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Man or woman?

Today, I was looking after my parents house and their wiener dog, and fell asleep on the couch. The dog climbed onto my shoulders and rested behind my head like a doggie neck pillow. All was great until she farted right in my left ear. FML

#5060
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17938) - you deserved it (6349)

On 02/01/2009 at 11:31pm - animals - by Noname - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I asked my mother if she thought my cat was getting fat. She replied "It's not the cat you should worry about". FML

#5051
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21398) - you deserved it (4701)

On 02/01/2009 at 10:22pm - animals - by mikep - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I asked a little old lady in line at my work why she wasn't out enjoying the beautiful day with all her friends. Her response: "I'd love to, but they're all dead." FML

#4982
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14188) - you deserved it (24575)

On 02/01/2009 at 7:51pm - love - by beckbr - United States (Michigan)

Today, I am staying with my grandmother and overheard her having phone sex. FML

#4977
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37193) - you deserved it (2118)

On 02/01/2009 at 7:43pm - intimacy - by epistaxis - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was standing on a desk at work to run wiring in a suspended ceiling, since we have no ladder. My phone rang, I rushed to answer it, tripping and smashing my leg. It was my boss, calling to tell me he was bringing over a ladder. FML

#4954
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18822) - you deserved it (3388)

On 02/01/2009 at 7:11pm - work - by fonsui - United States (New York)

Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML

#4944
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24518) - you deserved it (4941)

On 02/01/2009 at 6:57pm - misc - by achtung - United States (Connecticut)

Today, it's my birthday. My wife gave me a card saying "You made it to 36!". It's my 35th birthday. FML

#4884
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25981) - you deserved it (1920)

On 02/01/2009 at 5:47pm - love - by Chakkamofo - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was masturbating to a girl with huge tits on the internet. I then scrolled down and found out she had a penis. FML

#4860
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9205) - you deserved it (52609)

On 02/01/2009 at 5:17pm - intimacy - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, for the Superbowl halftime show, my mom was blasting the TV, dancing, and singing along to Bruce Springsteen in front of me and my boyfriend. FML

#4751
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16618) - you deserved it (6051)

On 02/01/2009 at 2:09pm - misc - by Embarrassed daughter.. - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend called me by his mother's name for the 100th time. I'm a guy. FML

#4745
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32473) - you deserved it (9090)

On 02/01/2009 at 2:01pm - love - by someonevexed - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg)

Today, I talked to my boss about the fact that I have been diagnosed as bipolar and I am having a really hard time with it. He told me to look on the bright side, now that I'm crazy I will never have to do Jury Duty. FML

#4725
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24091) - you deserved it (3424)

On 02/01/2009 at 1:08pm - health - by crazymuch - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked in on my Mum and Dad having sex and didn't even realize what they were doing until she shouted at him to go harder. FML

#4715
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41976) - you deserved it (5153)

On 02/01/2009 at 12:38pm - intimacy - by Bear - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, I was talking to my friend about my life and she stopped me mid-sentence and told me that my life makes her sad. FML

#4714
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23177) - you deserved it (2548)

On 02/01/2009 at 12:37pm - misc - by why... - United States (Michigan)



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