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Man or woman?

Today, I hung out with my crush for only the second time at his apartment. He was having a party. After a few sips of my green apple smirnoff, I puked up the Chinese food I had eaten earlier all over his new couch in front of him and a bunch of people I didn't know. FML

#4209
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17497) - you deserved it (6445)

On 01/31/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by helloworld92 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I just went to the bathroom and someone thought I was a guy. FML

#4206
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14376) - you deserved it (1919)

On 01/31/2009 at 3:26pm - misc - by Lady of Sorrows - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was with the guy I am seeing and I were fooling around in my room. I asked him if he wanted to have sex. He said he didn't have time because he had to go play Mario Kart. FML

#4196
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38683) - you deserved it (5035)

On 01/31/2009 at 3:01pm - intimacy - by Yoshi - United States (California)

Today, I am sick with a cold and I go to the most important interview of my life. A giant glob of wet snot comes out of my nose when I am expressing my desire to join their team. FML

#4150
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20181) - you deserved it (1565)

On 01/31/2009 at 1:20pm - work - by Larry - United States (California)

Today, I was collecting on a bet I had with a buddy on a sports game. He owed me lunch. I have a huge crush on the waitress and told him. She asked if we wanted the checks split and he said, "No, my boyfriend doesn't have any money." FML

#4148
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25316) - you deserved it (4925)

On 01/31/2009 at 1:19pm - love - by MichiganExile - United States (Michigan)

Today, I fell down the stairs twice. I fell from the top, stopped in the middle, stood up, stepped down one more step, tripped, and fell down the rest of the stairs. FML

#4121
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25574) - you deserved it (4449)

On 01/31/2009 at 12:25pm - misc - by Lars - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML

#4119
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20512) - you deserved it (4323)

On 01/31/2009 at 12:24pm - misc - by fuckit - United States (Ohio)

Today, I tried to befriend the lonely boy who sits at the end of my table at lunch. He always sleeps or does homework during lunch. I walked over to him, tripped, and spilled my open bottle of water on his jeans. I apologized profusely and wiped off his pants with napkins. He got hard. FML

#4106
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27313) - you deserved it (9387)

On 01/31/2009 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by brighteyes - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a boy I'm not even dating took it upon himself to tell me that we would never work out. Via text message. FML

#4103
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21534) - you deserved it (1808)

On 01/31/2009 at 11:52am - love - by wowza - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and while trying to make a dramatic exit, I slammed his car door, slipped on the ice and landed on my back in front of a large crowd of onlookers. FML

#4066
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16197) - you deserved it (6359)

On 01/31/2009 at 10:30am - love - by kill me - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML

#4051
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16178) - you deserved it (56205)

On 01/31/2009 at 10:04am - intimacy - by DDD - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had dinner on my own. My cat came and sat on the chair on the other side of the table. We stared at each other during the whole meal. Pathetic. FML

#4050
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27809) - you deserved it (3998)

On 01/31/2009 at 10:03am - animals - by JulleandCici - Sent from mobile version

Today, I woke up with the worst hangover of my life. My best friend comes over and informs me that I had sex with my girlfriend's two best friends last night. Awesome! Then I realized her best friends are guys. FML

#4044
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8395) - you deserved it (40697)

On 01/31/2009 at 9:43am - intimacy - by Ah hell - United States (Ohio)

bookdownthetrou's comment : If you think it would have be awesome to not only cheat on your girlfriend, but with two of her friends... I hope your ass hurt badly the next time you took a dump.

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