/12/2010 at 12:13am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

hjrn's comment : you so need to report that!!!

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Today, my doctor put me on some extra strength antibiotics for an infection. On the label it says "WARNING: may cause Diarrhea"... 'may cause' is a funny term... this is the second time I've sharted in my pants today. FML

by NotSoSick / 02/12/2010 at 12:11am / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, I found out the guy I've been dating is heavily into a mystical card game and spends all of his money going to "Magic" card conventions across the country. FML

by anonymous / 02/12/2010 at 12:03am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, we had our second snow day in a row, something that never happens. So while the rest of school got to sleep late, I had to wake up early, get dressed, and go to my bus stop because my mom didn't believe me. FML

by goestoschoolonsnowdays / 02/12/2010 at 12:02am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a conference for work. When I got there I sat beside a woman about my age. She immediately got up and moved to the opposite side of the room. We were the only two there. FML

by Female / 02/11/2010 at 10:32pm / United States / Work

Today, I bundled up to shovel my car out of almost 2 feet of snow, only to find my car was gone. I ran into the nearby police station to report my stolen car. The policeman trudged down with me to get a report. I had parked my car on the other side of the street. FML

by snowbunny / 02/11/2010 at 9:14pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, I stepped on the scale because I'm trying to maintain a good weight. The scale read that I had lost 6 pounds. Feeling really good about myself, I stepped off the scale only to see that the corner of the scale was sitting on the rug, making the scale mess up and tell me the wrong weight. FML

by unknown002 / 02/11/2010 at 8:25pm / United States (Kansas) / Health

Today, I found out the crappy shampoo I've been borrowing from my girlfriend is actually "feminine wash." FML

by SummersEve / 02/11/2010 at 7:47pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went in to a job interview with 6 other girls my age. I tried to sit down on a chair exactly like the ones every other girl was sitting on. Then, one of the interviewers offered to get me a more "sturdy" chair. For the entire interview, I got to sit in the "fat girl chair". FML

by HellaBomber91 / 02/11/2010 at 3:15pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous