Today, I got out of bed and immediately went to the window as it was supposed to snow today. I saw a man walking his dog and he waved at me. I waved back enthusiastically and realised I was naked. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2009 at 6:47am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Animals

Today, after I got in my car in the Walmart parking lot, a creepy man knocked on my window. Since I'm incredibly paranoid and scare easily, I put my car in gear and tore out of there, accidentally hitting another car. Apparently he was returning my phone that I dropped. FML

by ParanoidFreak / 12/31/2009 at 4:31am / United States (South Carolina) / Transportation

Today, I was at work and I had to take a dump. Since I was the only person in the bathroom, I started singing, "I'm taking a poopy-poop poop poop poop." I was not the only person in the bathroom. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2009 at 3:06am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

AGGoddess's comment : Did anyone else provide backup vocals?

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Today, I logged onto Facebook and saw that I had a message from my ex boyfriend. It's only been two weeks since we broke up and I assumed he sent me a message begging for me to take him back. He wanted to apologize for sleeping with my sister last night. FML

by 12345678 / 12/31/2009 at 3:01am / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, my 7 year old looks at me and states, "When I grow up Mommy I want to be fat just like you." FML

by Missyangel / 12/31/2009 at 2:39am / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I tripped over a ice block frozen to the ground and hit my knee hard on another. I had trouble getting up, so I asked my dad if he could give me a hand. He started clapping and walked away. FML

by .... / 12/31/2009 at 1:23am / Canada (Manitoba) / Health

Today, the guy I've been texting told me he loved me and he couldn't wait to make me his wife, and he couldn't wait for us to have kids and grow old together. I've only known him for 3 days. FML

by Anonymous. / 12/31/2009 at 12:23am / United States / Love

Today, I ate a chocolate bar before getting my morning coffee. While waiting for it, a good looking guy starts talking to me, then suddenly loses interest. Afterwards, I see the chocolate on my face in my car mirror. FML

by lame / 12/31/2009 at 12:02am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was making out with a really hot guy in a Jacuzzi. He had the biggest booger hanging out of his nostril, but I was too embarrassed to say anything to him about it. He went in for a kiss. Soon after our lips parted, he said, "Oh, you have big booger." FML

by Jennyfromdablock / 12/30/2009 at 10:28pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I found out that "going for a meal and going out clubbing" for New Year's means me cooking for my mates and driving them to the pub. FML

by stonesober / 12/30/2009 at 8:32pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Miscellaneous

Today, after buying over $300 worth of food and alcohol, I found out all my friends aren't coming to my New Years party but headed to the BIG party at the local club. The one which I sold my ticket to after my friends convinced me to throw a party instead. FML

by 20 / 12/30/2009 at 7:28pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to egg my ex-boyfriend's house, after finding out he cheated on me. I covered his house and car with eggs, toilet paper, and silly string. When I went to get back in my car, my keys were locked inside, the alarm went off, and my ex walked outside, with his new girlfriend. FML

by BrutallyBlonde / 12/30/2009 at 7:03pm / United States (California) / Love

SweetestSin's comment : Karma just slapped you in the face - isn't egging a little childish?

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Today, I was in a busy airport bathroom with my three year old son. While in the process of pulling my pants down, my son decided to open the stall door. I jumped up to yank the door closed but not before the line of waiting women saw me with my pants wrapped around my ankles. FML

by doody / 12/30/2009 at 5:42pm / United States (Washington) / Kids