Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Today, my girlfriend asked me to get her new clothes. She's gone from a size 4 to a size 12 during our relationship. FML

#5939
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30348) - you deserved it (11087)

On 02/03/2009 at 5:47am - love - by damnit (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had just opened up some porn on my laptop when my mom walked into my room, so I slammed the laptop shut. I didn't know the speakers continue to function after the laptop is closed. FML

#5925
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15464) - you deserved it (44593)

On 02/03/2009 at 5:24am - intimacy - by hitmutefirst (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out my girlfriend's password for okcupid is "i_love_mike". My name is not Mike. FML

#5894
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27846) - you deserved it (2713)

On 02/03/2009 at 3:49am - love - by 751920 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boss caught me playing games on the computer for 4 hours. My boss told me to feel free and continue, but to pack my stuff up and leave when I was done. FML

#5890
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5230) - you deserved it (57570)

On 02/03/2009 at 3:46am - work - by poisonhand (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend out of the blue told me I wasn't fat, that my stomach was flat and it was only my butt that was big. I thought that this was a compliment. His response? "Not at all". FML

#5886
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23896) - you deserved it (2394)

On 02/03/2009 at 3:32am - love - by Noname - United States (Illinois)

Today, I received an email invitation to a dating web site. It was from my father-in-law. FML

#5881
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39206) - you deserved it (2710)

On 02/03/2009 at 2:54am - intimacy - by Mavis (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mother called to say that my 11 year old nephew found my secret stash of nipple tassles, furry hand cuffs, and a bottle of lube. He doesn't want to visit me anymore. FML

#5874
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9797) - you deserved it (26705)

On 02/03/2009 at 1:51am - kids - by peneloperigby (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, I released a noxious, unforgiving fart in my cubicle not thinking anything of it. You know, one of those sulfurous clouds you get the morning after a few good beers. Moments later, my manager walks in to talk about work. It's 7:30 in the morning, no one else is around. FML

#5873
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7977) - you deserved it (19973)

On 02/03/2009 at 1:42am - work - by BillLumberg (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was tranny-night. FML

#5857
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8738) - you deserved it (44660)

On 02/02/2009 at 11:42pm - money - by bluntedone (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I stuffed my buttcrack with toilet paper right before my job interview because I tend to sweat there a lot and was wearing a white skirt. I went to the bathroom afterward to take it out but it wasn't there anymore. It could have only gone up two places. FML

#5836
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18374) - you deserved it (12995)

On 02/02/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by wtf - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I sent a guy that I like a lot a picture of myself, I got all dressed up sexy and did my make-up. He sent me a reply saying "your cat is fat". FML

#5809
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23721) - you deserved it (5862)

On 02/02/2009 at 9:36pm - love - by Noname - United States (California)

Today, I woke from last night after meeting the most amazing man, and after giving him a good morning kiss, roll out of bed to use his bathroom. After using his toothbrush, I go to replace it in his holder only to find not one, but several prescriptions for herpes in his unzipped toiletry bag. FML

#5784
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18073) - you deserved it (38112)

On 02/02/2009 at 8:42pm - love - by screwed. - United States (District of Columbia)

Haelous's comment : Use condoms. Don't use other peoples toothbrushes. Get some common sense.

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Today, I am going to an event where I will be meeting quite a few people who will be excellent contacts in my future career. Since I wanted to make a good impression, I did the whole makeup and grooming thing before setting out, I accidentally removed about half my left eyebrow. FML

#5776
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18507) - you deserved it (7024)

On 02/02/2009 at 8:10pm - work - by wiseoldone - United States (New York)



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