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Today, I was in my backyard scolding my cat. I yelled, "If you can't learn to use the bathroom correctly then I am going to leave your stupid butt out here in the snow until you figure it out!!" Later, my neighbor left me a nasty note about child abuse - she thought I was scolding my son. FML

#255521
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47296) - you deserved it (10760)

On 03/09/2009 at 9:16pm - kids - by flaggurl (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had my wisdom teeth pulled. There was a cyst behind one of them, and the dentist decided to extract it - except the Novocaine didn't reach that far back. I raised my hand like they said to do, and the dentist looked at me writing in pain and said, "No, you're fine." FML

#255362
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68913) - you deserved it (2780)

On 03/09/2009 at 9:03pm - health - by toothache (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was at a dance. I was griding with this guy when I felt something move in his pants. I stood up and stepped away. He replied with "Don't flatter yourself, it was my phone". FML

#254929
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19980) - you deserved it (50077)

On 03/09/2009 at 8:26pm - misc - by Joe (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was babysitting my co-workers son. He was eating jell-o and spilt it on his top, so I pulled off his pj's, and went in his room to grab a new pair. I heard a thunk and ran to find him out cold on the floor. His parents walked in on me trying to wake up their naked 3 year old. FML

#254366
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43103) - you deserved it (5235)

On 03/09/2009 at 7:36pm - misc - by Noname (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, these kids in my math class told me to ask this girl if I could lick her clit. I basically yelled 'what's a clit'? Everyone looked at me. I'm a senior in high school, no one has yet to explain it to me. I had to google it when i got home. FML

#254280
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35440) - you deserved it (77160)

On 03/09/2009 at 7:29pm - intimacy - by danmarino (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

skatingweasel's comment : Dude...you need to get laid.

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citylights's comment : hahahahahaha that is fucked

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Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML

#253900
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79274) - you deserved it (7752)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:54pm - misc - by missy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had a job interview. I stopped to take a pee in the lobby before I went in. I relaxed a bit too much at the urinal and accidentally farted. I chuckled about it like a 5-year old for a few seconds. The guy that had been next to me at the urinal was the interviewer. FML

#253814
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18710) - you deserved it (42377)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:45pm - work - by ADH2000 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was talking to my mom about who I wanted to ask to prom. I told her the names of the girls I was thinking of asking and she replied, "They'll say no, but you can always go with one of your cousins." FML

#252783
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58126) - you deserved it (2814)

On 03/09/2009 at 5:02pm - misc - by Tony (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my best friend resolved things with her boyfriend after he had admitted to cheating on her. I felt really guilty because I drunkenly hooked up with her boyfriend last month. She said, "I felt better when he told me that the girl was extremely ugly and bad in bed." FML

#252691
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14004) - you deserved it (99839)

On 03/09/2009 at 4:52pm - misc - by collegegirl90 - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom called and told me I got accepted to my first-choice college. I got really excited and asked her to read me the letter. As she started to read it, she said, "Oops... uh, nevermind." FML

#252648
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70219) - you deserved it (2614)

On 03/09/2009 at 4:48pm - misc - by stillwaiting (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mother and I went to Wal-Mart to buy pads. I suggested I get tampons instead, so that I can go swimming at my boyfriend's cottage. My mother then goes to the nearest store employee and asks, "excuse me, if my daughter uses a tampon, does that mean she is no longer a virgin?" FML

#251967
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (181995) - you deserved it (13182)

On 03/09/2009 at 3:30pm - intimacy - by tamponmayhem (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

sovietrussian's comment : your mom is an idiot.

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Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. He seemed to be enjoying it, his penis "came out". My boyfriend was walking by and said "at least you turn someone on." FML

#251133
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74756) - you deserved it (7905)

On 03/09/2009 at 1:04pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (Ontario)



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