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Man or woman?

Today, I told my college friend that I considered her to be my best friend. She responded, "I don't think you should call me that." FML

#84987
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34590) - you deserved it (3517)

On 02/20/2009 at 12:25am - misc - by Oh dear... (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, they were handing out free razors in the mall. I went up to get my free sample, but the woman just smiled and said, "Sorry honey, they're sharp, and not for children." I'm 25. FML

#84898
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41098) - you deserved it (2342)

On 02/20/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)

Today, I was doing a strip tease for my husband. He asked me to stop. FML

#84789
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84503) - you deserved it (17639)

On 02/20/2009 at 12:06am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was watching a documentary on The World's Fattest Man. Half way through the show the reported started talking about his girlfriend. The Fattest Man in the world has a girlfriend. I'm 21 an have never had a girlfriend. FML

#82135
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51186) - you deserved it (8166)

On 02/19/2009 at 8:39pm - love - by Skido (man) - United States (California)

Today, in class my friend played a joke on me by pulling my seat from under me while i was about to sit. I fell and everybody laughed at me. During the next class, I did the same thing to him. He broke his arm. He was the star of the basketball team. Nobody laughed. FML

#81236
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44092) - you deserved it (22622)

On 02/19/2009 at 7:17pm - health - by Noname (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I walked home from work when a woman asked me to come inside for a free meal. It was at a homeless shelter. FML

#80868
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34297) - you deserved it (4625)

On 02/19/2009 at 6:42pm - misc - by Kev (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at the library studying. There was a really cute guy across the room. I decided to play it cool and walk his way and grab some water. Right as I walked by, my body decided to let out the loudest fart. He laughed. I kept walking and asked my friend to grab my books. FML

#80589
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28283) - you deserved it (12579)

On 02/19/2009 at 6:17pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML

#79769
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57848) - you deserved it (3015)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:52pm - love - by killmenow (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went bowling with my mom and she paid for 2 games. By the 6th frame of game 1 she was bored and to get her money back for both games she told the employees I shit my pants. I'm 17. FML

#79689
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52774) - you deserved it (3278)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:47pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML

#79669
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49072) - you deserved it (4874)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:44pm - intimacy - by dpl (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I took a massive dump at work and clogged the industrial toilet. Since I used the unisex one at the end of the hall, I watched my super hot coworker walk in after me. And then she ran out immediately. Everyone had seen me walk out before her. FML

#79663
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16024) - you deserved it (31773)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:44pm - work - by wow (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was sleeping when my roommate walked in and asked me: "So...when are you leaving?" She had decided to throw a party in our apartment. I wasn't invited. FML

#79632
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38236) - you deserved it (2164)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:41pm - misc - by sen (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my professor, who was born without arms, asked somebody "need a hand?" There are over 300 students in that class and I was the only one laughing. FML



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