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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML

#653658
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (90556) - you deserved it (8939)

On 03/27/2009 at 11:16pm - intimacy - by VampiresSayRawr (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I finally decided to tell him I love him. He told me that he loved me too... like a sister! The love of my life has been sleeping with his "sister" for three months. FML

#653617
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65367) - you deserved it (4988)

On 03/27/2009 at 11:15pm - love - by Samsonites (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my mother was vaccuming the stairs. Trying to be polite, I climbed over the banister to the floor above, so I wouldn't interrupt her. She looked at me odd and said, "I'm surprised that held your weight." The banister is maple and steel. FML

#653813
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48732) - you deserved it (4965)

On 03/27/2009 at 11:15pm - misc - by Anonymity (man) - Canada

Today, I decided to ask my girlfriend of 3 years to marry me. I made brownies with walnuts and put an engagement ring into the brownie I gave her. Not only did she choke on the ring, but on the way to the emergency room, I find out she is highly allergic to walnuts. FML

#651066
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31087) - you deserved it (77048)

On 03/27/2009 at 9:10pm - love - by Jim (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was talking to my guy friend about prom. I told him I was turned down by 7 guys. So he said "Well, you could always ask me." I then said "Do you want to go to prom with me?" His response was "Nope...now that's 8!" FML

#650429
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (140040) - you deserved it (25958)

On 03/27/2009 at 8:38pm - love - by rejected (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, me and my friend decided to spy on my crush. He lives across the street, so we climbed on the roof of my house and watched him with binoculars. He was working out, and after 5 minutes he started writing something. He put a piece of paper against the window and it said, 'Stop watching me.' FML

#650213
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14943) - you deserved it (134916)

On 03/27/2009 at 8:24pm - misc - by Creep (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I called my mom to tell her: "Mom, I finally got my period!" There was an awkward pause. She was at work. I was on speakerphone. FML

#644673
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59966) - you deserved it (23029)

On 03/27/2009 at 3:15pm - health - by Crampon (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, our entire crew team was at a yoga studio for an introductory yoga lesson. All my teammates could talk about how hot the yoga instructor was in her tight spandex while doing the sexy yoga poses. Everyone, including the coach, wanted to do her. The yoga instructor is my mom. FML

#644152
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75618) - you deserved it (4272)

On 03/27/2009 at 2:43pm - misc - by unitywoods (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was packing my son's lunch and we ran out of water bottles. I asked my 16 years old to run to the store. She didnt want to but gave me one she had. After dropping my son off, my daughter frantically told me she made a mistake. I sent my second grader to school with a bottle of vodka. FML

#644123
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82601) - you deserved it (16354)

On 03/27/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by badmom (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was going to a stoplight party. Green shirt=single, yellow=hard to get and red=taken. I show up wearing a red shirt and I see my boyfriend in a green shirt. Thinking it was a mistake, I ask him jokingly why he isn't wearing red. He looks at me weird and says, "Oh, you didn't get my text?" FML

#642666
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101921) - you deserved it (5232)

On 03/27/2009 at 12:47pm - misc - by 1234567898765432 - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had to log in to my computer on a projector in front of business associates at my dad's architecture firm. I typed in my username and apparently didn't hit the tab key hard enough, so I typed my password in the username box. The entire firm now knows my password is "tits123". FML

#642642
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15183) - you deserved it (70679)

On 03/27/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, whilst my parents and I were out, my older brother thought it would be funny to play porn on my computer. At full volume. With my window wide open. Now my next-door neighbors tell their kids I'm a spawn of Satan, and the weird guy from across the street winks at me. FML

#641571
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52954) - you deserved it (6887)

On 03/27/2009 at 11:18am - misc - by Spawn_of_Satan (woman) - Hong Kong

Today, I was fired from a managerial position I've held for two years due to "inappropriate relations with a subordinate": I was dating a coworker. My girlfriend then broke up with me four hours later. Because I no longer had a job. I hired her. FML

#641288
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55466) - you deserved it (11719)

On 03/27/2009 at 10:47am - work - by mjohnston (man) - United States (Texas)



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