Today, I got all dressed up for a New Year's party. When my parents and siblings left the house to their parties, I got undressed. I wasn't going to a party. I only got dressed up so my family would think I had plans. FML

by Shawna / 01/01/2010 at 8:19pm / United States (Delaware) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my birthday dinner with my family. Everyone was making an effort to avoid a certain topic. Later my 5 year old cousin gives me a nice hand drawn card of me and my boyfriend. Apparently no one had the heart to tell her my boyfriend had broken up with me on my birthday. FML

by Singleton / 01/01/2010 at 7:33pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I was driving home from an airport. On the way home, I got a flat tire. Once I was outside the car I realized that I had accidentally locked the car with the keys inside. I was in the middle of nowhere 20 miles from anywhere and couldn't call for help since my phone was in the car. FML

Today, is January 1st. Last night, I threw a party. Only 3 people came. Luckily, one of the people who came was the love of my life, I had been hoping to get a midnight kiss from him. Unluckly, he decided to get back with his ex-girlfriend. At my party. They were liplocked almost the whole time. FML

by ScrewedOver / 01/01/2010 at 7:09pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, when I was unpacking all of my stuff, my parents declared that they are going to live in Australia, and have found me a 'friend'. I am a 14 year old girl at boarding school, and my friend is my new foster mum. FML

by manksy / 01/01/2010 at 5:07pm / United Kingdom (North Yorkshire) / Work

Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML

by Lovergirl / 01/01/2010 at 3:23pm / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy

Today, I had to go to the hospital. While I was there, my mom started hitting on a doctor. Later I saw them making out in the room next to me. FML

by johnny121 / 01/01/2010 at 2:14pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend told me it was her fantasy to orgasm at midnight on New Years. We got started at 11:53. I didn't last until midnight. FML

by FavreFan99 / 01/01/2010 at 12:01pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, the 6 year old girl I was babysitting asked me, "Why are you so ugly? Are you an alien? Because aliens are about as ugly as you are." FML

by silverstar189 / 01/01/2010 at 10:41am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I came home from a new years party wearing a shower curtain and nothing else. FML

by NotANaturist / 01/01/2010 at 9:13am / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 4 year old daughter was looking at a magazine cover with a well endowed model showing off her clevage. She looked at me and said, "Mommy, when I grow up will I have big round boobies like her or tiny pointy ones like you?" FML

by andy / 01/01/2010 at 9:12am / United States (New York) / Kids

 Today, while I was trying to get to sleep, I heard a strange noise coming from the bunk bed above mine. I looked up to see what it was and my cat vomited over the edge, onto my face. FML

by grosssss / 01/01/2010 at 8:03am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals

Today, my stepdad did a crap in the shape of the number 2, took a picture of it and showed it to all my friends at my party, while we were eating. FML

by Moosh / 01/01/2010 at 6:12am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous