Today, my sister-in-law asked why I wasn't out partying with my friends to celebrate the new year. My mom then asked "What friends?". Ah, the new year begins. FML

by nobffs / 01/01/2010 at 1:10am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized the odd smell I've been trying to get out of the house is coming from me. FML

by _akwardsituation / 01/01/2010 at 1:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML

by welted / 01/01/2010 at 12:21am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was with my boyfriend of two months, hoping this would be our night of the first kiss. I was so excited when the ball started to drop. When it hit "0", I turned to him, hoping for a kiss, and saw him making out with another girl. He didn't even turn around. FML

by ItSucks / 01/01/2010 at 12:12am / United States (Ohio) / Love

KJRx's comment : Your boyfriend of two months and you were waiting for a first kiss? Haha.

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Today, my dad came home from work early only to walk in on me and the boy I'm not supposed to be seeing having sex. Did I mention doggie style? FML

by meeranda / 01/01/2010 at 12:07am / Intimacy

perdix's comment : Plus, your dad is a cat person, right? What's the big deal about doggie-style anyways? My wife and I do that all the time -- I beg and she rolls over and plays dead.

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Today, I met my boyfriends mother for the first time and hoped to make a good first impression. When I tried to say 'Hello', a loud rippling burp comes up from my throat. And not only that. A small chunk of mucus flies out and lands on the floor between us. So much for a good first impression. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2009 at 7:06pm / United States (Hawaii) / Animals

Today, a man proposed to me in classic style on one knee. Unfortunately, I have been telling this man for the last two months that I don't even want to date him. He thinks I'm playing hard to get and is not giving up. FML

by Unloving / 12/31/2009 at 4:47pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, I canceled my ATM card, because it had been lost. Then I found it. Then I found out I can't reactivate it, because I asked for a replacement card. I'm from CA, and I'm in Mexico with only 20 bucks. FML

by Busted / 12/31/2009 at 3:52pm / Mexico (Distrito Federal) / Holidays

Today, I got in a car accident on the way to the DMV to take my drivers test. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2009 at 3:10pm / United States (Nevada) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend and I were play wrestling. I had pinned him down and was sitting on his chest when he suddenly squeezed my stomach, causing me to rip the loudest fart ever. He looked so shocked that I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed so hard that I accidentally peed on him as well. FML

by pottypattypeepants / 12/31/2009 at 3:04pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I had a blind date. When I arrived at our meeting place, I spotted my date, because he was the only one in the bar wearing a nametag. I walked up to him and asked, "Are you John?" He responded, "That depends. Are you Jen?" When I said yes he said, "Then no," and left. FML

by lifesux / 12/31/2009 at 12:33pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was looking through pictures on Facebook. There was a picture of me and my friends with the caption "I love you guys!" below. I had been cropped out. FML

by MorganRox26 / 12/31/2009 at 11:52am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally discovered the reason my front room smelt funny. My dog, thinking the Christmas tree was real, has been peeing on it for the past two weeks. FML

by brokenrainbow. / 12/31/2009 at 8:28am / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Animals