Today, I was working at Publix ringing up some 70 year old woman. She says "Man, you're a fast cashier, I like my men fast!" and then gives me a wink. I got really nervous and didn't know how to respond, so not thinking, I quickly said, "Yeah, me too." FML

by Patrick / 02/22/2010 at 8:29pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, a guy I'd been seeing off and on for the past three years broke things off over a Facebook message. I replied, and told him that I was at least worth a phone call. He replied "Well, I'm sorry, I disagree." FML

by notworthit / 02/22/2010 at 7:53pm / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I found out that the acne under my arms was worse then the severe acne on my face. FML

by baconrash / 02/22/2010 at 4:43pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, we were drawing self-portraits in school. I'm horrible at art, so I turned to the person next to me and stated that mine looked really ugly. He replied saying, "No, it looks exactly like you." FML

by quasimodo / 02/22/2010 at 4:24pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went shopping with my mother, when someone snuck a pack of condoms into our cart while our backs were turned. When we got to the register, my mom, whose wealth makes me ineligible for financial aid, noticed the condoms and she announced that she wasn't paying for the college I got accepted to next year because she doesn't want a promiscuous daughter. FML

by condiments / 02/22/2010 at 4:13pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

by sacked / 02/22/2010 at 2:51pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sneezed while I was throwing up into the toilet. It turns out that throwing up is even less pleasant when the puke violently shoots out through your nose. FML

by mynoseburns / 02/22/2010 at 2:32pm / United States (Nevada) / Health

Today, I found out that my ex-boyfriend stole a pair of my underwear, and still wears them to this day. FML

by anonymous / 02/22/2010 at 1:11pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad screamed at me because I've been "spending too much money". He's been out of a job for 4 months and I've been giving him 300 dollars a month to help pay for bills... and his beer. FML

by Anonymous / 02/22/2010 at 11:38am / United States (South Carolina) / Money

Today, I was swimming in the fast lane at the pool. A guy in blue trunks was swimming slowly and really getting on everyone's nerves. I took a break, and looking around I couldn't see him. I turned to the guy next to me and said, "Finally, Mr. Blue Trunks has f**ked off." It was Mr. Blue Trunks. FML

by AngelAshley / 02/22/2010 at 10:35am / United Kingdom (Kent) / Health

Today, I found out that my mom goes through my garbage. I'm 25 and don't live with her. FML

by Anonymous / 02/22/2010 at 8:27am / Costa Rica (San Jose) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I have been crushing on for 2 years. At the end of the date he tells me that he is moving away and as his going away present, I could pay for dinner. FML

by Anonymous / 02/22/2010 at 6:28am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I witnessed my roommate pop a blister with a skewer and casually place it back in the kitchen drawer, before wiping what seeped out with the teatowel. FML

by OMFG / 02/22/2010 at 5:13am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous