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Man or woman?

Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML

#2357
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14128) - you deserved it (40529)

On 01/23/2009 at 2:50pm - intimacy - by killmyself - United States (California)

Today, the first guy I've ever loved is going to a fancy rush party with my best friend. He did tell me he needed space to think about us this whole weekend. I guess I know what he's been thinking. FML

#2350
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16376) - you deserved it (1540)

On 01/23/2009 at 2:13pm - love - by sleepy125 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found out that after drunkenly falling asleep at a guy's house, I not only slept-walked in his house, but I went upstairs into his parents room. And used their bathroom. I don't remember any of this, but his mom does. FML

#2349
9 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24821) - you deserved it (7975)

On 01/23/2009 at 1:51pm - intimacy - by Sleep Walking - United States (New Jersey)

Today, at lunch, I told a bunch of people how I had been in love with this guy since freshman year. I made a bunch of jokes about how I was going to marry him and our kids would be so attractive. He was at the table next to mine and looked back at me as soon as I finished. FML

#2341
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14948) - you deserved it (14345)

On 01/23/2009 at 12:31pm - love - by Noname - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was doing a striptease for this guy over my webcam. I was shaking my ass while taking off my panties, but when they fell to my feet, I tripped over them and fell on my ass. FML

#2336
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8310) - you deserved it (49003)

On 01/23/2009 at 11:52am - intimacy - by sadgirl - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML

#2324
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25563) - you deserved it (3726)

On 01/23/2009 at 10:41am - misc - by Nik - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to walk home from school in the rain, because my mom "didn't have a car to pick me up in". But when I got home, the car had magically appeared. Just great. FML

#2319
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17729) - you deserved it (1862)

On 01/23/2009 at 10:18am - misc - by blahmina - United States (California)

Today, I invited this guy I fooled around with over to "hang out". He's "en route", so I start to make my bed only to find my cat thought this was the best time to tell me she's sick by throwing up in my bed. I only have one set of linen. FML

#2316
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16017) - you deserved it (5830)

On 01/23/2009 at 10:12am - love - by LC - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I finally went on a date with the girl I'm in love with. After dinner we went to the bar for drinks and things were going great. Right up until she went home with another guy. FML

#2303
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22439) - you deserved it (1866)

On 01/23/2009 at 8:31am - love - by Jebus - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to my ex. This afternoon I notice that they had accepted, and had left a message for me in my inbox. Asking how they knew me. FML

#2298
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21718) - you deserved it (3141)

On 01/23/2009 at 7:33am - love - by josh - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went back to my flat after a night on the town and staying at my girlfriend's. My flat was flooded. I had been sick in the sink and left the tap on all night. FML

#2294
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5134) - you deserved it (18975)

On 01/23/2009 at 7:08am - misc - by Moe - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, my boyfriend told me that my feet smell. He was in the next room at the time. FML

#2293
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15436) - you deserved it (6775)

On 01/23/2009 at 7:04am - love - by sadass - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went to the movies with a friend and her grandma. Her grandma was using toothpicks and dropping them on the ground next to our popcorn bucket. I took a big handful of popcorn, and was fortunate enough to get a piece of her toothpick lodged in my throat. FML

#2289
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19708) - you deserved it (1924)

On 01/23/2009 at 6:36am - misc - by Spanky - United States (Michigan)



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