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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I tried to befriend the lonely boy who sits at the end of my table at lunch. He always sleeps or does homework during lunch. I walked over to him, tripped, and spilled my open bottle of water on his jeans. I apologized profusely and wiped off his pants with napkins. He got hard. FML

#4106
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28991) - you deserved it (9783)

On 01/31/2009 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by brighteyes - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a boy I'm not even dating took it upon himself to tell me that we would never work out. Via text message. FML

#4103
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23414) - you deserved it (1975)

On 01/31/2009 at 11:52am - love - by wowza - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and while trying to make a dramatic exit, I slammed his car door, slipped on the ice and landed on my back in front of a large crowd of onlookers. FML

#4066
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19406) - you deserved it (7208)

On 01/31/2009 at 10:30am - love - by kill me - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML

#4051
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17792) - you deserved it (59585)

On 01/31/2009 at 10:04am - intimacy - by DDD - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had dinner on my own. My cat came and sat on the chair on the other side of the table. We stared at each other during the whole meal. Pathetic. FML

#4050
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29629) - you deserved it (4232)

On 01/31/2009 at 10:03am - animals - by JulleandCici - Sent from mobile version

Today, I woke up with the worst hangover of my life. My best friend comes over and informs me that I had sex with my girlfriend's two best friends last night. Awesome! Then I realized her best friends are guys. FML

#4044
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9254) - you deserved it (43898)

On 01/31/2009 at 9:43am - intimacy - by Ah hell - United States (Ohio)

bookdownthetrou's comment : If you think it would have be awesome to not only cheat on your girlfriend, but with two of her friends... I hope your ass hurt badly the next time you took a dump.

See all the comments →

Today, I have been reading FML for 12 hours. FML

#4028
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37468) - you deserved it (13757)

On 01/31/2009 at 8:51am - misc - by ayw329 - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend caught me picking my nose and eating the booger. FML

#3992
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5933) - you deserved it (77214)

On 01/31/2009 at 6:48am - love - by jeesh - United States (New York)

Today, I was offered a job. It only took me a year and 17 interviews to get an offer, and I have a PhD. FML

#3922
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26189) - you deserved it (2756)

On 01/31/2009 at 12:37am - work - by RogerReady - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I found my drunken roommate asleep in my bed, naked, after he'd peed himself. FML

#3934
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23337) - you deserved it (1428)

On 01/30/2009 at 11:40pm - misc - by shit - United States (New York)

Today, I put on my favorite booty shorts and walked outside to smoke a cigarette. My dog had chewed a hole in the middle of my shorts, and I was standing on a balcony that's located on the busiest street in town. FML

#3930
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6524) - you deserved it (24856)

On 01/30/2009 at 11:08pm - animals - by ThatsNotRight - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I called him around two minutes after that, and he had already fallen asleep. FML

#3910
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7157) - you deserved it (28201)

On 01/30/2009 at 8:57pm - love - by grreeatttt - United States (California)

Today, my old man told me that he only married my mom because she convinced him she was pregnant with his child. In fact, she aborted a week later. "And then we had you instead." FML

#3898
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25522) - you deserved it (1427)

On 01/30/2009 at 8:34pm - misc - by crakbbyaparently - United States (California)



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