Today, I was shopping at the grocery market and was next in line. Behind me was a woman who only had two items, so I nicely let her in front of me, as it looked like she was in a hurry. When she was all rung up, she decided to pay her $16.45 in loose change which needed to be counted out. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2009 at 8:49am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money

Today, it's decided, I'm going on diet. For real. But I said that yesterday. And the day before. FML

by Numnum / 11/29/2009 at 8:02am / United Kingdom (Greater London) / Health

Today, me and my girlfriend went and saw "The Blind Side." I sobbed throughout the entire movie. My girlfriend didn't shed a tear. FML

by jimmyt420 / 11/29/2009 at 4:33am / United States (California) / Love

Today, when I had a go at my husband for spending way too much time in front of the TV, he pointed the remote control at me while miming turning down the volume in order to make me shut up. FML

by Nomoresandwish / 11/29/2009 at 3:55am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was in confession, I was saying my sins and the priest called me a "pain in the ass." FML

by ? / 11/29/2009 at 2:59am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I locked my keys in the car while the car was running because I got out to get the parking ticket attached to my windshield. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2009 at 2:25am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, my grandson asked how old I am and whether I'd seen Mammoths "for real" when I was a kid. FML

by Granmacathy / 11/29/2009 at 2:13am / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, my dad and I were watching Hawaii play the Navy in football. I cheered when Hawaii won. My dad turns to me and says, "You know your mother and I concieved you there?" Thanks Dad. FML

by hawaiianlovechild / 11/29/2009 at 2:09am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I made out with a guy that I had just met at a party. It was my first kiss. I don't know what's worse, the fact that my first kiss is at the age of 23, or the fact that I saw him making out with a different girl later on in the night. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2009 at 1:33am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend accidentally left her facebook logged onto my computer after she left my house. I looked on her facebook and found a very long message between her and my other friends talking about how much they hate me. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2009 at 1:31am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend was kind enough to give me prescription strength deodorant. FML

by random123 / 11/29/2009 at 12:16am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, while at a hotel for vacation with my brother and his wife, I was watching their two-month old daughter in the waterpark when a woman came up to me and said, "Aww your kid is so adorable! Don't worry, you'll get your figure back in no time." I'm a fourteen year old girl. FML

by Shannon / 11/28/2009 at 9:14pm / United States (Louisiana) / Holidays

Today, I learned it is best not to let your cordless mouse die while secretly watching porn right when your mom walks in. FML

by nickyy / 11/28/2009 at 9:11pm / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy