Today, my sister won a bet. She bet my best friend a burrito that I wouldn't lose my virginity within a year. I am twenty and have to drive my friend to Del Taco so he can buy my sister her victory burrito cause I didn't get laid. FML

by Jaayoung23 / 01/14/2010 at 10:47am / Intimacy

Today, my four-year-old daughter thought it'd be funny to cut my hair while I was sleeping. FML

by hair2daygone4ever / 01/14/2010 at 10:45am / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I snuck out of work 2 hours early. As I was speeding away so I wouldn't be seen, I rear-ended my boss as he was leaving the lower parking lot for a late lunch. FML

by Ilovelife07 / 01/14/2010 at 10:14am / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation

Today, I saw my dad help himself to a sex stamina drink. He and mom share the hotel bed next to mine. FML

by windskurfer / 01/14/2010 at 9:54am / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend asked me "is it in yet?" FML

by anun / 01/14/2010 at 9:06am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Ilovelife07's comment : shoulda taken it out, and put it in her butt and said "feel it now??"

See all the comments

Today, I received an email saying that the present I ordered for my girlfriend's birthday will be a week late, which makes it a week late for her birthday. I sat down and said we needed to talk, she burst into tears and apologised for 'sleeping with him,' I just wanted to tell her it would be late. FML

by in_side_out / 01/14/2010 at 6:26am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to try and break a watermelon on my head while I was asleep on the couch. FML

by melonhead / 01/14/2010 at 3:46am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at a bar a woman of about 40 came up to me and asked me to dance, and being only 20 I thought I had met the perfect "cougar" for a one night stand. After a few up-beat dances, a slower song came on and we continued to dance. She started sobbing and claimed I was the son she never had. FML

by indiansbaseball4 / 01/14/2010 at 3:27am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I added some of my own money to the tip jar in the Subway I work at to make myself look less pathetic. FML

by OverweightTeen / 01/14/2010 at 1:59am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Work

Today, after 8 years, I confessed one of my best friends I've been in love with him since we were kiddies. His answer was "Don't worry, I won't stop talking to you." FML

by handlin / 01/14/2010 at 1:45am / Mexico (Nuevo Leon) / Love

Today, my boyfriend went to jail for a DUI. In a panic, I rushed to go bail him out. On the way to the jail I was stopped for running a red light. I soon joined my boyfriend in jail with my very own DUI charge. FML

by mackenzie_cain / 01/14/2010 at 12:33am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on the computer in the library on campus. I was facebook stalking this really cute girl that I often see on campus. As I'm looking at her profile pictures, I turn around and the girl is standing right behind me. She gave me a disgusted look and walked off. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2010 at 12:10am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML

by meow / 01/13/2010 at 11:27pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love