Today, I got out of bed and went downstairs in my boxers to get a glass of water. I entered the kitchen and said hi to my visiting mother-in-law, who smiled. Only after a good ten minutes did she decide to tell me that my "wanker-stick" was hanging from a gap in my boxers. FML

by kappaomicron / 01/19/2010 at 6:18pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I had to go to court to see whether my drivers license is suspended for an entire year. I woke up early, went to court, and everything went perfectly, with all the charges being dropped. Unfortunately, I then woke up, and am now going to be late. FML

by haus / 01/19/2010 at 2:38pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I sent my boss a link to a website I thought would answer a simple question she'd asked. Turns out, yes, the site did answer her question, but it also had some very suggestive ads on it. Apparently I'm the only person in the office who uses adblock. FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2010 at 2:26pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I found out the antibiotics I'm taking can cause you to vomit unexpectedly. In the car. While driving. To work. FML

by addie19 / 01/19/2010 at 2:25pm / United States (Missouri) / Health

Today, after spending four days having my resume, cover letter, and references proofread and perfected by professionals, I finally submitted it all to the summer internship of my dreams. I received a rejection letter ten minutes later. FML

by PiMan / 01/19/2010 at 2:20pm / United States (Alaska) / Work

Today, I flew a toy helicopter into my face. FML

by magicalDEATH / 01/19/2010 at 12:42pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a third date with a guy, hoping that maybe finally I would get some physical interaction. I did. I got a high five. FML

by Sl3vin / 01/19/2010 at 9:17am / United States (Nebraska) / Love

Today, I was given a ticket for running a red light. The reason? I was moving out of the way of an ambulance. The police officer watched it go by. FML

by Samaritan / 01/19/2010 at 8:20am / United Kingdom (Liverpool) / Transportation

Today, I got a missed call from a job that I really really want. I completely forgot that my answer machine message was a ridiculous and rude poem that I recorded previously when I was drunk. Somehow I don't think I'll be getting a call back. FML

by Stilljobless / 01/19/2010 at 6:51am / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Work

Today, my two boys decided to draw in permanent marker on the leather seats of the car I have had up for sale for 3 weeks with no interest. I call my husband to tell him we're going to have to keep it. He just made an appointment with a guy who has cash and is ready to buy it tomorrow. FML

by momof2boys / 01/19/2010 at 4:59am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was walking home, I felt my feet slip out from under me and I face-planted in the slushy, dirty, melting snow. I rolled over, completely soaked, and attempted to get up, thinking no one saw me. A mail-man then passed me without offering to help, and said, "I've seen worse." FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2010 at 4:34am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me for six months with my best friend of five years. After asking him what she had that I didn't, he responded with one word - "Boobies." FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2010 at 2:58am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I started my job as a consultant at a shop that sells wedding dresses. My first client? The girl my ex-fiancé cheated on me with and left me for. FML

by StillHurt / 01/19/2010 at 1:44am / United States (New York) / Work