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Today, I was at the beach with my buddy. Messing around, he swam up behind me and dunked me under the water. Naturally, moments later I swam behind him, grabbed both his ankles and stood up, flipping him completely, only to see him watching me from a few feet away. I flipped a 70 year old man. FML

#150078
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17354) - you deserved it (47936)

On 02/27/2009 at 1:03am - misc - by beachbum (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was sleeping because I had been sick. The closest bathroom to mine is the one in my parents room. I wake up and feel like I have to throw up, I run into my parents room to go to the bathroom. I walk in on my parents having sex. Shocked, I gasp for air then throw up all over their bed. FML

#148827
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (110332) - you deserved it (11635)

On 02/26/2009 at 11:02pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was sitting in the living room with my parents when my dad asked my mom if she knew where he could find some double a batteries. She said to check my vibrator. He said he already did. FML

Today, I told my boyfriend that I'd be going on a trip to Europe. I assured him that I would never cheat on him with any european guys. He replied with, "Why would I be worried? You're not very pretty." FML

#146890
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61898) - you deserved it (6096)

On 02/26/2009 at 8:42pm - love - by bilol (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I ordered sex toys online and had them delivered to my dorm room. I put my parents' address for the billing information because I didn't want the bill sent to my dorm after I moved out. The toys were sent to my parents house instead. FML

#145480
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15775) - you deserved it (71512)

On 02/26/2009 at 6:28pm - intimacy - by JessP (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML

#145421
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17709) - you deserved it (50023)

On 02/26/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by Stixchop (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I took the subway. The man sitting across from me would not stop staring at my breasts, so when the train came to my stop, I said, "Nothing to see now, asshole." Then I noticed his white walking stick as he got up to get off. He was blind. FML

#144886
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10524) - you deserved it (71242)

On 02/26/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by belladonna (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

#142795
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (251014) - you deserved it (59695)

On 02/26/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Picaresque (woman) - United States (Missouri)

jSOPURE's comment : Do unto others...

See all the comments →

Today, I saw my ex-girlfriend across the street. I was walking with a girl whom I'd been hooking up with and wanted to make my ex-girlfriend jealous. I kissed her and she immediately smacked me. I got a "ha-ha" text message from my ex. FML

#142749
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15832) - you deserved it (88784)

On 02/26/2009 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had a performance evaluation meeting with my boss. He told me I was the best in my department, and that the productivity has never been higher before I started working here. Oh, and he said that because everything is working so well, they don't need me as much, so he's cutting my hours. FML

#142534
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52908) - you deserved it (2301)

On 02/26/2009 at 12:05pm - work - by lolgarbl (man) - United States (California)

Today, I knew my girlfriend was having a bad day. I went to bring her frozen yogurt at work because she loves it. When I was in the elevator, I overheard her colleague saying that the reason she was upset was because she had been cheating on her boyfriend with her new intern. FML

#142506
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (96658) - you deserved it (3679)

On 02/26/2009 at 12:01pm - love - by froyo (man) - United States

Today, a stoplight turned yellow as I was approaching it. I was about to go through but saw a cop, panicked, and slammed on the brakes. I ended up in the middle of the intersection and had to reverse. Soon the light turned green, and I stepped on the gas. My car was still in reverse. FML

#142298
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15586) - you deserved it (49271)

On 02/26/2009 at 11:17am - misc - by River (woman) - United States (Delaware)



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