Today, I returned home to my girlfriend after being away for 6 weeks of work. I decided to take a shower and change before having a nice dinner with her. Without looking I grabbed a random pair of jeans from my closet to put on. They were Levis. I don't own or wear any Levis. FML

by safariboo / 02/09/2010 at 10:43am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I watched my boyfriend pick all the dead skin off of his feet. And then fling it at me. FML

by caitplaysguitar / 02/09/2010 at 9:56am / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, my mum was saying she needs to gain weight because she was underweight according to her doctor. She then said she's going to eat like me in order to gain more weight. FML

by mynameislor / 02/09/2010 at 9:26am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I have the flu, food poisoning and I'm on my period. I have enough liquids pouring out of me from various holes to satisfy a sewer. FML

by SickSmick / 02/09/2010 at 7:22am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Health

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months told me he was not going to celebrate Valentine's day because it was a "capitalistic consumerism holiday". He works in a bank and helps "capitalism consumerism" 364 days a year. FML

by Brokenheartz / 02/09/2010 at 4:49am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Miscellaneous

Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML

by matchristityler / 02/09/2010 at 3:19am / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend confessed to me that the only reason he's with me is because I'm a good tattoo artist and he's too broke to pay for his own tattoos. We've been together for two years. FML

by estephi / 02/09/2010 at 3:14am / Love

Today, I discovered my brother likes to use our kitchen utensils to scratch his private areas. FML

by utensils123 / 02/09/2010 at 1:40am / Australia (Queensland) / Health

Today, my boyfriend told my hamster he loved her. Repeatedly. In 'cute' baby voices. He has yet to tell me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/09/2010 at 1:12am / United States (Alabama) / Love

Today, in art class, I tried to attract my crush's attention by slowly sitting down in front of him. Too bad I missed the chair and fell onto the floor. FML

by Unknown / 02/09/2010 at 12:50am / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I was at one of the urinals in a bathroom. A chubby kid goes to the urinal next to mine and starts peeing violently. Apparently, he was peeing so violently that it splashed onto my legs the whole time. I've picked the wrong day to wear shorts. FML

by wurtabang / 02/09/2010 at 12:27am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I lost my virginity. It took all of 30 seconds. FML

by unsatisfied / 02/08/2010 at 10:33pm / Intimacy

Today, I got called out of class to talk to some cops. Turns out my car was involved in a hit and run accident, while I was in school and there was no possible way it could have been me. But since they have no one else, it's my fault. FML

by sweeeeet / 02/08/2010 at 10:29pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous