Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Man or woman?

Today, I started a fight at a lesbian bar and lost. I'm a man. FML

#45910
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14574) - you deserved it (78698)

On 02/15/2009 at 5:43am - misc - by Mofisto (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a coffee date with a guy I'm interested in. He picked up his phone mid-date to finalize dinner plans with another girl. FML

#45902
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36635) - you deserved it (2493)

On 02/15/2009 at 5:32am - misc - by lamesauce (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I called my grandmother to wish her a happy Valentines Day. She asked me if I had a date lined up. I didn't, and before I could explain why, she responded with, "Well, maybe all the other gays went on vacation!" Thanks Grandma, I'm not gay. FML

#45880
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39525) - you deserved it (2658)

On 02/15/2009 at 5:12am - misc - by kolgate (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I saw my male boss holding a purse. Just to be a smart ass, I made fun of him as if the purse was his. It was his. FML

#45766
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9672) - you deserved it (37700)

On 02/15/2009 at 4:06am - misc - by gregoyles (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was instructed by my boss to welcome the 2 new foreign business partners since I am the only one who could speak their language. When they arrived I greeted them in their language. One of them scratched his head and asked his companion in plain and clear English, "What did he say?" FML

#45177
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32302) - you deserved it (4418)

On 02/15/2009 at 1:21am - misc - by Salaryman (man) - Philippines (Rizal)

Today, I spent 2 minutes struggling to cork a wine bottle for one of my tables only to have them eventually point out to me that the bottle was a twist-off. FML

#45104
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7158) - you deserved it (28669)

On 02/15/2009 at 1:06am - misc - by sillybrohos (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was babysitting a 5 year old boy. When I was on the phone with my mom, he called 911 and started to cry. When I got off the phone the police were at the door. It turns out that the "emergency" was that the VCR was not working. FML

#45051
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28079) - you deserved it (8670)

On 02/15/2009 at 12:57am - misc - by loueb17 - United States (Arizona)

Today, I stood by the wall at a party while everyone else danced and ignored me. It was my birthday party. FML

#44996
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54249) - you deserved it (10123)

On 02/15/2009 at 12:44am - misc - by Noname - United States

Today, I looked on my sister's phone. There was a text from her boyfriend: "Let's go camping again, I bought more condoms so we won't make a big mess this time." Last time they went camping, they borrowed my sleeping bag. FML

#43502
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67352) - you deserved it (6971)

On 02/14/2009 at 7:38pm - misc - by NeverCampingAgain (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I wore the belt that my stepfather has spent 2 months needle pointing, as a finishing touch he added my initials: 'fml'. FML

#43166
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33358) - you deserved it (4725)

On 02/14/2009 at 6:19pm - misc - by MLS (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I fell asleep in my driver's ed class, and I woke up in a middle of a dream laughing. Everyone stared at me. I found out that the teacher had just finished talking about his vegetative niece who didn't wear a seat belt. FML

#43148
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14637) - you deserved it (32865)

On 02/14/2009 at 6:15pm - misc - by Biggest Jerk (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my two best friends decided to boycott Valentine's Day, ditching their boyfriends to hang out together. Not only am I single, but I wasn't invited. FML

#43145
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34902) - you deserved it (2151)

On 02/14/2009 at 6:14pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I cancelled out of a video chat with my boyfriend to go take a dump. I took my computer with me to look at Facebook. It took three minutes for me to realize I was still on video chat. FML

#43092
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13206) - you deserved it (47885)

On 02/14/2009 at 6:05pm - misc - by videochat (woman) - United States (Vermont)



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