Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I saw an elderly man struggling to make it across a busy street. I jumped up from my table at Starbucks to help him, leaving my things behind. When I got back to my table feeling good, I found that my coffee had disappeared. So had my wallet. FML

#3971332
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34585) - you deserved it (23543)

On 07/23/2009 at 3:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, in the midst of foreplay, this girl tells me I am so hot, I respond "Ditto." She heatedly responds "I love ditto," to which I suavely reply "I didn't know you were into Pokémon. That may make you even sexier." She knows nothing about Pokémon, but I sure know how to kill the mood. FML

#3971030
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18357) - you deserved it (70357)

On 07/23/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by MitchFail (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend of eight years explained to me that the Egyptian pyramids were built by aliens from Mars. I have a B.S. in Biology and an M.S. in Anthropology, and I am working on my Ph.D. She thinks I'm an irrational idiot for telling her she is wrong. FML

#3970394
346 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45070) - you deserved it (9430)

On 07/23/2009 at 2:13am - work - by published_anthropologist (man) - United States

Today, I was shopping at COSTCO for a romantic evening with my girlfriend, I bought some flowers, dinner and a super pack of condoms, At the register behind me I heard somebody say "Good thing my daughter has a responsible boyfriend." It was my girlfriend's father. FML

#3969079
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52973) - you deserved it (9095)

On 07/23/2009 at 1:23am - love - by costcocondoms (man) - Mexico (Baja California)

anniebananie's comment : A 17 year old guy walks into a pharmacy. He says to the pharmacist (bragging) "Yeah, my girlfriend is starting to get really hot for some good lovin. I think it's time that I buy some condoms so that I can give it to her good. Tonight we are going to have dinner at her parents house and then going out to inspiration point". The pharmacist recomends a brand of condoms. The guy buys them and leaves. Later that night at the parents house the family and the guy sit down to dinner. The guy asks to say grace. The family obliges. He starts "Dear god, Please protect us and forgive us for our sins," as he continues his speech gets more and more religious. He begs for forgiveness, he asks for world peace, he wishes that everyone could be all knowing. As he continues the family (and his girlfriend) sit in amazement. Finally he finishes, 'God bless us every one." "Wow" his girlfriend says, "I didn't know you were so relgious." "Yeah well, I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist".

See all the comments →

Today, I went to a funeral. When I got there, I hugged one of the family members and he asked, "How are you?" Out of habit, I replied, "Good, how about you?" He looked appalled and shouted "How the fuck do you think I am?! My mother just died!" loud enough for everyone to hear. FML

#3968055
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41588) - you deserved it (18640)

On 07/23/2009 at 12:40am - misc - by partycats (woman) - United States (Ohio)

anniebananie's comment : Jesus Christ, that sucks for you. I understand his mother just died, but seriously, no need to make a scene. It's the same as asking "How are you holding up?"

See all the comments →

Today, I got very dressed up and was excited for my uncle's wedding. While standing in line for photos, I heard my dad's voice from behind me say "Who's the hot chick in the brown dress?" My uncle responds "Uh, that's your daughter." Silence. FML

#3967657
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72490) - you deserved it (4484)

On 07/23/2009 at 12:26am - misc - by Rory (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, for our one year anniversary, my boyfriend decided to make me a patchwork blanket. The thing is, the patches were stains from bedsheets from where the 'wet spot' was. He thought it was romantic. FML

#3960027
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49815) - you deserved it (5439)

On 07/22/2009 at 7:35pm - love - by OneYearMistake. (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, after I cleaned out the fridge of things that expired months ago, my roommate got angry and insisted upon pulling all the moldy dairy products out of the garbage and putting them back because "they weren't mine and I shouldn't throw out other people's food." FML

#3959281
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39996) - you deserved it (4072)

On 07/22/2009 at 7:03pm - misc - by uncleaning (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, at the dentist, the new, rather airy assistant went to prep me for an extraction. She began pulling on something in my mouth, and a moment later, I felt intense pain and then the wetness of blood. She was trying to pull out "that weird wire thing". In other words, my permanent retainer. FML

#3958624
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63868) - you deserved it (2459)

On 07/22/2009 at 6:36pm - health - by retainer (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, the boss returned from vacation. While he was gone we thought it would be a great idea to fill the water cooler with margaritas. Even after rinsing it we still have lime flavored water. Needless to say we got a company memo about appropriate office behavior. FML

#3958127
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8576) - you deserved it (49528)

On 07/22/2009 at 6:15pm - work - by shayes9 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house for dinner. Her parents seemed upset, so I tried to lighten the mood by saying, "Hey, at least the weekend is coming up and you guys won't have to go in for work." Apparently, they were upset because they both got laid off from their jobs today. FML

#3957913
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51121) - you deserved it (7905)

On 07/22/2009 at 6:05pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I tried to make my mom feel better about me leaving for camp for 2 weeks by saying I wish she would come too. She took me seriously and called the camp and is now a camp counselor there. The only problem is I lied about going to the camp, and I'm really going to my boyfriend's lake house. FML

#3957207
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17150) - you deserved it (77099)

On 07/22/2009 at 5:31pm - misc - by grounded4life (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my coworkers decided to play a game of "Who Can Piss the Boss Off the Most". I opted not to play, but I still won. FML

#3956685
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45734) - you deserved it (5196)

On 07/22/2009 at 5:09pm - work - by PokeTheBear (man) - Canada



FML's blog

  • FML with pics? That's FML Pics
  • They say that a picture is worth a thousand words. We reckoned pictures could be worth 300 characters, which is why we launched FML Pics. The name says it all, really: it's an FML app, only with…

Monday 3 August 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: