Today, I walked to my car to find a window smashed in. Lucky for me, nothing was stolen. It did, however, rain all morning. FML

by russty / 01/17/2010 at 12:45pm / United States (Ohio) / Transportation

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend, who I've dated for 6 years, is getting engaged to my friend. The very same "friend" who's been encouraging me to break up with her for the past year. FML

by anonymous / 01/17/2010 at 11:22am / Austria (Steiermark) / Love

Today, my uncle died. It was also my grandpa's 85th birthday. His reaction to the death? "Best birthday gift ever!" FML

by poppet2010 / 01/17/2010 at 10:58am / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother woke me up at 4:30 A.M. to tell me our dog was running down the street. I ran for an hour, chasing after her. Turns out it was our new neighbor's dog. Ours was in our basement. FML

by Anonymous / 01/17/2010 at 10:18am / United States (Ohio) / Animals

Today, my father asked me to never contact him again. The reason? His "new" family doesn't know I exist and explaining that he has a 28 year old daughter to his wife and his other children would be "awkward". I have siblings that I will never meet. FML

by forgottendaughter / 01/17/2010 at 9:41am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend decided it was funny to burp in my face. The burp was actually vomit. We were in the food court at the mall. FML

by Anonymous / 01/17/2010 at 8:44am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up with a pillow under my t-shirt. Turns out my boyfriend wanted to 'see if I would look hot even when pregnant'. We've been dating for three weeks now. FML

by notpregnant / 01/17/2010 at 7:20am / Italy (Lombardia) / Love

Today, my grandma told me to fuck off when I tried to help her with the dishes. FML

by volleyballgirl12 / 01/17/2010 at 1:31am / Love

Today, as I showered, I sneezed, hit my face on the wall, got shampoo in my eyes, slipped on a bar of soap, bashed my head on the wall as I fell, grabbed at the walls to stop me from falling and happened to turn off the cold water, scorching me. FML

by Concussed / 01/17/2010 at 1:22am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, was my first day at my new job, which requires you to wear a special shirt. Come to find out, they only have medium sized shirts. I am an XL. They demanded I wear the shirt anyway. FML

by mikey09 / 01/17/2010 at 12:37am / United States (Utah) / Work

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on-line. While cuddling on the couch, he asked me for a blow job. I refused. He said, "But I thought big girls liked doing that." FML

by writer4life / 01/17/2010 at 12:30am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I learned that when you put duct tape over your mouth because you are bored, it really hurts taking it off. FML

by ow / 01/17/2010 at 12:25am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on my way to meet the girl I like at the beach. I parked my truck and walked to the restaurant where I was supposed to meet her. She wasn't there so I called her and she told me she cancelled because it started raining. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. FML

by Weathersucks / 01/17/2010 at 12:13am / France / Love