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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I received a box in the mail from my mom which I assumed was a care package. It was a scale to encourage me to lose weight. FML

#55512
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31294) - you deserved it (5367)

On 02/16/2009 at 7:26pm - health - by Loot (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML

#55493
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9269) - you deserved it (61103)

On 02/16/2009 at 7:24pm - misc - by lunarboy (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was complaining to my mom about how my sister looked like a barbie doll next to me. I was saying how she was so tan and her hair looked awesome next to mine. She paused for a while and then said "Well you're pretty on the inside." FML

#55287
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31546) - you deserved it (7815)

On 02/16/2009 at 6:57pm - misc - by Dasani (woman) - United States (California)

Today, in the middle of dinner, I went to rest my chin on my hand, missed, and stuck the straw from my drink straight up my nose. FML

#55148
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37380) - you deserved it (6884)

On 02/16/2009 at 6:36pm - love - by EK (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had to call my mom and tell her about the insurance claim that is going to be coming through in the next couple of weeks. I spent the night in the hospital. I'm allergic to lube. FML

#55146
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50088) - you deserved it (6990)

On 02/16/2009 at 6:36pm - intimacy - by manda (woman) - United States (Wyoming)

Today, I finally gave the guy I was with for over a year a blowjob. Right after he tells me "I don't want a girlfriend but I want you to be my best friend." FML

#55027
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55096) - you deserved it (9119)

On 02/16/2009 at 6:20pm - intimacy - by LALALA3 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend of four months broke up with me via text message. He spelled my name wrong. FML

#54894
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45209) - you deserved it (3486)

On 02/16/2009 at 6:01pm - love - by tacky_unrefined (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "no that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML

#54872
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42086) - you deserved it (4396)

On 02/16/2009 at 5:59pm - intimacy - by IBleedArbor - United States (Connecticut)

Today, is my brothers 16th birthday. He got keys to the Lexus. I'm 18, have no car, and got pajama pants and chapstick for my birthday. FML

#54782
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66400) - you deserved it (3538)

On 02/16/2009 at 5:42pm - misc - by Elmo - United States (Illinois)

Today, I accidentally deleted my entire email inbox. Everything from the last 3 years. EV-ER-Y-THING. FML

#54626
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14238) - you deserved it (51064)

On 02/16/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by loserman - United States (California)

Today, I was watching TV when the Jim Beam commercial came on with the hot girl saying how she likes her men fat and hairy. My mom walked in and said, "See honey, you still have a chance." FML

#54355
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36609) - you deserved it (4316)

On 02/16/2009 at 4:45pm - misc - by LonelyInLA (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the airport, about to listen to Disney's Camp Rock soundtrack on my iPhone. I pressed play, only to realize that my headphones weren't plugged in all the way. Everone sitting near me heard Joe Jonas' voice coming from my phone. I am 40 years old. FML

#54346
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11088) - you deserved it (61878)

On 02/16/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by Italian_Stallion (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was hooking up with a girl in my apartment when I told her I didn't have a condom. She started laughing and upon realizing my look of confusion, said "Oh, you actually thought I was going to have sex with you?" FML

#54081
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53939) - you deserved it (16157)

On 02/16/2009 at 4:09pm - intimacy - by pineapple456 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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