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Today, I went to get a sports physical at a hospital. My nurse was morbidly obese and unattractive. She told me she would go through the tests listed on the sheet. She did everything, including feeling my genitalia. When it was done, I read over the sheet. Genitalia wasn't a test listed. FML

#162461
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (154529) - you deserved it (13840)

On 02/28/2009 at 4:58pm - health - by TahRah (man) - United States (Virginia)

gilbs's comment : WHOA.....call your doctor about that. That's fucked up.

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Today, I got a 31% on a Chinese test at school. I moved here to New Jersey from China two months ago. FML

#161990
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55688) - you deserved it (17612)

On 02/28/2009 at 3:57pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was standing in the parking lot with my sister, after my aunt's funeral, when my grandma walks up and says to my sister, "You're the one going places in life, I'm proud to have you as a grand daughter." She then looked at me, and walked away. FML

#161850
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50663) - you deserved it (3337)

On 02/28/2009 at 3:41pm - misc - by AnnaMarie. (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML

#161178
995 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70752) - you deserved it (734086)

On 02/28/2009 at 2:07pm - misc - by ihavepinkbackpac (woman) - United States (California)

bobdole's comment : tell her your ISP mistakenly blocked ports 80, 8080,8000, etc. so you could still e-mail but not use http stuff

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Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend of one year - "why is someone as smart, funny and as handsome as you with someone like me?" he replied - "opposites attract." FML

#161077
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42391) - you deserved it (26424)

On 02/28/2009 at 1:55pm - love - by sprocket (woman) - Hong Kong

Today, I was over at a friend's place until very late. He had stolen my keys as a joke at some point, but by the time I noticed, he was too drunk to remember where he'd hidden them. FML

#160581
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38182) - you deserved it (8129)

On 02/28/2009 at 12:33pm - misc - by doneanddone (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my teacher confiscated my cell phone for text messaging. He said he would give it back if the next text that I would receive was important. I prayed the guy I've been texting didn't send the dick pic he said he was going to. He did. FML

#160435
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27375) - you deserved it (95074)

On 02/28/2009 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by textfail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend my self and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house but I left my radio turned on. FML

#159713
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17587) - you deserved it (42970)

On 02/28/2009 at 8:08am - misc - by Slipperywhenwet (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

#159600
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1143974) - you deserved it (115285)

On 02/28/2009 at 6:10am - love - by thatsucks (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

leesh08's comment : =[ that's so horrible!!

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Today, I babysat a five year old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML

#159589
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17267) - you deserved it (83386)

On 02/28/2009 at 5:59am - kids - by tryena (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I was introduced to my boyfriend's family at their family reunion for the first time. As I sat on the couch, his 4-year old sister comes in and jumps onto my lap. For a moment I was happy to think his sister liked me, only to hear her say "You're fat! I like fat things." FML

#159579
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50273) - you deserved it (5093)

On 02/28/2009 at 5:52am - misc - by Judiee (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at church and saw a blind teenager who obviously felt lost. Feeling like I should help I went over and asked if he needed anything. He said, "I can't find my caretaker." I asked, "What does she look like?" FML

#159157
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15078) - you deserved it (59508)

On 02/28/2009 at 2:59am - misc - by wideman (man) - United States (California)

Today, me and my girlfriend got into a fight. After giving my genius response to one of her asinine comments, I stormed out of the store, having the last word. Ten minutes later she comes out to find me in the parking lot. My car wouldn't start. She texts me "Karma's a bitch" then drives away. FML

#159138
46 comments


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