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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was walking down the street when a homeless man asked me for some spare change. I told him I didn't have any. I then tripped. Not only spilling the soda I was drinking all over myself, but also spilling the spare change I had from buying it. FML

#187385
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14164) - you deserved it (98974)

On 03/02/2009 at 7:11pm - money - by hlev24 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was driving at night and saw a small animal run across the road. I slammed on my brakes and got rear-ended. The animal turned out to be a plastic grocery bag. FML

#187356
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46234) - you deserved it (14217)

On 03/02/2009 at 7:09pm - misc - by himtopia19 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to get my underarms waxed. I'm usually not self-conscious because I figure they see worse stuff all the time. When I raised my arm for her to wax my armpit she looked at me, laughed and said "Well I guess that's how I know it's winter in Wisconsin!" FML

#186916
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37046) - you deserved it (8581)

On 03/02/2009 at 6:38pm - misc - by Kelly (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarreah in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping form and he rolled over to whisper, "I heard everthing." FML

#185544
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72595) - you deserved it (15751)

On 03/02/2009 at 4:51pm - love - by ohmygoodness (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I noticed some of my things in my slob of a roommate's piles of clothes. I found six pairs of my underwear that had gone missing. Turns out she hasn't done laundry recently so my underwear drawer was her own personal Victoria's Secret. I hadn't even worn a pair yet. All six were stained. FML

#185358
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84587) - you deserved it (3776)

On 03/02/2009 at 4:35pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Illinois)

NorfolkDude's comment : I agree. You need to unbitch yourself. Ready.... set... go.... However, I agree, you have to be a pretty big bitch to not realize people take pictures of their families all the time in public. It's damn near common sense that when you see someone with a camera, you move out the way.

See all the comments →

Today, my roommate and I finally got fed up with this increasingly, horrible stench that has been in our apartment for a few days now. Leaving it for our other roommates to handle, we selfishly left to get yogurtland. Moments later, we both expressed that we haven't seen our cat in a while. FML

#185319
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12733) - you deserved it (48925)

On 03/02/2009 at 4:32pm - animals - by pacificbeach - United States (California)

Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and says "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML

#185266
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57972) - you deserved it (10065)

On 03/02/2009 at 4:26pm - love - by ak (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I came home after a party to my parents, who confronted me. They said that my phone had made a pocket call to them and they heard a good half hour of people talking about drugs and alcohol. I confessed at that point. I checked my phone after. I hadn't called them in 3 days. FML

#185053
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16968) - you deserved it (60452)

On 03/02/2009 at 4:04pm - misc - by Werner (man) - United States (California)

Today, I came home to find that my room had been ransacked. My mom comes out of no where and says that we need to have a talk. I freaked out thinking it was all the empty alcohol bottles under my bed. My mom holds up the birth control and says "I always knew you were a whore." FML

#185042
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62046) - you deserved it (17054)

On 03/02/2009 at 4:03pm - misc - by Stairway2Heaven - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, at work a woman came up to the check out counter and when I greeted her she said "oh honey, you are so beautiful!" I immediately smiled and thanked her, then she looked at me and said "oh, not you." and then pointed to her ear. She was on her bluetooth. FML

#184275
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45850) - you deserved it (6050)

On 03/02/2009 at 2:58pm - work - by kimosabe (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, the men clearing the walkway outside my dorm room, with a snowblower didn't realize that my window was open. I looked over from my computer to see snow shooting in, covering my clock, closet, and radio. And now it's melting. FML

#183684
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36412) - you deserved it (15210)

On 03/02/2009 at 2:06pm - misc - by gr8terevil (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my dad woke me up at 6 told me to take a shower and drove me to school only to say "just kidding, happy snowday!" FML

#183630
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83397) - you deserved it (12230)

On 03/02/2009 at 2:01pm - misc - by EPICfml. (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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