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Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML

#126669
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (122334) - you deserved it (22194)

On 02/24/2009 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Stupoopy's comment : You should go to your mom in two weeks and be like "MOM I THINK THE CONDOMS I HAD DIDN'T WORK! NOW IM PREGNANT!" and then we'll see who's laughing.

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Today, my hard drive on my computer crashed with all of my files on it. I took it to my Dad, who is a computer analyst, to see if he could recover anything. The only thing that he could salvage was my illustrious collection of porn. FML

#125777
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19349) - you deserved it (60865)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:57pm - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML

#125499
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82228) - you deserved it (20439)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:32pm - intimacy - by Menareidiots (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, everyone at school was talking about some guy that did another girl while he was going out with someone. I started to spread the rumor myself, until someone told me that that guy was my boyfriend. The other girl was my best friend. FML

#125458
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50820) - you deserved it (24088)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:28pm - misc - by LockandKey - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to the gym and worked out with a trainer. While doing arm exercises he commented on how impressed he was with the size of my triceps. That really boosted my self-confidence, until he leaned in to feel them and said, "Oh, it's just fat." FML

#125305
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40484) - you deserved it (6115)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:14pm - health - by Sheezey (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got up early and really put some extra effort into my appearance to catch the eye of a cute guy at work. I walked in and the woman that sits in the desk beside me looks over and says, "wow, are you sick? You're not looking too good." FML

#125182
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37367) - you deserved it (4292)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:00pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was pissing in a urinal and I had the urge to sneeze. Unable to hold it, I sneezed and hit my head on a metal beam supporting the urinal. In complete disarray, I had to step back from the urinal while pissing and managed to spray the floor, the wall, and the person next to me. FML

#125156
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57613) - you deserved it (6908)

On 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by iliketurtles (man) - United States (California)

Today, I asked a very cute fireman for his number "just in case I needed him to come to my rescue"... He told me "Yeah sure!" and scribbled it down. After he walked away I read his note: "911". FML

#125152
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16986) - you deserved it (44299)

On 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I stayed home, sick in bed. I had been sleeping on my arms. I got up quickly to grab the phone. My numb left arm rocketed and punched me in the (now cut) lip, which threw me off balance, making me smash my (now bloody) nose off of the headboard. It was a telemarketer. FML

#123831
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48745) - you deserved it (5477)

On 02/24/2009 at 3:34pm - health - by Sick (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked into work after being completly wasted last night. I was sitting in a meeting when all of a sudden the presenter had gotten an e-mail saying "crazy girl dances on tables at local bar". So obviously everyone wanted to watch it. That crazy girl was me. FML

#123321
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13083) - you deserved it (44619)

On 02/24/2009 at 2:21pm - work - by lifesucks (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while working on a medical school application, I asked my mom what she thought my greatest challenge in life had been. She replied : "Trying to lose your virginity." FML

#122918
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72089) - you deserved it (5826)

On 02/24/2009 at 1:16pm - intimacy - by Dr. Virgin (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I asked my dad if he could fix my bed. It had been squeaking for some time. He shook his head no. He then continued with, "Your bed is a security system and as far as I can tell, you haven't gotten any in weeks". FML

#122895
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44305) - you deserved it (4585)

On 02/24/2009 at 1:13pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Florida)

Today, I stopped at a lemonade stand on my way to work. A cute little girl handed me a mouthwash-sized cup of juice, and her adorable little brother told me it would be $.25. All I had was a $20. He shoved it into his overalls pocket, looked up with huge brown eyes and just said "Thank you." FML

#122747
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19508) - you deserved it (51117)

On 02/24/2009 at 12:47pm - kids - by ripdivine (woman) - United States (Michigan)

bobdole's comment : the economy is rough. lemonade is expensive.

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