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Today, two days before my birthday, my parents drove three hours to visit me at school and take me out to lunch. I assumed that it was to celebrate my birthday. They told me they are getting divorced. FML

#173471
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60936) - you deserved it (2140)

On 03/01/2009 at 6:27pm - misc - by Meh (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my family gathered at my 96 year old great-grandmother's surprise birthday party that was my idea. When she walked in, we surprised her so much that she literally had a heart attack. She is now in the hospital. FML

#172580
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51197) - you deserved it (14436)

On 03/01/2009 at 5:04pm - misc - by Ashley J. (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my mom had my girlfriend and I over. Out of the blue, she pulled out my grandmother's wedding ring and gave it to me saying I can now propose. My girlfriend started screaming and said yes. I have been seeing someone else for 3 months and was going to break up with my girlfriend tomorrow. FML

#172507
471 comments

I agree, your life sucks (108406) - you deserved it (258526)

On 03/01/2009 at 4:58pm - love - by MrCanoe (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

luvlee's comment : you shouldnt have been cheating on her

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Today, my cat was in the bathroom when I was undressing to get into the shower. I realized that he was the only male to have seen me naked in the past two months. Then he started scratching the door for me to let him out. FML

#171623
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44859) - you deserved it (7196)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:36pm - animals - by catlady (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was babysitting this one year old. She just learned how to say yes so if you asked her ANYTHING, she'd say yes. I asked her if she liked vegetables and she said "yes!" Then I asked her if I was pretty... she looked at me and said "NO." FML

#171559
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56080) - you deserved it (12104)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:29pm - kids - by hi (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I typed an essay on my friend's computer, so she forwarded it to me in a email and she made the subject "here bitch" as a joke. I then went to email the essay to my teacher. I forwarded it thinking nothing of it only to realize that I didn't change the subject name. FML

#171291
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18735) - you deserved it (49486)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:00pm - misc - by Brittany (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got my braces on. When we got in the car my dad looked over and said "well at least we dont have to worry about boys for the next two years." FML

#171168
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56085) - you deserved it (3937)

On 03/01/2009 at 2:45pm - misc - by jajaja (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend was coming over so I bought this sexy corset, some fishnets, stilettos and see-through thong. After my dad left I dressed up and a few minutes later the doorbell rang. I answered it, whip in hand. It was my dad. He forgot his keys. I'm grounded. FML

#170978
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40560) - you deserved it (134554)

On 03/01/2009 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by thissucks (woman) - United States (California)

vandaleyes's comment : Rule of thumb: If you're young enough to be grounded by your parents, you're probably extremely young to be wearing that. You deserved that one.

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Today, I was questioned about a request for a restraining order filed against me by an old woman. According to the report, she's seen me "walking near her house and waving at her" for the last two months. I've been her next-door neighbor for a year and a half. FML

#170541
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56310) - you deserved it (2094)

On 03/01/2009 at 1:37pm - misc - by Friendly (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML

#170218
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54037) - you deserved it (14146)

On 03/01/2009 at 12:55pm - misc - by Scottrick (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my best friend slapped me and called me a some colorful words before telling me that she never wanted to talk to me again because I supposedly slept with her boyfriend. Not only am I a virgin, but I'm a lesbian. FML

#169913
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (176115) - you deserved it (14239)

On 03/01/2009 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by xo_lezz (woman) - United States (Ohio)

lollipop217's comment : obviously she's not really your best friend if she doesn't know you're a virgin or a lesbian

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Today, I was drunk at my nan's birthday party. My boyfriend texted me asking if I could go out, to which I replied "No, I'm at my nan's house." He then dumped me, calling me a 'cheating whore.' I was confused, until I realised I'd misspelt nan and said "No, I'm at my man's house." FML

#169078
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19401) - you deserved it (40343)

On 03/01/2009 at 9:20am - love - by Mandy (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)



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