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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I had the cops called on me because I accidentally texted "I'm going to kill you and use your head as hood ornament" to my ex-fiancé, instead of my best friend. I only texted that because he got a better grade on an exam than me. Now I have a court date. FML

#133313
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27943) - you deserved it (40075)

On 02/25/2009 at 2:05pm - misc - by Joe (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I emailed my boyfriend from work. Out of habit, I absent-mindedly entered my department into the "From" field. My boyfriend didn't notice when he replied. Now my entire department knows I want to "drop to my knees and suck him when I get home." And he plans to "finish on my face." FML

#133145
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14257) - you deserved it (66402)

On 02/25/2009 at 1:41pm - work - by foolishgirl (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it stuck mid-floor. Being supportive, I went to hug her and tell her we'll be OK. Today I also learned that my girlfriend is deathly claustrophobic and her predominant reaction is to vomit. In this case, all over me. We were stuck for 2 hours. FML

#132840
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49859) - you deserved it (3199)

On 02/25/2009 at 12:53pm - love - by goingup? (man) - United States (New York)

Today, in art class we finally had the critique for the self portraits we've been working on for a month. We critique a few and come to mine. Everyone is silent. Finally, one girl says "I'm just going to be blunt. It doesn't look like you. You're not that pretty." Everyone nods. FML

#132596
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60105) - you deserved it (5011)

On 02/25/2009 at 12:07pm - misc - by mylifeeee - United States (Virginia)

Today, I farted in my cubicle thinking no one would smell it. Two seconds later, everyone came to my cubicle to wish me a happy birthday. FML

#132176
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20937) - you deserved it (37567)

On 02/25/2009 at 10:31am - misc - by riappp (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, it was really cold and windy and I started my car before work. I locked the front door of my house and shut it behind me to leave. The wind was blowing and all my hair got shut in my locked front door... with my keys in my car's ignition. FML

Today, I forgot my work clothes at home so my boss gave me a jacket with a name patch that said "Mike". Still wearing my work clothes I ran into my ex-girlfriend on my way home. We were together for five years until she dumped me for a guy name Mike. FML

#131140
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39593) - you deserved it (3870)

On 02/25/2009 at 2:42am - love - by laf@me (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, a customer that I've been waiting on for years came into the restaurant after a long absence. I said to him, "Hey man, it looks like you lost a lot of weight! How'd you do it?" He replied, "I got cancer." FML

#131042
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53266) - you deserved it (9052)

On 02/25/2009 at 2:25am - work - by yawho (woman) - Japan (Tokyo)

Today, I was walking to a meeting and saw two girls trying to jump start a car in the rain. Thinking I'd be a gentleman and help them, I offered to assist. The girl whose car is broken down looks at me, looks at her friend, and says, "I think we'd better call the police." FML

#130566
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37917) - you deserved it (2727)

On 02/25/2009 at 1:19am - misc - by Godfree (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom decided to give me relationship advice. She told me the key to a happy/successful relationship was "letting your man explore ALL your orifices." FML

#130109
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42933) - you deserved it (3577)

On 02/25/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend owns and wears more thongs than I do. FML

#129411
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52510) - you deserved it (5879)

On 02/24/2009 at 11:33pm - misc - by asdfghjkl_12 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up to find that my dog was missing. I spent about an hour searching for him when my psycho ex-girlfriend texted me his photo. She'd kidnapped him. After driving over there, she shot paintballs at my car. Now I have no dog and a colorful car. FML

#128340
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (95696) - you deserved it (6703)

On 02/24/2009 at 10:21pm - animals - by sammatthews2007 (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my parents gave me a shirt from Banana Republic for my birthday. It looked like one I had bought for myself a couple of days earlier but I thanked them and went to hang it in my closet. An empty hanger hung where I placed the shirt I had purchased. They gave me my shirt for my birthday. FML

#127425
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (105562) - you deserved it (4788)

On 02/24/2009 at 9:20pm - misc - by Rich (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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