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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my dad gave me a promise ring on my one year anniversary with my boyfriend and made me swear I would wait til marriage. Four hours later he walked in on us having sex in my bedroom. FML

#400298
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45854) - you deserved it (240292)

On 03/16/2009 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by thiswouldhappen. - United States (Florida)

ashology101's comment : why do parents think a ring will convince their dear daughter to keep her leg closed? it never works.

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Today, I was with my grandma waiting in a line. She only speaks Chinese and there was a black man in front of us talking his phone. My grandma tells me that the black man's really loud and annoying. The man finishes and turns and said fluently in Chinese, "What's wrong with loud black men?" FML

#399721
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53725) - you deserved it (29581)

On 03/16/2009 at 10:09pm - misc - by kaichennnxx (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mother called me and told me that she went to the hospital. This wasn't a surprise 'cos she normally goes to the hospital for the smallest things. So, I was a smart ass and asked, "What now? You finally have lung cancer from all those cigarettes?" Apparently, she does. FML

#398759
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22757) - you deserved it (93502)

On 03/16/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by cannabis_this420 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was swimming in the ocean with my best friend and a giant wave came and knocked off the bottom of my bikini. My friend told me that she would go get another bottom so I could walk onto the very crowded beach. She left me for half an hour, laughing from the shore with her entire family. FML

#397272
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81718) - you deserved it (5663)

On 03/16/2009 at 9:04pm - misc - by paymeinhugs - United States (New York)

Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989". They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML

#391986
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (176166) - you deserved it (34476)

On 03/16/2009 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by ihatevideos (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my phone rang while I was home alone. When I picked up, all I could hear was heavy breathing. Convinced it was one of my friends playing a joke, I said loudly, "Get off the phone, you fucker, and don't call back!" It turned out it was my grandma. She had been having a stroke. FML

#386198
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39520) - you deserved it (85953)

On 03/16/2009 at 5:01pm - misc - by badgrandchild - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, is my 16th birthday. Thinking that my parents would be out of town for it like they had every other year, I decided it would be fun to tan nude in my backyard. Apparantly my parents set up a surprise party for my sweet 16. I was standing naked infront of half my school. FML

#385817
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (113749) - you deserved it (43020)

On 03/16/2009 at 4:51pm - misc - by badbirthday (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was out on a date with a guy. His hot co-worker came to have a beer with us, and I knew my best friend would think he was gorgeous. I wanted to take a picture of him without knowing, so i tried to hold up my phone and pretend to be texting. The flash went off. FML

#385410
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18379) - you deserved it (113503)

On 03/16/2009 at 4:41pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex at his house. When we got there, he checked his mail box first and noticed that his Wii game arrived. He sent me home so he can play. FML

#381498
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (158037) - you deserved it (22103)

On 03/16/2009 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by gfg (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, I had a meeting with my super-hot TA. When I got to her office, she complimented me for being early, to which I thoughtfully replied "oh I usually come early." She laughed. FML

#379796
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53102) - you deserved it (31888)

On 03/16/2009 at 1:40pm - misc - by SmoothTalker (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I found an old dress in my house laying around. I decided to dye it green to wear it out on St. Patrick's day. Turns out it was my grandmother's wedding dress that my sister was planning to wear for her wedding. FML

#379533
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36117) - you deserved it (158656)

On 03/16/2009 at 1:29pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Colorado)

heatherjay's comment : what the fuck kind of wedding dress was it that you couldn't tell?

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Today, I fell asleep in history class. I was dreaming about my history teacher. When I woke up everyone stared at me rather weirdly and the teacher wasn't there. Turns out I was moaning my history teachers name through my sleep. FML

#379230
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (125430) - you deserved it (36535)

On 03/16/2009 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by asleepinclass (woman) - Poland (Warszawa)

hotbeefinjection's comment : LOL well atleast you know the truth now!~ and how can the OP deserve it??? idgi

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