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Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML

#308282
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64338) - you deserved it (4664)

On 03/13/2009 at 7:04pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was excited because I was going to get my college decisions back. I put all of the letters in order of my preference. Didn't get into my first choice. Denied from my second choice. Rejected from my third choice. Wait listed on my back-up. Accepted for a job at Target. FML

#306023
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66906) - you deserved it (9219)

On 03/13/2009 at 5:09pm - misc - by sadsenior (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, at the dinner table my parents were talking to my younger sister about her new boyfriend and how they should be taking it slow. My sister then pointed out that that's not what I do. My dad said, "Believe me I know- your sister's easier to get into than community college." FML

#305736
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66351) - you deserved it (26906)

On 03/13/2009 at 4:54pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I were choosing animals that reminded us of eachother. I said he reminded me of a tiger because he is really muscular. He told me I reminded him of a zebra. When I asked him why, he said it was because of my stretchmarks. FML

#304824
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75992) - you deserved it (7228)

On 03/13/2009 at 4:03pm - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to get my midterm essay grade thinking I couldn't have made lower than a B. Got to class and my douchebag professor gave me an F. He wrote "Best essay I read, would've been an A if it was the right topic." I wrote on the Industrial Revolution, instead of the Scientific Revolution. FML

#303227
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23105) - you deserved it (79184)

On 03/13/2009 at 2:08pm - misc - by Bamamomma01 (woman) - United States (Alabama)

derfboy23's comment : so he's a douchebag because you can't read instructions?

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Today, me and my boyfriend were just about to have sex and I was so excited to do it just like the movies. He carried me up and just as he was about to lay me on the bed he sneezed, dropping me at the same time. I hit my head. Now I have 12 stitches where my eyebrow used to be. FML

#303053
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79524) - you deserved it (7537)

On 03/13/2009 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by Misc. (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was talking to my grandmother, who was lying down on the couch under a blanket watching TV. As I was leaving, I said "See you later Nana," and patted her on the shoulder. Her shoulder was soft, and moved more than I expected. It was her boob. I felt up my grandma. FML

#301590
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48060) - you deserved it (11571)

On 03/13/2009 at 11:49am - misc - by Noname (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom was helping me clean out stuff from college. She opened a box and took out some anal beads I got as a gag gift. She asked, "What are these?" I answered, "They are for massaging your back". She then insisted I show her. I massaged my mother with anal beads. FML

#300638
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31496) - you deserved it (65201)

On 03/13/2009 at 9:48am - intimacy - by DanniRae (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because I saw him with another woman. I confronted both of them in screaming rage "What the fuck? Are you cheating on me with this ugly slut?" They were in shock. Turns out it was his cousin visiting from New Jersey, he was gonna introduce us at dinner. FML

#300498
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19920) - you deserved it (188158)

On 03/13/2009 at 9:18am - love - by nowthatsfcked (woman) - Canada

andelizastrin's comment : And this is why we don't jump to conclusions....

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Today, I finally got the courage to tell my best friend that I've had a crush on him since our junior year. Since I couldn't see him I shot him a text. His response: "Yeah I know. I've tried kind of ignoring it." FML

#299103
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73498) - you deserved it (7068)

On 03/13/2009 at 3:27am - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was walking my friends dog around the neighborhood, as I was walking I noticed a little girl fall off her bike. I let go of the dog and ran over to help. The girl was ok but the dog ran into the street and got hit by a truck. FML

#298417
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66087) - you deserved it (21024)

On 03/13/2009 at 2:19am - animals - by the_dog_sitter (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found an obituary clipping on my kitchen table. It was for my grandpa. No one told me he died. FML

#297677
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (105842) - you deserved it (4430)

On 03/13/2009 at 1:30am - misc - by depresso (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, when I was shaving , I wanted to see what I looked like with a Hitler 'tache. Since I was shaving anyway I just left that part and figured I'd shave it later. Well I was goose stepping around my room for awhile and then forgot about it. I ran into my girlfriend's parents later that day. FML

#297200
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10836) - you deserved it (69392)

On 03/13/2009 at 1:03am - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (Colorado)



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