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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I got a "save the date" card for the wedding of a couple my husband knows. I was excited because I really wish to be better friends with these people. I emailed the bride, "I got your STD!" and hit send before I realized how that sounded. FML

#60508
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10100) - you deserved it (39169)

On 02/17/2009 at 12:11pm - misc - by silkytaco - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I spent $20 on a spray tan, $30 to have my make up done, and $50 on a pretty new dress all for a special date with my boyfriend. It turns out I spent $100 just to get dumped. FML

#60483
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41716) - you deserved it (7302)

On 02/17/2009 at 12:05pm - misc - by bertthelamb (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my lesbian sister enthusiastically showed me her new strap on. Not only does she get more girls than me, she now has a bigger penis too. FML

#60108
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66003) - you deserved it (5132)

On 02/17/2009 at 10:27am - misc - by stillsingleladies (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I was afraid our future children would be fat and ugly. He reassured me, saying that he was sure our spawn would take on after him. FML

#59488
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32225) - you deserved it (11647)

On 02/17/2009 at 3:30am - love - by Noname (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I saw my friend across campus, and I decided that I wanted to play a trick on her and scare her from behind. Turns out, I scared a complete stranger with really bad panic induced asthma. FML

#59474
11 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9880) - you deserved it (37689)

On 02/17/2009 at 3:25am - misc - by boo! (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had sex for the first time with a guy. After he passionately made love to me, I turned to him and said "you smell really good." He turned to me and said "You don't." FML

#59427
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48703) - you deserved it (11986)

On 02/17/2009 at 3:10am - intimacy - by pixie (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I told my mom I want to try out for American Idol. She responded with, "You don't take disappointment well." FML

#59071
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12993) - you deserved it (26422)

On 02/17/2009 at 2:01am - misc - by abbyleigh08 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I made a couple videos of me playing guitar and singing some of my favorite songs. I arrived back from school to find my family huddled around the cam-corder laughing, imitating, and making jokes about the video. FML

#58147
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30309) - you deserved it (7897)

On 02/17/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by SADlilAZN (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my grandmother told me that not only does she not accept me as a homosexual man, but that she feels my relationship with a little person is "spitting in God's face." FML

#56713
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41353) - you deserved it (11782)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:34pm - love - by iamatthewroberts (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
505 comments

I agree, your life sucks (232506) - you deserved it (81228)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)

Seegtease's comment : That kid needs some old-fashioned discipline. 5? Are you kidding me?

See all the comments →

Today, at physical therapy, the girl next to me had a blue armband. I said, "Hey, sweet iPod". She said, "Actually, I have diabetes." FML

#56080
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10264) - you deserved it (36674)

On 02/16/2009 at 8:31pm - health - by LA (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while at work I was reading "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" to me class of 5 year olds. I got near the end of the book and said "Look at the big fat caterpillar" to which one of my pupils replied "Just like you, Miss!" FML

#55893
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37171) - you deserved it (5312)

On 02/16/2009 at 8:11pm - kids - by Lesley (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I received a box in the mail from my mom which I assumed was a care package. It was a scale to encourage me to lose weight. FML

#55512
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31343) - you deserved it (5370)

On 02/16/2009 at 7:26pm - health - by Loot (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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