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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML

#115148
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11969) - you deserved it (36709)

On 02/23/2009 at 4:58pm - animals - by frenchpop1960 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to the Doctors and the nurse asked if I was married, in which I responded "yes". Then she asked if I was sexually active... "no". FML

#114016
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72775) - you deserved it (9624)

On 02/23/2009 at 2:40pm - intimacy - by starbird (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was discussing sex with my guy friends in their dorm when I asked one of them what he would do if I got naked and crawled into his bed. He replied, "Nothing. You're one of the guys now." They all agreed. FML

#113943
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60857) - you deserved it (21053)

On 02/23/2009 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by NeverGonnaGetAny (woman) - United States (Texas)

bobdole's comment : As a guy, let me tell you that that is one of the best compliments you can receive.

See all the comments →

Today, I had to tell my super-conservative parents that I had just gone to visit the boyfriend I'm not supposed to have so that I could tell him I am pregnant. FML

#113556
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19522) - you deserved it (50863)

On 02/23/2009 at 1:28pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mum came home from a business trip. My four-year-old brother, who I'd been watching, told her I was "sexing" my boyfriend a lot after I put him to bed. After lots of arguing, she banned me from seeing him and took my car away. Only much later did I realize my brother meant "texting". FML

#113033
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77357) - you deserved it (4739)

On 02/23/2009 at 11:47am - intimacy - by Megan (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I just studied for 13.5 hours completely outlining a book for history. Thirty minutes before the test, I realized I had been reading the wrong book. FML

#112701
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33327) - you deserved it (37911)

On 02/23/2009 at 10:32am - work - by Nic (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I saw a girl texting at school. I told her she might want to put her phone away before she got a detention. She turned around and I saw she was changing her insulin level on her pump. She has diabetes. FML

#112568
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10894) - you deserved it (50924)

On 02/23/2009 at 9:41am - health - by kcd (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I drove to a job interview. I had to sneeze, but because I was driving on the highway, I didn't let go of the wheel to cover my mouth. I didn't know the sneeze was a "productive" one until I was sitting in the interview, looked down at my new blouse and saw the giant lugie sitting there. FML

#112502
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31810) - you deserved it (7945)

On 02/23/2009 at 9:16am - work - by Debbie (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her, "Need a hand with that?" to which she replied "I'm doing fine here on my own, don't ruin it." FML

#112379
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84752) - you deserved it (21042)

On 02/23/2009 at 8:14am - intimacy - by Anonn (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I'm playing basketball with my little brother. After jokingly blocking his shot, he turns to me and says "You're a bitch." He's 6. After asking where he heard that word, he responded with "Daddy calls you that when you're not around." FML

#112335
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (142991) - you deserved it (11815)

On 02/23/2009 at 7:51am - kids - by lifesucks4me - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was working my shift and my ex girlfriend came in to apply for a job. She broke up with me for another guy so i can't stand being in the same room as her. The manager talked to her and decided to hire her on the spot. I need to train her. FML

#112173
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54557) - you deserved it (2764)

On 02/23/2009 at 5:35am - misc - by jeezy - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at my ex-girlfriends house, whom I still have a major crush on. After cuddling as we watched a movie, she began to show me several pictures she had taken on her cell, and asked which ones I liked the best. She then sent the pictures I had chosen, to a guy she had met a week ago. FML

#111857
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35913) - you deserved it (10428)

On 02/23/2009 at 3:09am - misc - by LAME (man) - United States (California)

Today, I drove to a party after getting my car back from the shop. A thunderstorm started as I made my way there and upon arriving, the power went out. The guests decided to watch the storm from the front windows when someone mentioned how funny it would be if a tree fell on my car. Seconds later, one did. FML

#111850
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60938) - you deserved it (3003)

On 02/23/2009 at 3:08am - misc - by Jessie (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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