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Today, I went to buy beer underage for a party to impress a girl. I picked up the case of beer and went to the cashier, he ran it through without asking for ID. I left the store with a smirk on my face, I arrived at the party and showed the case to the girl. It was non-alcoholic. FML

#825703
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9567) - you deserved it (90161)

On 04/05/2009 at 10:22pm - love - by Triedtobecool (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, the 7 year old boy I was babysitting studied my upper lip and said "It's okay, my daddy won't let me shave yet either." I'm a girl. FML

#821314
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56160) - you deserved it (8205)

On 04/05/2009 at 6:04pm - misc - by YAABOIII (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, a car was waiting for me to cross the street so I thought it would be funny to slowly limp across the street. When I got to the end, I jumped as high as I could to show I was faking. Turns out I tripped and hit my head hard on the sidewalk. That car took me to the hospital. FML

#820879
364 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20036) - you deserved it (257777)

On 04/05/2009 at 5:39pm - misc - by funnyguyNOT (man) - United States

worb's comment : you're an idiot hurr durr let's hold up traffic!

See all the comments →

Today, I hired a babysitter, so my husband and I could spend some time together and work on our failing marriage. I dressed up. We went out. He got drunk and puked on me. FML

#820741
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81421) - you deserved it (6728)

On 04/05/2009 at 5:34pm - love - by IfuSeekAmyIdo (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was delivering packages to patients in the hospital for my job. My boss gave me a room to deliver to, and I drop it off as usual. But my boss gave me the wrong room number. I had to walk in, apologize, and take back balloons and a stuffed animal from a crying 6year old patient. FML

#819643
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (118320) - you deserved it (7185)

On 04/05/2009 at 4:17pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my parents came home after being out of town for the weekend. I stayed home, did homework and completely cleaned the house, thinking I could earn some brownie points with them. They saw how clean the house was and accused me of covering up a party. FML

#819596
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80104) - you deserved it (5738)

On 04/05/2009 at 4:15pm - misc - by brizzle (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was riding my bike and stopped at a street light. A little girl looked at me, then asked her mother, "Mommy, why does that girl have a ring through her nose?" Her mother then replied, "Because her parents don't love her." FML

#818828
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64532) - you deserved it (17699)

On 04/05/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was having sex with a girl I had just met. After about 5 minutes in, she said she had to go to the bathroom. So we stopped and she went to the bathroom. After waiting around 10 min, I decided to check if she was ok. The window was open. She was gone. FML

#818670
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (99064) - you deserved it (33883)

On 04/05/2009 at 3:15pm - intimacy - by dfhgblsf (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to a club with a couple of my friends. I met a really cute guy and we were getting along pretty well. We eventually exchanged numbers. Later on I decided to call him and set up a date. The number he gave me was the Rejection Hotline number. FML

#818669
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62574) - you deserved it (8447)

On 04/05/2009 at 3:15pm - misc - by jonas_93 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the director of the play I'm in decided to explain why we got the parts we did. He said he tried matching our characters to who we actually are. I play a whore who's a transvestite. FML

#818560
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65234) - you deserved it (6061)

On 04/05/2009 at 3:11pm - misc - by InsideActress (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. They informed me they were lawyers throughout the meal, which explained the gorgeous house. My boyfriend excitedly told them I was promoted manager at my job. They asked where I work. I work at Burger King. FML

#814621
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53678) - you deserved it (7993)

On 04/05/2009 at 10:12am - misc - by Vac (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while working at a Subway store right next to a big hospital, there was a big line of people all getting their subs toasted. Without turning around, I asked the next person in line, "I'll bet you want yours extra toasted?" She was a burns victim from the hospital. FML

Today, I went to the doctor's office because my wife and I were having some fertilization problems. As I removed my pants, the doctor simply looked at my penis and said "mhm." My wife laughed the whole way home. FML

#814298
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71083) - you deserved it (4685)

On 04/05/2009 at 9:32am - health - by manlyman (man) - United States (Virginia)



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