Today, I added some of my own money to the tip jar in the Subway I work at to make myself look less pathetic. FML

by OverweightTeen / 01/14/2010 at 1:59am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Work

Today, after 8 years, I confessed one of my best friends I've been in love with him since we were kiddies. His answer was "Don't worry, I won't stop talking to you." FML

by handlin / 01/14/2010 at 1:45am / Mexico (Nuevo Leon) / Love

Today, my boyfriend went to jail for a DUI. In a panic, I rushed to go bail him out. On the way to the jail I was stopped for running a red light. I soon joined my boyfriend in jail with my very own DUI charge. FML

by mackenzie_cain / 01/14/2010 at 12:33am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on the computer in the library on campus. I was facebook stalking this really cute girl that I often see on campus. As I'm looking at her profile pictures, I turn around and the girl is standing right behind me. She gave me a disgusted look and walked off. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2010 at 12:10am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML

by meow / 01/13/2010 at 11:27pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

Today, I locked myself, drunk and naked, out of my hotel room. FML

by nekkiddrunk / 01/13/2010 at 9:04pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that the amount of time it takes my boyfriend to get an erection takes longer than the actual sex. FML

by cantgetitupcantgetiton / 01/13/2010 at 8:02pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was pointing out my car to my roommate. He responded with, "Oh that one with the broken window?" Turns out my car had been broken into. They took my CD player, GPS and Ipod. On top of that they left a Reese's Fastbreak wrapper and sunflower seeds on my front seat. FML

by Eli / 01/13/2010 at 7:08pm / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, I went on an interview for a job that I had been wanting for months. I thought everything was going great. On my way out, my interviewer asked me to recycle something for him. I agreed. It was my resume. FML

by Anonymous / 01/13/2010 at 7:05pm / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, I did a 'dine and dash' and left my phone in the restaurant. The owner answered my phone call. FML

by Anonymous / 01/13/2010 at 4:41pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my boyfriend was going to propose to me about three months ago. I was completely surprised and asked why he didn't. At that time, I had told him to stop looking at me like that and go buy me some damn tacos. I was 2 months pregnant then. Now he wants to wait a couple of years. FML

by cowgurl91 / 01/13/2010 at 4:40pm / Love

Today, I was taking a warm shower when someone in my house flushed the toilet, making the shower extremely hot. In my rush to get out so I wouldn't get burned, I slipped and knocked a tooth out. FML

by soccercrazed1520 / 01/13/2010 at 4:40pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother and his friend ambushed me, tied me to a chair, and put a sock in my mouth. My mom found me 10 minutes later, took the sock out, and asked, "Why are you tied to a chair?" I told her what happened. She looked at me, laughed, stuffed the sock back in my mouth, and left. FML

by boundandgagged / 01/13/2010 at 2:36pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous