Today, I went on my first date with a girl I have been infatuated with for months. At the restaurant, the waiter came while she was in the bathroom. I ordered steaks for both of us. Turns out, she is vegetarian, and doesn't like it when men are "overly aggressive". She called me a cow murderer. FML

by meatballz / 03/16/2010 at 12:28am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I was so bored I googled the word "bored." The results were boring. FML

by hiii. / 03/15/2010 at 10:27pm / United States (Indiana) / Geek

Today, I told my parents I wanted to try modelling. I decided that since I have such a low self-esteem, that it might benefit me, and make me feel better about myself and how I look. The first thing out of my dad's mouth was, "What? Why? You're ugly." Thanks dad. FML

by Anonymous / 03/15/2010 at 7:42pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that the wintergreen breath mints I've been taking for a week now, are actually circular, flavored, white and green laxatives. FML

by Anonymous / 03/15/2010 at 7:29pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I lost my phone. I tried to call it using my husband's phone, but couldn't figure out which of the three Kates in the contact list was me. Turns out, two are co-workers and one is his aunt. I was listed under Satan. FML

by Satan / 03/15/2010 at 7:22pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I was daydreaming in bed when my phone rang from across the room. I scrambled out of my covers, tripped over a pair of boots I had by the bed, and slipped on some jeans laying on the floor. Luckily, I answered my phone in time, but only to have my mom tell me to clean my room before she got home. FML

by katharine / 03/15/2010 at 4:12pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in a movie when my boyfriend sent out a mass text saying that he'd just lost his virginity. FML

by Anonymous / 03/15/2010 at 3:34pm / United States (Nevada) / Love

Today, I realised I spend more time and receive more satisfaction talking on the phone with Chinese take away than talking to my wife in person. FML

by Anonymous / 03/15/2010 at 1:38pm / Ireland / Love

Today, I spent three hours getting ready to go out to lunch with my boyfriend, only to find out he meant we're going to the McDonald's inside Wal-Mart so he can also pick up condoms. FML

by Anonymous / 03/15/2010 at 12:46pm / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, my dad and I were in the car when a rabbit scurried across the road, just missing us. My dad turned and said to me, "Well, it's good we didn't hit him. He gets to live another day." I then looked in the rear view mirror to see the rabbit running away from the cross traffic, only to be hit by the car behind us. FML

by bunnylover / 03/15/2010 at 12:44pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend of almost a year and a half broke up with me when he decided he wasn't in love with me anymore. We gave our stuff back, he was joking and happy the whole time until I told him I was taking back my cat. At that point he burst into tears. FML

by stunned / 03/15/2010 at 11:27am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I got mugged. They wanted my phone and wallet. The most important thing in my wallet was my fully punched Smoothie King card. FML

by ashleeylynn / 03/15/2010 at 11:05am / United States / Money

Today, after confronting my husband about lack of intimacy in our marriage, I found him playing with himself. His response to my shock was ‘This is less work and less involving.’ FML

by Anonymous / 03/15/2010 at 10:05am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Intimacy