Today, I was watching Free Willy with my boyfriend. It was at the part where the boy leaned into the water to give Willy a hug. I asked, "How do you even hug a whale?" My boyfriend rolled over and gave me a hug, and said, "Like this." FML

by leigh2812 / 01/05/2010 at 5:03pm / Love

Today, my ex looked at me for the first time in months. I felt like I could fly. Seconds later my flight ended. I fell down the stairs. FML

by katiekat / 01/05/2010 at 3:24pm / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, I picked the treadmill next to an old man so I could feel better about myself. He ran faster and longer than I did. FML

by Anonymous / 01/05/2010 at 3:16pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I was walking out of Starbucks when I sneezed, causing coffee to burn my nose. I screamed, dropped it, and sent scorching coffee all over my legs while dropping everything else I was holding. FML

by SplashOuch / 01/05/2010 at 12:58pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a promo code for a free Redbox movie. Since I knew exactly which movie I wanted, I parked in a handicapped space because it was super close and I was cold. I didn't think anyone would notice, but apparently the cop that parked beside my car did. My free movie cost me $100. FML

by handi-crap / 01/05/2010 at 12:28pm / United States (Colorado) / Money

RyeBreadBoy's comment : Of course it was super close. Handicapped people generally can't get around very well. F their lives if they had to park in a far away normal space because you can't handle twelve seconds of cold.

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Today, I received a phone call from the local utilities company, telling me in essence: "We regret to inform you that your meter was switched, and we have been billing you for an unoccupied unit for the past 15 months. You owe us $1123.28. We apologize for any inconvenience." FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

by me / 01/05/2010 at 11:22am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I planted a bit of a condom wrapper in my bed so my housekeeper would think I have a love life. FML

by PJ / 01/05/2010 at 9:06am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, while studying in India, I was peacefully journaling, reflecting and enjoying the beautiful landscape. And then a monkey threw its poo at me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/05/2010 at 7:49am / India (Madhya Pradesh) / Miscellaneous

Today, after my girlfriend telling me for years that she would marry me in a heartbeat, I finally proposed. She said no. FML

by Chewy / 01/05/2010 at 5:45am / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Love

Today, I was told that, although I was sick on the last day before break, they would still accept the 24 page essay that I had written. Tonight, as I went to print it out, I found that my dad had "cleaned up a bit" on my computer, including the documents from last semester. I have school tomorrow. FML

by Himynameisjacob / 01/05/2010 at 2:18am / United States (Kansas) / Work

Today, I was rejected for a job I really wanted, they said I didn't have enough experience. I designed the systems they are implementing. FML

by Me / 01/05/2010 at 2:16am / France / Work

Today, I learned that my boyfriend waits 'til I am asleep to wack off to porn on the internet. We haven't had sex in months because he doesn't want to. FML

by Anonymous / 01/05/2010 at 2:16am / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy