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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I forgot my work clothes at home so my boss gave me a jacket with a name patch that said "Mike". Still wearing my work clothes I ran into my ex-girlfriend on my way home. We were together for five years until she dumped me for a guy name Mike. FML

#131140
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38846) - you deserved it (3797)

On 02/25/2009 at 2:42am - love - by laf@me (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, a customer that I've been waiting on for years came into the restaurant after a long absence. I said to him, "Hey man, it looks like you lost a lot of weight! How'd you do it?" He replied, "I got cancer." FML

#131042
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53254) - you deserved it (9052)

On 02/25/2009 at 2:25am - work - by yawho (woman) - Japan (Tokyo)

Today, I was walking to a meeting and saw two girls trying to jump start a car in the rain. Thinking I'd be a gentleman and help them, I offered to assist. The girl whose car is broken down looks at me, looks at her friend, and says, "I think we'd better call the police." FML

#130566
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37913) - you deserved it (2727)

On 02/25/2009 at 1:19am - misc - by Godfree (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom decided to give me relationship advice. She told me the key to a happy/successful relationship was "letting your man explore ALL your orifices." FML

#130109
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42926) - you deserved it (3574)

On 02/25/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend owns and wears more thongs than I do. FML

#129411
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52498) - you deserved it (5878)

On 02/24/2009 at 11:33pm - misc - by asdfghjkl_12 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up to find that my dog was missing. I spent about an hour searching for him when my psycho ex-girlfriend texted me his photo. She'd kidnapped him. After driving over there, she shot paintballs at my car. Now I have no dog and a colorful car. FML

#128340
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (95684) - you deserved it (6702)

On 02/24/2009 at 10:21pm - animals - by sammatthews2007 (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my parents gave me a shirt from Banana Republic for my birthday. It looked like one I had bought for myself a couple of days earlier but I thanked them and went to hang it in my closet. An empty hanger hung where I placed the shirt I had purchased. They gave me my shirt for my birthday. FML

#127425
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (105547) - you deserved it (4785)

On 02/24/2009 at 9:20pm - misc - by Rich (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I sent out a note to 300 friends saying that I'm having a birthday party in a couple weeks. I asked to please write back if they are interested in going . . . two people answered...They said they can't make it. FML

#126838
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45884) - you deserved it (4130)

On 02/24/2009 at 8:34pm - misc - by mylifeisfcked (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML

#126669
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (122315) - you deserved it (22192)

On 02/24/2009 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Stupoopy's comment : You should go to your mom in two weeks and be like "MOM I THINK THE CONDOMS I HAD DIDN'T WORK! NOW IM PREGNANT!" and then we'll see who's laughing.

See all the comments →

Today, my hard drive on my computer crashed with all of my files on it. I took it to my Dad, who is a computer analyst, to see if he could recover anything. The only thing that he could salvage was my illustrious collection of porn. FML

#125777
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19349) - you deserved it (60864)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:57pm - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML

#125499
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82209) - you deserved it (20440)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:32pm - intimacy - by Menareidiots (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, everyone at school was talking about some guy that did another girl while he was going out with someone. I started to spread the rumor myself, until someone told me that that guy was my boyfriend. The other girl was my best friend. FML

#125458
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50817) - you deserved it (24084)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:28pm - misc - by LockandKey - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to the gym and worked out with a trainer. While doing arm exercises he commented on how impressed he was with the size of my triceps. That really boosted my self-confidence, until he leaned in to feel them and said, "Oh, it's just fat." FML

#125305
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40479) - you deserved it (6115)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:14pm - health - by Sheezey (woman) - United States (California)



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