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Today, I was over at a friend's place until very late. He had stolen my keys as a joke at some point, but by the time I noticed, he was too drunk to remember where he'd hidden them. FML

#160581
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38252) - you deserved it (8136)

On 02/28/2009 at 12:33pm - misc - by doneanddone (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my teacher confiscated my cell phone for text messaging. He said he would give it back if the next text that I would receive was important. I prayed the guy I've been texting didn't send the dick pic he said he was going to. He did. FML

#160435
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27687) - you deserved it (95827)

On 02/28/2009 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by textfail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend my self and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house but I left my radio turned on. FML

#159713
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17625) - you deserved it (43014)

On 02/28/2009 at 8:08am - misc - by Slipperywhenwet (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

#159600
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1158641) - you deserved it (115982)

On 02/28/2009 at 6:10am - love - by thatsucks (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

leesh08's comment : =[ that's so horrible!!

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Today, I babysat a five year old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML

#159589
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17300) - you deserved it (83527)

On 02/28/2009 at 5:59am - kids - by tryena (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I was introduced to my boyfriend's family at their family reunion for the first time. As I sat on the couch, his 4-year old sister comes in and jumps onto my lap. For a moment I was happy to think his sister liked me, only to hear her say "You're fat! I like fat things." FML

#159579
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51094) - you deserved it (5169)

On 02/28/2009 at 5:52am - misc - by Judiee (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at church and saw a blind teenager who obviously felt lost. Feeling like I should help I went over and asked if he needed anything. He said, "I can't find my caretaker." I asked, "What does she look like?" FML

#159157
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15111) - you deserved it (59579)

On 02/28/2009 at 2:59am - misc - by wideman (man) - United States (California)

Today, me and my girlfriend got into a fight. After giving my genius response to one of her asinine comments, I stormed out of the store, having the last word. Ten minutes later she comes out to find me in the parking lot. My car wouldn't start. She texts me "Karma's a bitch" then drives away. FML

#159138
46 comments

Today, my mother decided she wanted the family to go on a special outing for the holidays. She asked me to drive everyone when she got home from work. Later I noticed the house was empty. The whole family, including the dog, left without telling me. They took my car. FML

Today, I slept over at a friend's house. We decided to dress up as ninjas and play a trick on her younger brothers, sleeping in the basement. While sneaking down the stairs, in the dark, her mother came home. Thinking I was a robber, she beat me with a lamp. FML

#158758
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20495) - you deserved it (37599)

On 02/28/2009 at 1:40am - misc - by RosaP (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up to a tap on my shoulder and had no idea where I was. I quickly discovered It was 11 am and I was still at the bar I had been drinking at the night before. My shoes were gone. FML

#158750
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9342) - you deserved it (52809)

On 02/28/2009 at 1:39am - misc - by mylifeisamovie - United States (New York)

Today, while at work at my grocery store I sold a TON of eggs to a bunch of kids. We joked around that they were "going to bake a giant cake." When I got home I found out someone had egged my house. FML

#158702
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47034) - you deserved it (8383)

On 02/28/2009 at 1:30am - work - by eggs (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I sent my mom an email with "Bad news" for the subject. At the end of her reply, she said, "And don't scare me! I thought you were going to tell me you're pregnant!" I AM pregnant, and wanted to surprise her on her birthday. Guess I should get her something less disappointing. FML

#158418
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49796) - you deserved it (4410)

On 02/28/2009 at 12:54am - kids - by EmmaG123 (woman) - United States (Kansas)



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