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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. Before, I reached over to her computer and put on "Your Body is a Wonderland". Surprisingly, I lasted through the song and didn't realize her itunes was on random. "Rape me" by Nirvana came on. I still finished. FML

#3770
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22358) - you deserved it (5423)

On 01/30/2009 at 12:27pm - love - by RollieCollieUSA - United States (Illinois)

Today, the dentist had to give me a lot of novacaine because my mouth wasn't becoming numb. After the 4th time the entire right side of my mouth was numb, except for the 2 teeth getting worked on. FML

#3757
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20163) - you deserved it (922)

On 01/30/2009 at 12:05pm - health - by ihateeverything - United States (New York)

Today, I interviewed for a call center job making $13/hr, the only job where they called back. I used to live in a doorman luxury apartment in Manhattan with a prime skyline view and clubhouse. That was last month. FML

#3730
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25098) - you deserved it (7194)

On 01/30/2009 at 11:19am - money - by Banker - United States (Virginia)

Today, I received a text message from my older brother. It said, "Ah... I want you". I hope to god it was intended for someone else. FML

#3715
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23596) - you deserved it (1529)

On 01/30/2009 at 10:50am - misc - by Ren - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out the girl I've been trying to date for six months is gay. FML

#3701
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18037) - you deserved it (3592)

On 01/30/2009 at 10:28am - love - by The L word - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went on a date with my really attractive neighbor, and at the end, when I leaned in to make out with her, she shook my hand. FML

#3670
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18436) - you deserved it (4782)

On 01/30/2009 at 9:42am - love - by anonymous neighbor - United States (New York)

Today, I was riding in a carpool when we passed a church that has a shady reputation. I said "man, all those people are being brainwashed, it's a cult". The lady sitting in the back seat behind me says "I'm a member of that church". OOPS. Silence. FML

#3651
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6849) - you deserved it (20704)

On 01/30/2009 at 9:07am - misc - by pop_rox - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML

#3587
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18209) - you deserved it (6128)

On 01/30/2009 at 6:39am - misc - by Anon - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I fell flat on my ass while running for the subway. Made it on only to find out that it was standing by for ten minutes. I then got to ride all the way to work with a train full of people who watched me fall. FML

#3586
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15036) - you deserved it (2640)

On 01/30/2009 at 6:30am - work - by Weter - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic and to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her... Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She heard and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML

#3525
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17965) - you deserved it (4601)

On 01/29/2009 at 10:26pm - misc - by IEatDammit - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I got in a huge fight with my mom. So, I went to my room and locked myself in there and played loud music so I didn't have to hear her. She then decides to yell at me over facebook. Shortly after, I log out of Facebook. She then starts yelling at me on Yahoo. Damn technology. FML

#3491
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8789) - you deserved it (19580)

On 01/29/2009 at 7:45pm - misc - by blarg - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

#3486
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18640) - you deserved it (5368)

On 01/29/2009 at 7:13pm - love - by amg85904 - United States (Ohio)

Today, a toddler's play ball rolled over to me in the park. I playfully pitched it to him as his parents watched from afar. The ball hit him in the face. FML

#3469
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19001) - you deserved it (2785)

On 01/29/2009 at 6:08pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)



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