Today, I took my girlfriend's 4-year-old son and four of his friends to the amusement park. While walking down a hill, I slipped on some water and slid down the hill, taking out multiple children. It wasn't rain. I'd slid on vomit. FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2009 at 12:22pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, my friend found a picture of herself on a website filled with pictures of thin people. I was in the picture, also. I was crossed-out with the word, "EWW" written next to me. FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2009 at 12:09pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I overhead my mother's request to be spanked harder by my dad. FML

by NeedHeadPhone / 11/30/2009 at 11:51am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I posted a picture of my boyfriend and I kissing on facebook. He untagged himself. FML

by destiny147 / 11/30/2009 at 7:17am / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Love

Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend watching me sleep. I asked him if he was staring at me because he was in love. He replied that it was because my farting wouldn't let him sleep. FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2009 at 2:37am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I pulled over to help an attractive girl on the highway in the middle of nowhere. When I asked if she needed help she told me she was going to try starting her car one more time. She then started to make fake engine noises and told me that she was good to go and that I should be on my way. FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2009 at 2:27am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, I got the repair estimate for my car. It is going to cost me $3,000 to rebuild the front end. It was wrecked because a couple decided to have a lovers spat in the middle of the freeway. I had that car for exactly four hours. FML

by Dante / 11/30/2009 at 2:07am / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, my very traditional parents told me that I should start a savings account for my marriage. I told them that I wouldn't get married until much later because I don't even have a boyfriend yet. They said, "Don't worry we already found a boy for you." FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2009 at 1:53am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, while flying on American Airlines back from visiting family, a new born puked its breakfast all over my HP mini, knocked my orange juice ino my lap, and than coughed up another layer on top of it all. I couldn't change my pants because of we were about to experience turbulance. FML

by coloradoman / 11/30/2009 at 1:34am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, I was working at a restaurant when my manager approached me and informed me that there was people having sex in the women's washroom, and he needed me to go in and ask them to cut it out. So I did. Five minutes later, a woman walks out with her disabled son and asks to talk to my manager. FML

by Janer88 / 11/30/2009 at 12:51am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I was riding my bike back to my house. Suddenly I was hit by something in the head. I looked down to see a lemon on the ground and looked up to see a guy yelling at me in a car that was passing. He was yelling at me because I got in the way of the house he was throwing it at. FML

by Lemonhead / 11/30/2009 at 12:01am / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, my mom sat on a pencil and started bleeding. She then made me clean the wound on her butt and put ointment on it. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2009 at 9:39pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I spoke with my boyfriend's crazy ex-girlfriend. Actually, she isn't all that crazy. He really did cheat on her with half a dozen other girls. The same girls he's apparently cheating on me with. How do I know for sure? Thank you crazy ex for his email passwords. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2009 at 9:06pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

KarmaLanding's comment : Your boyfriend sounds a lot like my ex. Who told all our mutual friends that I'm a monstrously perverted sexual deviant with "an extensive collection of horse cock dildos and my own personal dungeon". Why? Because I was "mean" to him when he tried to hook up with me after I broke up with him.

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