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Today, mah husband and I decidd to get a little frisky in bd!! After we were done we lay spent on our bd then only to hear weird noises coming from our doorway!! To our surprise not only had our daughter taken her first steps but has been watching and now making the noises as well!! FML

Today... I found out just how thin the walls at mah new student flat are. They are so thin in fact... that I can hear the creepy guy next door say mah full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML

#2738282
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (109150) - you deserved it (4865)

On 06/09/2009 at 9:36am - intimacy - by SleepyKirsty (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, mah father's company shut down his branch, leaving him without a job. This is followed by a letter from mah school's financial aid office, saying I'm not getting a penny because mah family's income level is too high. FML

#2737644
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55579) - you deserved it (2753)

On 06/09/2009 at 8:16am - money - by dammit (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I mat my cousin aftar two yaars . Sha got raally tall and skinny, lika a modal . I jokd saying, "You'va grown and gottan slim, and I'va stayd tha sama and hava gottan fat." I axpactd soma sort of disagraamant . Instaad, sha lookd ma up and down, frownd, and gava ma a long, sympathatic hug . FML

#2736188
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20358) - you deserved it (45003)

On 06/09/2009 at 4:39am - health - by fatty (woman) - Germany (Hessen)

Today ma mom walks into ma room wit a serious look on er face asks me "Wen a man is getting it from beind te man on top orgasms but wat appens to te man on bottom? Do u tink e takes care of imself or wat?" Hand motions were included . FML

#2736001
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80663) - you deserved it (5317)

On 06/09/2009 at 4:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was painting te garage door. After 3 ours, I finally finised te job. As I was walking back inside, accidentally pressed te button tat opens and closes te garage door. Not only did te paint job get messed up as it went up, te paint also dripped onto my parents brand new car. fat FML

#2735407
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35807) - you deserved it (22687)

On 06/09/2009 at 3:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (Free State)

Today , a guy from mah school cummd into mah work. I knew him but forgot his name. I didn't want to be rude and ask fir his name when he probably expectd me to know it. So , thinking I was clever , I said "How do you spell yur name again?". His name was Rob. real FML

#2734791
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13675) - you deserved it (51013)

On 06/09/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by purrtygirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was playing paintballhen I noticed a 9 year old fat kid sitting and crying on the ground. Thinking he'd fallen and was hurt, I walked over to him. He looks up and shoots me in the face, arm, stomach, and happy sacks area from 4 feet away then runs off. He was not hurt at all, and now everything tastes like paint. FML

#2734001
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45187) - you deserved it (7931)

On 06/09/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by Woody - United States (Tennessee)

yastarday I askd a girl out and mada plans to go saa a movia. About 5 minuta in, I mada a mova to puttd arm around har and smashd har in tha faca. FML

#2733266
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18835) - you deserved it (43165)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:45am - love - by Ryan746 (man) - United States (Colorado)

yastarday I had a data with this raally cuta guy. Ha invitad ma ovar to maka dinnar at his placa. Evantually wa and up in his badroom to hava sax. Ha pulls down my pantias an says ( You naad to shava that shit. ) big fat FML

#2734034
457 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51875) - you deserved it (65309)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:27am - intimacy - by lagirl (woman) - United States (California)

Sonuvabitch's comment : I'm a guy, and I personally don't give a fuck. IF you are really concerned about extra-curricular pussy, then I think you may be a tiny bit gay, or at least just a prude. I don't shave my balls, so why should a girl shave? Stupid.

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Today.. . I finally got my nametag . I ad been using oter people's names lyk Maria and Caie for a week.. . so I was appy to be called my own name . I putted it on and got to work . Ten minutes later.. . I was called into te office . I got laid off . I got to wear my nametag for 10 minutes . mega FML

#2733384
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44940) - you deserved it (3277)

On 06/08/2009 at 10:07pm - misc - by nametag (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the girl I am in love with invited me to stay with her in Europe 4 2 weeks, she is even paying 4 the flights an accommodation !! It's because I am such a special friend to her an she wants me to come up to meet her fiancé before she gets married !! FML

#2732892
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61172) - you deserved it (5483)

On 06/08/2009 at 9:28pm - love - by doomed (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was playing piano 4 a wedding rehearsal. Bored, I decided to pass the time playing through a book of music I found in the piano bench. Some time later the bride turns to me an scream at me to stop. I had turned the page an had begun to play "Let's call the whole thing off." FML

#2730448
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10396) - you deserved it (46174)

On 06/08/2009 at 8:14pm - work - by Chipper (man) - United States (California)



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